Moved To Another Blog

Hi Everyone,

I have moved my blog to http://priyavaruneshkumar.wordpress.com . See you there folks !!!

Follow me there for more updates!!!

Love,
Priya

Why Being A Woman And Travelling Alone Is So Much Fun

Every woman must do this at least once in her lifetime. Trust me, you will feel like the queen of the world. And you do not need to feel scared of being alone and in danger. Travelling alone will make you tougher. Also because having someone need not guarantee not getting into danger too.

I travel alone. A lot. I started travelling alone immediately after 12th standard. That way I'm extremely lucky to have a family that has taught me to be independent at an early age. I love the fact that they do not panic whenever they know I am travelling alone, and now after so many years it is very routine for them.

My favourite part of travelling alone is sitting and sipping coffee while you wait for the flight. That way even bus and train journeys alone are super fun, but you will find more silence before a flight journey.

I love journeys alone most because I get time to think of what I want to do. I tend to get into the urgent instead of the important most of the time. And by the time I reach the important, it becomes too late.

I just got myself a cup of coffee and Goodhousekeeping magazine from Mumbai airport. I luckily got transferred to a direct flight from Mumbai to Bangalore, instead of the Chennai halt. I shamelessly also stretched in the seating area of the flight. It's about 2.00am and Mumbai airport looks just so alive.

I always carry my earphones. Always. If there is no music, the trip is not the same. I had come here for a performance with Daksha Sheth Dance Company and had to get back as early as possible so that I could reach for a school project.

So I met this lovely cab guy who dropped me to the airport, and we had the most fun conversation (dont worry, I'm safe and always armed with pepper sprays and Swiss knives) . He was telling me the state of affairs of Bihar, where he came from. His perspective on the government was very interesting, because all the opinions that we tend to hear is from our circle of friends.

I like nights like this. My boarding call is here and I'll have to run. I'll continue my monologue in the next post.

Sleep tight :)




I am planning a couple of photoshoot ideas when I go home for my vacation. Do you have ideas that you can help me with? If you have ever met me, or seen me, you might have ideas as to what style I might be able to pull off. Because honestly I myself don't know. I have been sporting the I-don't-care-if-i-look-weird style these days. But want to get out of it soon.

7am to 10pm Love. Philosophy. Updates About Life.

I would not be exaggerating if I say I have been working for about 14 hours a day, which includes at least five to seven hours of dancing and easily two hours of travel. Its funny though because I do not mind it one bit. In fact I absolutely love it. You might think it is because I am a workaholic, but the reality is because I feel good about the fact that I have enough work on my platter.

Being a freelancer, having busy days definitely gives you the greatest high possible. I started dancing professionally when I was almost 24. So essentially, I still have just about three years experience. I always do things in a hurry, talk in a hurry, work in a hurry. I think it has something to do with the fact that my clock is ticking faster. I have lesser time to achieve what a 16 year old dancer can.

I just decided to share my thoughts with you.

I like blogging because it is like talking to someone who wants to listen to me.
I like talking. A lot.
I can talk for hours together without getting bored. From fashion to wellness to telling them how much I love my cat and my dog. To how much I love dancing. And food. And everything.

I am famous for passing out in the living room each night, even if we have a house party. And then waking up early in the morning just so that I can wake others up and talk to them.

I am loving the thought of next week. I am traveling to Mumbai on Monday and performing for the prestigious Daksha Sheth Dance Company. And I cannot express how much I am in awe of Daksha Didi's choreography.

Our team from Piah Dance Company is then leaving for Salem on Tuesday for a performance, and I am finally leaving for Gujarat to take a vacation with my family. I do not know how much sleep I will get. But you know what, I shall pass out whenever I can and get my dosage of sleep anyway.

In between all this, our company is doing a choreography for a school . I love kids just because they have no ego in them. If they like someone they say it. Simple. No ego comes to play even a little bit. 

So these I am working on believing more in myself. Not that I do not believe. But just that I need to believe more than I currently do. Not that that has anything to do with whether I really can or not. But just to believe I can.

Have you ever had days where you really want someone to come and evaluate you, in the most rightful manner, because you are just not able to evaluate yourself right? That happens with me. A lot. And honestly, the sooner I believe that I only can evaluate myself best, the better. There will always be bias otherwise. Friends and family will say better-than-real things to you. People who can see faults in you will focus more on the faults. So essentially I need to grow up and understand I cannot be spoon fed anymore.

So I shall tell you a little secret. But you need to promise me you won't judge me.
Actually even if you do, I will still share it. 

I have a dream of writing a book. A happy book. I do not know how it will go. But it will just be happy. You will feel happy at the end of it. It will not preach, or ask you to do things a particular way. Nor will it be a self help book. It will just be a happy book.

I have always loved motivating someone who has been feeling low in their lives. Maybe because I have felt low quite a few times too. And that feeling sucked. So bad.

And yes, the person who wrote a mail to me regarding the same, I am sorry I wasn't able to get back to you sooner, but I soon will. And I will try and make you feel better hopefully.

Honestly, I do not know where this blog is going. Its like a outlet where I am just talking. Maybe I should stop now. Good luck with reading this entirely. And if you have reached the bottom of this page and are reading this exact sentence right now, then you are a really good listener. 

I really should stop now.
Be happy, because I know shit happens to all of us. So lets keep the shit aside for a while and enjoy the not-so-shitty part of life. 
Look at my cat and dog if you like pets. They are really cute. 

I Wish I Had A Magic Wand

I love talking to people. Listening to them when they are unhappy about something. When I need to rate myself out of happiness, I am pretty happy I would say. Of course I have days where I get frustrated and think I need to be at a place where I have still not reached. I set a lot of targets which are very, very high. And when I don't achieve it I do brood over it on a temporary basis.

But what makes me really happy despite those moments where I question myself is listening to others' problems.

I always wish I could listen to others and make them feel better when they don't feel too great about themselves. 

I wish there was a job titled "Happiness Consultant" where I could have a room and talk to anyone who didn't feel happy and make them happy.

Even now, I often think from time to time, if different companies had a Happiness Consultant, someone any employee could go talk to, how cool would that be. Because not every time someone is looking only for a solution, sometimes they are also looking to feel good about themselves.

I know this might sound weird, but if any of you feel low ever in life, and need someone to talk to, and vent out things you are not able to comprehend in your own head, you can write to me at priya.kumar.0707@gmail.com. I will try my best to make you happy. 

Getting out of the "Almost"

Either you have it or you don't. And there is a definite chance you have it. But you are not willing to have the confidence to know that you have it. The human mind is such a powerful machine. It can change things. It can change one's outlook towards life. The tough part is to know you have it in you. 

Really KNOW it.

I am almost a good dancer, almost fit, almost a creative person, almost a good director for my company. 

But haven't got out of the almost yet. Well it is probably the right time you get out of the almost. 

NOW!!!

No time is too late to get out of this almost zone. The problem with being an almost is that you will "almost" put your best effort in doing anything. And an effort which is almost there will not reap the benefits that you need to get out of the almost zone.

Being in the almost is like not being sure about whether you like a girl. 

Either you like her or you don't like her. You can never "almost" like her. You just can't. Even you are thinking about someone, it is because you like her. Even if you try you can never "almost" like someone.

I am 26, I spent the last 25 years trying to discover the things I wanted, and I'm still trying to make a mark in the world. I had a major career switch in 2011, and for an ordinary person that might be a little too late, considering I was 23, had graduated with a degree that will have nothing to do with my new career. I just couldn't have "almost" switched my career. I had to choose one side. There was just no other option.

There are so many times when I sit in my balcony with a nice cup of chai and sincerely dream of all the things I want to do in life. Honestly I haven't even analyzed whether I am good enough to be able to get all those things.

But honestly, I don't care if I'm not good enough. I still want all those things.

The path to getting out of the almost is one of the most difficult. And weirdly, it is not even the amount of hard work required to get there. It is convincing your mind to believing that you can be where you want to be. I find that extremely difficult.

Start with small things.

I had been planning to apply for the Charles Wallace Scholarship for art in the UK. I had thought about it in 2012 as well as 2013. But every time I would think of creating my profile, I would always think "Let me get a little thinner", "A little fitter", "Let my hair grow just a couple of inches longer". Lamest reasons now that I'm writing it out, but this is what happened. 

Truth of it is, I didn't believe that I would get it, and the fear of being rejected did not give me motivation enough to create my profile and send it. 

Another example :

I have been thinking of working in print advertisement for quite sometime as a side thing. Nothing major, but it seems to be giving me one thrill of traveling for a day, acting for something minor (considering I sincerely question my acting capabilities for longer roles). My problem is that I haven't got myself to get up and go approach an advertising agency or create a bio for it yet. When I look at myself, I am always thinking, let me get a little thinner, a little fitter, let that particular acne mark subside.

As humans the biggest thing that we fear is the Fear of Rejection. 

We hate to be dumped, we hate to be fired from a company, even if the company did not make us happy.

Its funny though that I have got the best things in life only after I have been rejected. I think rejection is the most powerful mechanism. It gives you a kind of drive no other emotion will give.

The feeling that because you have already hit rock bottom, and know what rock bottom feels like, now it is time to get up.

Another thing we humans worry so much about is the Fear Of Unknown. 

There is a simple solution for it. How will you ever know what something feels like till you don't actually experience it? There is the risk of it failing, but the hope that it will be a big success. And imagine just how awesome you will feel once it is done. 

Lastly we are all paranoid about What Others Think of Us.

This is something everyone should stop, because what people think of us has never got us what we wanted in our lives. So their opinions should mean nothing whatsoever.

Trust me, the time is passing by. The clock is not stopping for anyone. And everyone has the same time. Its how much we make a difference in that time that makes all the difference. 

So get up now, forget about everything else.

Remember all you need to do is get out of the 'almost'. Everything else will follow.

Love, 

P

Like looking at the blank ceiling!!!

Has that feeling ever happened to you? Where you lie down on the bed and look at the ceiling wondering what the hell you are supposed to do next? Where is life going?
That happens to me quite often from time to time. I tend to plan a lot and sometimes when things do not go according to my plan then it takes me a while to figure out a backup.
Recently I had a Japan trip that for cancelled because some issuing of my visa. I was honestly upset a little, but more than that I became very blank about what I had to do in those days where Japan was supposed to happen.

I have had the craziest journey since I came to Bangalore. I joined my first company, met the nicest people there. Then I also decided to quit my job and start working as a freelancer, more than that a dancer.

Now being a woman AND a dancer in India is quite a challenge to be honest. First of all they are not looked as having a "good" career . Now because i live in Bangalore, I live in quite a bubble. But when i met a friend's relative who thought I was not a "good" girl because I danced, thats when I realised that it is actually majority in the country that contain the similar thought. I had another added baggage of being an engineer (which I absolutely do not regret, because I can use technology so much better and can use it in dance) , but a large section of people thought otherwise.

For example, I have had colleagues of the same company exactly sit and calculate how much I earn per month and whether it is more or less compared to what I earned in the company. I have had people say stuff like "it's ok you are a woman, you ll have a husband someday and then you can keep pursuing your hobby". I am quite a feminist that way, so when it comes to finances, I would never want to depend solely on a man to get my living going.

I don't really get the concept of a "good" girl. So if you don't have a boyfriend are you a "good" girl ? If you only clad a Salvar-Kameez are you a "good" girl? If you are married and still have a girls evening out are you a bad girl ? I am sure I am the epitome of a "bad" girl according to a large society in this country. And honestly it doesn't even bother me how they judge me. All of us are judgemental of things, and someone judging you the way you are will not change who you really are. So why break your head in trying to convince them otherwise.

Personally I get offended when people call my dancing a hobby. I earn my bread and butter through it, I paid rent and food and living expenses through this "hobby" of mine. I managed pretty well without borrowing anything from my house, except for maybe first two months expenses.

Anyway, so I find it so easy for so many people around me to judge me as being something or not being something I should be. Honestly , it ends up working in weird ways because I am with a rebel inside. And the moment someone asks me not to do something, it makes me want to do it all the more.

Work wise, things have been going on pretty well on the creative front. Jitters always will be there, considering I have stopped taking classes all together ad I'm just working on my first contemporary folk production called 'Bandhani'. I have big dreams and aspirations for Bandhani to go big. It is one idea where I don't care if I'm not the biggest dance company in Bangalore, nor do I have all the most expert dancers, but I have a brilliant team. And we work wonderfully as a team , and I love them just so much.

But yeah. Working for a big project requires you to sacrifice little things here and there. And then there can be times in your life where you would not know whether you are right thing, but you ll always have to keep hoping you are and keep going on.

One thing I learnt in life is to be persistent. I might not be the best dancer right now, but no way am I going to become the best if I don't stay persistent towards it.

It's such an irony that right now I feel so blank BECAUSE my kind is just flooded with so many rings I want to do. I a 26 right now and assume I live for another 74 years, I feel even 74  years will become so less for me considering I keep adding on new dreams and aspirations.



This is an ode to keep everyone s spirits alive, and make them live. 100 years so that they get time to finish everything they wanted in life!!!

How narcissistic should one be?

The story behind a narcissist is that according Greek Mythology there was a guy named Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his relationship, he just waited by the pool of water forever and finally converted into a flower. 

It is a well known fact that everyone (excluding the very few exceptions) is trying to promote themselves on the internet, social networking sites and also when they meet people/friends/potential business opportunities. My understanding is that everyone can talk big about themselves only when they have an extremely high opinion of themselves / their work. Otherwise it would be very difficult to just blabber about their work or themselves without genuinely feeling good about themselves. And also that they should get into acting if they can really do that.

This then makes me wonder as to how much narcissism is actually good for your work/career. 

Say there are two people, one of them is an extremely talented piano player, but is extremely humble and never blows his own trumpet (no pun intended) but the other one is not as talented, but definitely not a bad piano player, but who keeps talking about himself and announcing his achievements all the time. 
From my experience, it looks like the person who talked about himself for a greater amount of time gets more music concerts than the one who is extremely talented but humble.

I wonder then, if that is actually true, as to why we stress so much on teaching kids about being humble and vanity is profanity. Is it actually profanity? Or is that narcissism that gets you forward in your career?

On the other hand, I have noticed that the people who are nice and down to earth are known to be better at working in a collaboration and get more work from the same client. That seems to me like the humble person might have more work from the same client (which may not be such a bad thing).

I have two simple questions in mind:

1)Does being humble mean you have an inferiority complex?Or does that mean you'll be able to grow as a more talented person given that you are open to criticism and self improvement?

2)Does being vain and narcissistic mean you'll go more forward in your career? Or will that hamper you as a frog living in a well?

I honestly used to be quite a vain person as a teenager. I used to think I am the smartest person on Earth. All that narcissism was brought down when I started meeting so many people and reading about so many people. Now I am on the side where I will promote my dance company, but not promote myself as much. Maybe that is a bad thing,I don't know?

What do you think? What gets you going in your career? Be it a corporate office, where you'll find many talkers who seem to know all ? Or are you into arts, and you are wondering whether you be like the guy who brags about himself all the time, or be the good guy who everyone likes?


Please share your thoughts. 

Your thoughts might be a life saver for a lot of people and their jobs, and also, to me. 

Do what makes you nothing but happy.

What is the point of doing anything otherwise? The primary reason why we as kids were asked to study, sleep early , eat food on time, play well, be a good child at school, grow up and go to a good college, get a reputed job , earn well was so that we could be happy. Everything that was asked from us as kids or even after we grew up by our parents was so that we could be happy. Why then would anyone do something that doesn't make us happy?

Think about it, I decided to succumb to something that didn't make me happy because I was scared not doing that MIGHT make me even more unhappy. The fear of greater unhappiness made us stick to the current status of dissatisfaction. You stay doing the same thing for the next thirty years. Assume you are 20 something, after 30 years you become 50 something. Salt and pepper hair, loose skin, wrinkles, all the glamour beginning to fade away. And then you think? Why did I do that particular thing that didn't make me happy?

I am a non drinker, non smoker. I have a lot of close friends who drink and smoke which is absolutely fine with me. I love them dearly and the smoking, drinking has nothing to do with my judgement of them. But there have been times in the past where I have been at parties with people I didn't know too well and always ended up being an outcast by being the only one who didn't drink and smoke. Smoking is fine as normally no one normally forces you to smoke. But not wanting to drink is quite a social stigma and people have come and told me I am like a 40 year old wanting to go to bed early without drinking (which I probably just might be). I have wished to succumb to that situation a few times, and honestly I have even decided to have a small glass of drink or something. I wake up the next day feeling totally groggy, my dance class mostly would have got missed as I would have got up late. And I feel like an entire day is about to get wasted.

Now, I am not oppose to the concept of drinking. I feel very happy for the people who get very happy drinking. It feels like a nice solution for the people who have drinking suit them. But it unfortunately does not suit my body. Why then, I wonder , should I succumb to something which ends up not making me feel happy?


This is an extremely trivial example of what I am talking about. But hope you get my point. Anything big or small that doesn't make us happy but we still do it, I don't know why. Like we get angry at someone who has been irritating us, and we end up feeling irritable long after the person has left. And then we are grumpy with ourselves, with our loved ones, with friends and family. What was the point then of feeling grumpy?

Life would be so much simpler if we just decide at every moment whether to do something or not to do something depending on whether it makes you happy. Now there are situations where doing something doesn't make you really happy but doesn't make you sad either. But say, it makes your spouse happy. Should you go ahead and do it? I say totally . Because seeing your spouse happy will make you feel happier (assuming it will) . Again comes around to doing what makes you happy. Even if the thing that makes you happy is seeing your loved one happy.

I can't sleep

I am back from my vacation. Its time to start work. I feel extremely jittery. The constant reminder that as each day passes my time to fulfill all my dreams is becoming lesser and lesser. I know that is a classic sign of impatience.

When I was in Andamans, I planned a lot of things to do, so many plans for Piah Dance Studio, and more than so many plans for myself as a dancer.

So when I got back three days back, one day went off in setting the house and being groggy all day as our multiple flights and never ending waiting time made us completely left without energy.

Now, two days later.. I made a list of all the plans and I'm suddenly feeling that I need to race at a faster speed. Thing is, whenever I finish one goal, there is a list of ten more goals added by then. Time just feels so less.

I'm not able to sleep because I'm already calculating how much more time for my arangetram, how much more time to get into national and even international performances (Yes, I hope to be really good one day, even if I'm not even half as good), then by how much time to get a plot and start an academy, how much more time amidst all this to try to work for TV Ads (yeah, that has been my new fantasy to work in advertisements), how much more time in between all this to be able to do a course in contemporary dancing abroad. Then at the same time reach a stage where I earn enough to do something big for the dogs, when is it that I'll get a chance to make a music video(or when is it that Ill get up and make one).

There are just these endless dreams to fulfill and I have this weird feeling that I need to stay awake to plan all of them, which is so not true, but the mind does not understand yet.

Today I woke up in my head.. I was talking to my dance teacher and told her I had wanted to buy her a saree. Thing is I got overly emotional when she came to my wedding and I burst out in tears. I had been wanting to buy her a gift for quite some time now. She said, "Please dont buy me any sarees. Good dancing is enough for me"... Now more than ever I need to do good dancing. Not just for my dreams. For her.

Valuable lessons to learn

A few really valuable lessons I learnt in the past few months. This might help a lot of other dancers, or even other freelancers. Some lessons which should be followed like a holy book. And always better to learn from other's mistakes.

1. It is absolutely easy to get lost in other's dreams and fulfill them and make your dreams come to a backseat. I realized that and decided to get back on track asap.
Quick Tip : Always, and I mean always plan your month ahead of time. Have you set deadlines for your own project? Stick to it. Let nothing come in the way, even if someone portrays it to be a big deal. Trust me , NOTHING can be a bigger deal than your dreams.

2. If you spend all your time building others' dreams, you have no time left to build yours.

I am going to be very self critical about the next one.

3. Understanding the finer nuances of dancing. Get critics to watch your dance and ask them what they did not like about the piece rather than what they did. I have a few friends who are not dancers, and their opinion completely counts. One friend, lets name him X for now. So X's opinion on one contemporary dance piece we had performed was this. "So it was all pretty and all, but honestly the story looked so made up. It looked like the compere needed to explain some story for people to understand, but the piece was only a set of 25 pretty looking contemporary steps but didn't really explain to me the theme explained initially". That friend doesn't know dancing one bit. But when he comes with me for Bharatanatyam, he understands each item even though he doesn't know mudras or anything. He is one of my closest people in the world. So I know it was all genuine. Its such an insight for me to learn. There is no point I live in the glory of my performance and not understand the bad points. Such an insight. Now I'll look at every contemporary dance and think whether it is just a set of pretty looking steps and some random story cooked up in the beginning to make it look like a lot is happening. Thanks X for giving me that insight. Never realized that before. I have seen a few contemporary dance pieces, and now I realized all of them have the same problem. The story is never in accordance to the dance.

4. Say No at the right time.


5.NEVER treat the people you work with badly. You need people more than anything to make any event successful. Even to do a solo performance, you'll need lights and other things to be done by someone else. If they work for you, treat them


6. Stop listening to bulls**t from others.
So the problem in the dancing industry is that each person is busy glorifying themselves at all time. "I know all items of Bharatanatyam very well", "I am an awesome dancer ", "I have a 'Diploma' ". And they find me the right catch to come and brag about themselves. Because they know I would listen to it without bragging about myself in return. Because of this flaw in me, I have seen so much bulls**t from really amateur dancers around that my tolerance to othersself-bragging and self-praising is bare minimum. I never claim I am fabulous. I still say I have a long way to go. And I know I do. But I wonder how some people find a confidence to claim they are so awesome and when I see them, there is this voice inside that tells me "I saw this one speaking too much, but not doing as much".

7. Every person will want you to work for them like as if they are giving you a big opportunity in life. I have never fallen for that trick. For me its a simple business deal. If they give me something, even I am giving them something. Its never a favor anyone has done.

One has to be quite a tough nut to crack when you are a freelancer. But you slowly learn what is right and what is wrong.

10 Things Every Girl Should Do

This is an extended version of this article I read in the June issue of India Today Woman Edition.

(Note that some points are taken from the India Today Woman Edition directly)

While writing these points, I was vividly reminded of the movie, ZombieLand.

1. Build your Brand

Use social media to share your thoughts, get social. Get to know people from different circles, the wider variety in your social circle, the more versatile your personality is.

2. Lift Weights

It will make you feel strong. Also, lifting weights is known to delay the onset of osteoporosis (a bone degenerating disorder that starts hitting women after 40), So keep yourself strong, your bones young.

3. Train for a Physical Test

Have you never been filled with admiration for all these sportswomen we see on TV? Or women who tested their true will power and lost so much of that extra weight that they came on the Flab to Fab article in some magazine? Plan out a test which tests your will power to the maximum limit. Like the next half marathon comes your way, train for it and take part. Or if you want to attain greater flexibility, train to attain a full split. Who says one can't achieve strength or flexibility if one wants to? Trust me, you are never old for anything. 

4. Upgrade your Look

Works for all women. Even those who claim that they don't believe in external looks. After all, a woman is a woman. And every woman loves to look beautiful. Try out a different look some day to work. Or get a new hair cut. You'll love the attention you get from your friends. Good looks is not everything I must say, but it definitely is one of those little things that enhances your mood on days when everything else seems blue.

5. Eat your Multivitamins

I had been going on and off about this one for quite some time now. But considering our current lifestyle, taking an extra pill a day won't do any harm to the liver. Especially for women, very very important to take calcium supplements. I'm going to be 25, and I'm a dancer, and I admit I have been getting the feeling of not having the strongest knees lately. Which is why I started taking calcium supplements and my knees feel much better actually. Try it out. But remember to consult a physician before taking tablets of any brand. 

6. Take Pictures

I don't know whether it works for everyone, but it is usually very important for me to take pictures of events happening from time to time so that I have a collection of photos and reminiscence from time to time.

7. Do your Cardio

This is taken from the movie Zombieland and is a definite hit. There is nothing like cardio which can get you fitter, faster. Considering we gain weight quickest on our hips, thighs and belly, nothing can work like a greater magic than cardio. So go ahead , buy a pair of running shoes, and run

8. Pepper Spray - Your Hand Bag Must-Have

Always, always keep a pepper spray in your hand bag. I was gifted one last year by my roommates, and I admit I have been careless to keep it in my bag most times. But realized I need to start keeping it with me at all times.You get it in major beauty and wellness stores for Rs.499/-. You really might not use it at all, but do you really want to take chances? 

9. Have a Hobby

I don't believe when people say they don't have a hobby. I mean, anything can be a hobby.  Find one. Follow it. Like there was a time when I was making crochet caps as a hobby. I was very young then. Its not at all difficult to find a hobby. Could be anything from collecting recipes, blogging, taking pictures, posing in pictures, finding an art to learn, a new language, decorating your house, trying out new hairstyles. Anything. Its good to disconnect once in a while. I wish to learn atleast one language of the South. Maybe Telugu. I am really struggling to understand meanings of songs during my Bharatanatyam class and knowing a few South Indian languages might help. (Only problem being that my linguistic skills are horrible, zero knack for languages)

10. Eat your Breakfast - Every Single Day 

I can't get enough of how important it is to eat breakfast everyday. I have had days where due to an early morning class I have not got time to eat anything and then after rushing to the class, my legs have shivered throughout. What is the point then of rushing to finish tasks if you are not eating well? After all any activity you want to do requires nutrition, be it mental or physical. Trust me, by experience I'm telling you, the body goes for a toss without breakfast. And that starved feeling is the most irritating feeling you can experience. So go ahead, eat to your heart's fullest.

Dreams in line

I feel its been so long since I penned down what I want in life. All those crazy dreams that I've always wanted to fulfill. I have this theory that if you write/ type down all the things you want in life then you can actually focus on making them true. I admit I was in this phase where I really got very detached with any kind of social networking. I had been in this zone where if I would write anything about myself I would feel conceited or narcissistic. But then I thought who cares, I just want to share. Not brag.

So here I am. Wanting to be completely honest to myself. And to you.

So its been a year since I have been totally into dancing. I left my hefty paying corporate job (or atleast what would have paid me hefty amounts had I been stuck long enough) and decided to dance. It was totally a decision from my heart. Nothing planned. Nothing thought over. The pressure of having done engineering from a reasonably prestigious college and giving it all up did not hit me even once. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. It just felt right to dance at that time. I don't know whether I'll still continue to earn through dance my entire life. But I wish I could. Knowing that earning through art is quite like a gamble. If you are good, you earn so much more than you would have ever earned being a corporate, otherwise you might just be struggling.  But I know for a fact that I will dance. For the pure joy of it.

My journey in the past one year has been such a roller coaster ride. I have done so many random things I could have never imagined myself to do. And I admit it has been a struggle. I still remember when I quit in March, 2011, I took a break for a month because of participating in this TV dance show called Just Dance. After I returned, I started taking classes in a gated community and took a job of a part time tutor in a school. My work hours were essentially about five hours per week. And I was getting exactly 12,000/- per month for two months. That has been my peak in struggling. I had although decided I won't borrow money from parents just because I wanted to feel the struggle and make it on my own. My rent, electricity, transport and dance tuition fees costed me about 7k. I managed two whole months in 5k per month. Trust me, its not at all easy. And once I had gone past those two months and grew more in terms of earnings, I could not have been more proud of myself. Its the struggle that I remember most, even now. I have had corporates come and ask me how much I earn now, trying to compare the ROI as compared to the corporate job that I had.  I refuse to answer such unethical questions because if you can see me alive and healthy, I think that should answer everybody's question.

Coming back to dancing, I don't know how good or bad I am yet. I honestly never evaluate myself. Truly because I like to live in the zone where I feel I am still not good enough. The feeling that I have a long, long way to go really pushes me to keep dancing. Like in my dance class, I have absolutely no inhibitions to revise with the little kids who are practicing the basics and repeating it over and over again. My motto is that if I am in a class, let me get all types of knowledge that I can from it.


Anyway, at least knowing that I am better than what I was a year back is the greatest motivation right now.
I have many dreams actually. Things I have always imagined to fulfill.

a) I want to start my own dance troupe and perform. A lot. I don't know whether I'll form a troupe in Bangalore or after going to the US, but someday I will. And I plan to make it a very folk-contemporary theme. I want to use up all the experiences I have had as a folk dancer and blend it to make folksy pieces. I have always believed that folk can make a dance really vibrant and colorful and I love color.

b) I want to own a studio. Running around for space and to take classes has been so much madness that I know for sure that I'll want to own a studio sometime in life just so that I can have my own space. I think its worth the risk of investing.

c) This one is one of my crazy teenager's dream wish. I have always wanted to make a dance video and perform in it. You know the Ganesh Hedge style. Just hoping to do it someday. I don't mind pitching in money to get musicians and the set ready. I just want to do it for myself. For the thrill of it. It might even become a disaster and become a "Friday" type video. But... Naah, I don't think it will be that big a disaster.

d) I want to get really really flexible. I have been a avid follower of yoga since I was in the 8th standard. I remember my mom would always watch me do yoga. Apparently when I was two years old, I started climbing on a Jhula and was doing weird stunts. And thats when my mom predicted that I would become the Nadia Comaneci, the gymnast who got a perfect 10 in the 1976 Olympics. Sadly, that didn't really happen, but my love for flexibility always continued. So yeah, I still practice yoga and stretch. But wish to take that to the next level.

e) I want to finish my Arangetram. I think wanting to do my Arangetram would have always been there in all of my dream lists in the past five years of blogging. I can't really tell how good or bad I am at Bharatanatyam,  but I'm working towards it is all I can say.

f) I want to expand idea and make it into an annual event for performers and all. Long way to go, but who says one can't dream.

Some of my crazier, but less urgent dreams (call them fantasy) are

g) Get a tattoo. This is also one of my to do lists for a long long time . I somehow cannot get the most perfect thing to be tattooed on me. I decided though that whatever I get, I'll get it done on the nape of my neck.

h) Get a bikini bod. I really want to do this before I get old. I want to go to a bikini permitted beach, wear a bikini and just walk. It just has to do with being liberated. I want to grow old thinking I walked on a beach with the perfect bikini bod when I was young. :P


Its a crazy feeling right now, but typing all this madness out is making me feel super awesome.

Oh I forgot to add, another of my dreams/wishes is to make my husband dance during our wedding. Yeah, more about that later.

Yeah, this feeling is super!!! Just to write down random things and feel awesome about it. :)

Unconditional Love

Nothing in this world can make me feel better as quickly as looking at a picture of her. Polly this is, Polly Kumar, a member of the Kumar Family. People in my family believe she has taken the Kumar Gene and has similar traits like all of us. Its been about four months since I have seen her. And I feel like going and playing with her right now.

You know she has been with me since my 7th Standard. Which is 1999. And I remember all the times where I used to feel low, or just cry because of some reason, and whenever I did, she would just come and rest her head on my lap, just as a gesture to show her empathy. Trust me, there cannot be anyone who can give unconditional love as much as she would. I talk to people in my house and when I ask about her, my mom always seems to tell me she is becoming more and more human each day. I know its true because I have seen her behave like a perfect lady even when I'm there back at home. She has the perfect nails and she would always cross her front paws and sit and bask in the balcony during winters.

The biggest thing I miss being in Bangalore is playing with her. Just being there with her is so much comfort. For some reason because I never yelled at her or was never strict with her, she would always be least scared of me. Like when I would have lunch, she would try to trouble me to feed her whatever I was eating. I remember the uncountable number of days when I would be upset and cry and talk to her. I always got the feeling she understands what I said. Its weird, but I really think she understood what I said. She always slept on the same bed as us, and would always whine early in the morning when she wanted to go do her job. She absolutely loved taking walks outside.So I would get up and somehow in my sleep take her for a walk. It was quite a task finding her leash because she would be tapping her paws out of excitement to go out of the house and urgency to get out and do her job.

So many little things about the cutest thing ever made. I wish Bangalore was an hour drive away from Gandhinagar. Where it would be the easiest thing to just be with her all the time.

The Advantages of Being a Freelancer

Being a freelancer comes with a lot of good and bad. The biggest advantage though is the freedom to take a vacation / break whenever you want to.

No offence to anyone working in a full time job, but when I was working full time, I always used to feel guilty of going and asking my manager for a leave if I wanted to go home, or take a weekend trip, or just take a break and sit at home for a day. Maybe I was not the smartest employee, and was always scared of asking for a leave or something. I was never just good at it. Of course, I took leaves almost whenever I needed it, but I had to think a lot before doing that. Plagued by guilt and fear that the other person would judge me as being a slacker, I would weigh the importance of the event and then decide if I should bunk work or not. Here the work schedule is slightly different.

No, you cannot bunk just like that even here. Because if you are a freelancer, you bunk one day, and you lose three students. But what you can do is plan your classes in a way where you can give off a holiday for a few days where you don't want to work. I usually take summer and winter vacations as a good opportunity to take a break. It actually does not even make too much sense taking classes because the class strength during this time would be half of what it normally is.

The only thing you have to plan in this whole holiday thing is where your money will come from. And if you can do that in advance, and also save up while the sun shines, you can pamper yourself to an amazing one week vacation... Guilt Free!!!

Summers are here

Loads of things to do. I got my car finally. Its a Nano CX and I'm very thankful to dad for gifting it to me :P

Anyway the Bangalore heat has gotten into my head and has begun to make my hormones so crazy that I'm feeling utterly cranky for the past few days. Also, you know how it is when sometimes everyone that you are close with are busy partying all week long and you don't get to see them at all, and when they finally meet you they are so exhausted because of all the partying and you end up getting annoyed at them? Ah I'm sure that has never happened to you. Well, it has to me. And then I realized that me getting angry is not that person's problem , its my problem. And I was probably annoyed because I had nothing better to do. Or rather, I had something better to do but I chose to while away all the time in brooding and wasted it.

So from now, as Barney says it, whenever I'm sad , I'll stop being sad and start being awesome instead.

So instead of getting upset over such little things, let me just divert my attention to doing fun things.

The list of things I want to do this summer:

a) Visit Nrityagram.

b) Start swimming (buy costume and accessories for that)

c) Blog more often.

d) Make more dance videos.

e) Attend dance shows in Bangalore.

Also, I found out the best therapy for women when they are upset or cranky. Just put on a pair of jeans and run to the nearest mall where you can do some window shopping. Also, to ensure you don't end up splurging just take some loose cash and keep your debit/credit card at home. So that you don't end up feeling guilty of the excessive spending.

Also, keep a bowl of cut watermelon or musk melon in your fridge every single day and also keep a bottle of water in the freezer for half an hour before drinking it.

Looks like this is going to be a crazy summer.

Happy Summers everyone!!!

God, not the Snooze again!!!

Remember a few days back I told you how New Year resolutions should start from January 2nd? Well, I take that back. Its been ten days and all I have done is slept. Seriously!!!

I'm otherwise not big on sleeping as such, and I'm truly surprised. I even started thinking I was sick or something. Looks like I'm not. I would pretty much blame the weather then. Bangalore is known for its brilliant weather all throughout the year. The hidden con of this is that it'll make you sleep all day long.

Especially for a person like me, who needs to be up by 6 to reach my dance class at Malleswaram from Marathalli, its always a risk because frequency of Volvo buses is every fifteen minutes and if I miss one, I would already be fifteen minutes late to class.

Speaking of buses, I feel its high time I learn Kannada. Not the language as such, but just some swear words to use at the super annoying bus conductors who would never return change. I always get away with getting a monthly pass but because of the laziness this month, I missed my chance of getting it on time.

One good thing Im doing is going to the Storm Festival happening at Coorg on the 20th and 21st of Jan,2012. Its going to be a car ride till there and OT is going to be the one driving. The storm festival is a two day camping/musical trip where a lot of bands from all across the country will come and perform. There will be tents on a sharing basis for the overnight stay.

The early bird prices were Rs.2700/- for two days including the cost for the tents (An extra refundable Rs.700 will be charged for the tents which will be returned at the end of the camp)

For more details check out http://stormfestivalindia.com/

The Cricket Moment

First of all, wishing everyone reading this a very happy 2012. Second of all, New Year for me starts on the 2nd of January, not the 1st. The entire 1st of Jan goes as a post recovery for crazy 31st. Very few people are lucky enough to chill out to such a great extent on the 31st that they are ready to be all charged up on 1st itself. I was one of the other set. We partied like crazy half the night, and the whole day just went in sleeping. I still feel sleepy as I write this post.

When all of us finished our party and got back home, we were all busy chit chatting till 4. I told my friends about 'The Cricket Moment' then. It was actually an invention by my mom. She believes that sounds explain the intensity of a situation faster and much better than describing it in words. Her talking is generally very animated.

Anyway, so 'The Cricket Moment' is the awkward silence during the middle of any conversation where the atmosphere suddenly becomes so silent, its almost like you can hear the crickets making sounds in the forests. (Crickets the insect I mean).

For Example:

You are shopping this New year. You bumped into a friend (Say Mr. Jojo Junior) who just got divorced recently .

Jojo Junior : Hey dude long time no see. How are you?

You : Hey, what a pleasant surprise . Where are you working these days?

Jojo Junior : I'm at Pune dude. You tell me what's new in your life.

You : (You really don't have any updates about work but still need to continue the conversation. Now you met him after a long time so forgot about his divorce) Nothing much dude. Just work going on. Mundane. How's everything else? How's your wife doing?

Jojo Junior : Oh about that, yeah, I got divorced two months back. We are now fighting for the custody of our son.

You : Oh dude, I'm sorry to hear that. (Super Awkward Silence out of embarrassment and not knowing what to say a.k.a 'The Cricket Moment')

So the next time you go through an embarrassing moment, take a moment of silence. I swear one can actually hear crickets making their regular sounds (Also because to make the situation even more awkward, I ACTUALLY make the cricket sounds from my mouth)

Cheers to all the awkward moments of 2012... 'The Cricket Moments'.

Also don't forget to check out

Inspired by Abhilasha, I decided to make an account on blogadda.com. She has been awarded as an upcoming newbie by blogadda.com. Do check out her blog.

Under Commit and Over Deliver

These two are going to be my motto for the year 2012.

1.Under Commit and Over Deliver.

This is something I really really want to work on. The infinite number of times that this has happened, I can't begin to explain.

I have the tendency to over commit everywhere. Be it work or friends, I end up over committing to such a huge extent and then I can't live up to it. At the end my friends are not happy, and because its work, I somehow manage to struggle and make it work. This leads to an imbalanced life. And why? All because I set unrealistic expectations for myself in the beginning of any project. So 2012, this is one aspect I need to try and work on.

2.No Harm Trying.

I was just discussing with Zubair the other day that there are so many things in life that we don't try even though the thought might have passed through our minds. Why? The dominating reason is generally that we give up. And we give up mostly because we feel we won't get anywhere with it. The feeling that we are not good enough always comes in the way of taking initiative. Like my friends who need to change their job but are scared of not being able to get any job. Like me, who wants to go for contemporary dance classes but am scared because I feel I might mess up my Bharatanatyam. The fact that I did not try it yet itself means that I am having pre conceived notions. The fact that I still did not get a nose piercing or a belly button piercing because I was too scared that it might not work out right. Some things are very little and random but we always stop ourselves from doing so. Riding emotion : Fear. So another motto for the year 2012 is going to be to just give things a try without thinking too much. If it feels right, it is right.

This month of December

You know this weird moment when you meet a friend after many years and all of a sudden you are in a loss of words? That happens with me whenever I take a sabbatical from blogging for a while. Even though I have so many things in my head all the time, when it comes to blogging after a long time, everything in the head seems in a mess. But let me go ahead and write anyway.

December is a very cozy month. I think its the worst month to work. I fortunately planned my work and took off a nice twelve day holiday and came to Ahmedabad. I think offices should just give a big, nice December vacation. The weather is always chilly, makes you want to wear socks in the house, sit on your bean bag and just drink a nice cup of Chai. And it feels even more awesome when your roommate comes with your blanket and puts in on you when you have fallen asleep on the bean bag.

December is all about reds and greens and whites and festivity.

December is all about Christmas and New Year Eve parties and planning for the New Year Eve Parties.

December is about looking pretty almost all the time. (I am a very winter fashion person. You ask me to wear one sundress and I'll be a mess. But if you ask me to dress up for winter, I use a lot of layers and create something nice)

December is about pretty scarves. Loads of them.

December is about boots. God, those boots I would die for.

December is about a lot of love. I have come to believe that November and December are the two best months for love. Just the whole winter feeling is very romantic.

December is about Plum Cakes and Wine.

December is about paper snowflakes stuck at every restaurant.

December is about the New Year Eve party. The happy dancing. The midnight kiss.

December is about being cozy and lazy and sleepy.

December is about sleeping at a very odd time during late afternoon and getting up when its dark. Even though its just some sevenish.

Who wants to work in the month of December now?

P. S : I was planning my New Year Eve dress. Looks something like this.

Have a great New Year Eve party Everyone!!!

Whats the deal with the word "Opportunist"?

So I have been called an opportunist a few times in the past. To be honest, I have never taken it as a negative thing.

The weirdest thing is where it develops from. So I agree I am extremely bad at keeping in touch. And that is something I'm wanting to change. But somehow, people link that to me using opportunity (which I have never figured out how).

The reason why I got this thing in my head is because I just saw some Facebook article where people are calling Steve Jobs an "opportunist". I mean, Common people, spare at least someone in this world that tag and respect them for what they have done. Its all about capitalism people. There is no harm if he creates brilliant designs and sells it to the market for such a high price. People are free not to buy Apple if they don't like. But they do. Because the design is the key. And people pay a price for that. For those who don't like Apple, that's fine because no one is forcing them to buy an Apple anyway.

To be honest, its fine what they think. I mean, everyone in this world has the freedom to have an opinion. I got affected by it once and thought I'll change myself . But then I didn't know what exactly is it that I should change about myself?

I introspected and realized that I am going to be the same. People say I can do anything to "climb the ladder of success", which cracks me up sometimes because the only really successful thing I have done in my life is the day I decided to give my passion a chance. And yes, my family and friends in Bangalore had a big role to play in encouraging me for it. Had it not been for OT, I wouldn't have gone ahead with this. If you call this taking advantage of an opportunity, then Hell yeah.. I would always do that.

So its very important for me to exercise everyday, eat healthily, sleep on time , get up early. Now people think of that as being selfish. Of course I am. And I will always continue to be, because its really important to me. I know the people who respect me for keeping that. I know OT respects the fact. And those are the people who really matter.

Yes, so that's me. Its very important for me to spend time with OT, to exercise, to eat well, not to skip my dance classes, prefer sleep over night outs. Call me selfish, but its about my priorities.

In the end, there is a point where you realize you might try to make everyone happy, but people will still not be happy . So might as well make your priorities happy.

Happy Birthday OT!!!

You know what I have in mind, you know what I'll say, so I wont...

(Now please look at this post, raise an eyebrow and say "Such is Life" and pose :P:P)

Happy Birthday!!!:)

The Dance of Anger

Changes.

I'm getting a car. Thought of a two wheeler but no one in my house seems to be agreeable for it.

I have grown really thin suddenly. I'm trying to gain weight now.

I am reading this awesome book called The Dance of Anger and it talks about why women are angry and moody at most times. The primary reason for it is the fact that we are overfunctioners. We do so much for others that we have nothing left for ourselves. And then we get all angry. Because we don't get it back at the same rate as we give it. (especially men) . Now that again is not men's fault to be honest. The reason they underfunction is because you overfunction. And the reason you overfunction is because the man underfunctions. Its not important who started the dis balance in the first place. Whats important is how to prevent it.

The best way to prevent this life's drama is to stop overfunctioning for just a little bit. I know as women we generally have the tendency to make others happy, especially our men, go out of the way , sacrifice all our personal priorities and keep them as the most pampered people in the world. We might just so think that our sacrifice is taken with gratitude, but in reality the other person underfuctions. Its almost like you are doing the work for both. So stop complaining about your man being a jerk, start changing yourselves. You'll see the change in him as well.

The key in dealing with men is to stop trying too hard. Infact don't just try. Learn to function much much less than you normally would. And that will be the real key to a happy relationship.

So for all the women out there,

Dont try too hard and you'll be happy!!!

Day 4, Day 5 and Day 6

So my day 4, 5 and 6 have been very random actually. First of all, my Bharatanatyam class started with a bang . I have been cooking a lot of healthy stuff these days.

For example :

Ragi Rotis

Mix Fruit Smoothie

Different types of lentils such as Chole, Lobia and Chana.

I have a project with this company for the choreography of one song. Thats what I have been working on for the past two days. This time I want the choreography to be such that not everyone would be doing the same step at a time. There should be less uniformity.

Winter has started. I can feel it in the smell of the air . This is different from the cold that Bangalore usually experiences.

Oh ya, do try out ginger tea. Basically add a huge chunk of ginger after crushing it. It really really opens up your senses. Even if you have not slept for five days, you just can't sleep.

Further plans of group fitness with OT. Lets target swimming or jogging together. The whole idea makes me happy. Makes me feel like one of those living-in-the-country-side and doing these fun things together. Who says we can't have our bicycle-riding fun in the city?

This city is totally awesome. If I have the choice then I would like to grow old here. And have a dog here. Actually two dogs. And then keep their baby dogs too.

Yeah I talk like a grown up. I feel like a grown up.

Actually no..... I still am the bicycle-riding person. :)

I tried downloading the 7th season of How I Met your Mother. I got some random episodes in some random language. Anyway, looks like I'll wait for a few days till more episodes are aired.

Last thing, do try out the headstand. Its super awesome. It just reduces your belly fat at the snap of your finger.

Also try out the dolphin plank pose . I swear I did it for a few d

ays and I might be hallucinating but I can see those muscles on my abs. :)

Day 2 and Day 3

So my later part of day 1 was completely crazy, because the whole day went in getting the garba dress and finally going for garba. I danced for about three hours continuously. I felt like steam was coming out of my face.

I finally came back and slept at 3.30am after dancing like a mad woman.

I got up at some 9am and lazed around for a while.

Did small productive things like adding beneficiaries to my NetBanking, deciding a layout for my visiting card, and making a poster for another workshop. And went for an afternoon siesta at 4pm and got up only at 9pm just to realise that it was time to eat and sleep.

That was all about Day 2.

Day 3, that is today , the 3rd of october, 2011, was quite a blast in its own way. Now my morning getting up schedule went to dogs because I was still trying to recover from the post garba sleep. I had my regular dose of Naariyal Paani , made food, went for a Salsa tryout with this dancer I met during my Garba workshop, met OT , came back and ate food again.

Oh by the way, I forgot to add, I tried a lot of stretches, hand stands, perfecting cartwheel etc along with the Salsa practice during the try out. It was fun.

Tomorrow is a good day because my Dance teacher is back from Singapore after a month. I can't wait to finally see her. :)

Time to sleep early, so that I make it to the class at any cost. :)

Goodnight readers!!!

Day 1 looks good

Yes!!!

I made it.

I succeeded in getting up at 6.00am today.

As I told you earlier , my plans of getting up, exercising went all smoothly.

I had an elaborate breakfast of one boiled egg, a bowl of oatmeal with milk, two slices of toast with Nutrilite butter, and two guavas.

I also somehow ended up getting the time to wash all my clothes, drying them and folding the ones that dried.

So all these things happened till some 11.00am. I got ready after that and went to the rent shop to get my garba ghaghra on rent. I got that, had sumptuous Bengali meal of rotis and fish and got back. I'm almost set to get ready for the evening.

So yeah, this is Day 1. More updates tomorrow.

October Dawns

New month tomorrow. Time to accelerate progress.

Better health.

Better work culture.

Better routine.

Better organisational skills.

Time to get up early and starting the day with yoga. That means getting out of the bed by 6.00am. Very much possible.

Breakfast by 8.30am. Special breakfast recipes include my regular oats and milk, vermicelli upma with soya nuggets and a new recipe by my cook, The "Soaked Fried Chana " (SFC)

So Chana (Chickpea) is a very nutritious lentil which can be eaten just like that after soaking them overnight. It tastes somewhat like peanuts. For those who don't enjoy that taste too much, they can heat oil in a wok, and fry the chickpeas and add salt and pepper.

Drinking a lot of water throughout the day. My regular dose of one "Naariyal Paani" from my coconut vendor friend outside my house. (Ya, I'm good friends with them now, we chat about how they run their business and other stuff)

Plus, I'm going to dance this Navaratri in Palace grounds. I'm all excited. I'm even getting a ghaghra choli on rent because I did not carry a ghaghra choli to Bangalore.

The most important point being NOT to plan the whole day in your diary. The only routine that stays is morning yoga and breakfast.

Happy October everyone!!!

Before After

I had such a roller coaster day yesterday. You know those days where in the beginning everything wrong that could happen ended up happening. And the second half of the day suddenly came with a beacon of hope.

So the first half of the day starts like this.

There was this school were I was a part timer. I wasn't really enjoying the work so had been thinking of quitting it on and off. I even had a talk with the principal of that school regarding this. Yesterday afternoon they told me that they were looking to keep a full time dance teacher who can take regular classes and still need me for bigger projects. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy because I was finally out of stress but upset because one source of income reduced.

What followed was that I was supposed to go for my corporate show rehearsal and before that I was to transfer money to OT's account. Now I had two cheques both of different banks. To cut a long story short, basically I was running around for three hours to get the money transferred and finally couldn't even do that.

I come back all famished, only to realize I had forgotten to take my keys. Worse, my phone got switched off because of low battery. I had no option but to walk up to the company where my roommates work, hope to see some known faces and ask them to call any of my roommates. This process was also an elaborate one hour process which finally got over. Immediately after I came back I had to go to the place where my garba workshop was supposed to be conducted. I went there and took my roommate along. I told her we'll be done in some half an hour but it took a whopping 3 hours from 7pm to 10pm. But those were one of the best three hours. Anyway, it turned out to be quite an enlightening one. I met this guy who was a dancer who told me a lot about business strategies and tactics.

I was actually so dazed that I wanted to write all those points down.

Anyway, the day ended with blissful dinner with OT and Madhavi in my house, candle light and yellow lights across the balcony on the 9th floor , scenic view from the balcony.

And suddenly, everything in the world seems fine.

Why do we have bouts of negativity?

I thought of getting this negativity out of me. Like a disgusting virus that I would treat with yoga. Or an infection out of the body with medicines. I'm letting this be my medicine.

So I have been very very negative with everything around me for the past couple of days. I haven't yet been able to figure out what it is, but its eating me up. I thought I should blog about it, because as much as I don't gather strength to write down when I'm low, it is the truth that only blogging really helps me vent out all that is there inside.

So I have been very insecure lately. With everything around me. With OT. And sometimes I just feel its immaturity. In fact I ALWAYS feel it after I am done feeling that negative emotion. Has it ever happened to you that you feel so insecure about everyone around you? This ugly feeling that your friends have more important friends than you? And then to avoid that you try and cling on to them more, and that puts them off all the more. And then you get more annoyed and cling on even more.

And the cycle goes on.

The only way to break this cycle?

To get rid of your own shortcomings.

I mean forget ego, forget being right all the time. Whats more important right now is not to be important, but to understand that its OK to be wrong , as long as at the end of it you thank yourself for being wrong and correcting it.

Sometimes even when work goes on very well, and to avoid facing the problems that we are facing, we tend to hide in excess of work, making ourselves believe that working like mad will actually divert attention.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but it doesn't. It just waits for it to ferment inside, till it becomes so stale but you cannot get it out because its become a part of your skin.

That is exactly what I have been doing till now. Any problem, any shortcoming, anything that bothers me... I sink myself in work.

End result : Work has gone well. I haven't.

So I take a pledge this time. Next time I have a problem, I solve it then and there and then move on in life. And blog about it if I have the time, space and required tools.

How many of you are with me in taking this pledge? I hope to create an anonymous page where we can rant away all out problems, we can share with each other how to solve it , but never have to know who it really was.

After all, there is a huge part of all of us that does not like telling others if we have a problem. All of us are born in a way where we'll show we are happier than what we really are. I think its good in a way, its like Fake smiling.

When you are upset and still have to smile, you start feeling genuinely happy after sometime.

But lets get to the root of it this time. Lets make ourselves feel better . Lets be honest and get all the negativity out. Trust me, its Ok to be sad about something. We are human after all right. Just like we feel happy, we do feel sad,upset, insecure, negative, suspicious, impatient, intolerant.

I am saying all this because this is what I am (or was) experiencing .

And every time, blogging substantiates my belief of being therapeutic in nature.

So lets take a pledge together today, shall we?

Wonders what A.R.Rahman must be thinking

You know I always ask people around... What will be going through A.R. Rahman's mind when he would listen to his own music piece. Would he be thinking "Wow, can anyone believe I'm such a prodigy" , or "How can I be so awesome?".

Have you ever thought of anything like this whenever you have done any work?

I haven't.

Anyway, I got a huge collection of all A.R.Rahman songs from a friend's external hard disk the other day. Not to forget the collection of How I Met Your Mother too, which has got me all fat and old because all I do is watch it all the time.

Its weird because in college I had decided not to watch any more TV series after F.R.I.E.N.D.S because a)I spent my entire one month vacation only doing that. And when I say ONLY. Imagine ONLY. I brushed and bathed in the evening. Slept for five hours, got up and started watching friends. It was a crazy addiction. But this seems to have started again.

Have you realised sometimes that when we try to make a point with valid arguments, we say "A)" and we don't either have a "B)" or end up putting some lame point. Zubair made me realize this once. And that is what just happened above.

My next book is going to be Shantaram. I have heard so much about it that I just have to grab the next copy. Wrapping up with my Luanne Rice's Summer Light.

I'm going to be a part of a Kannada movie dance sequence. I'll be travelling this week. Lets see how this goes.

And ya, if any dance readers out there, this is for you all. Rama Vaidhyanathan, the versatile Bharatanatyam dancer is coming to Bangalore on September 16th. I had seen her performance once before and I had blogged about it. http://priyakumarnitb.blogspot.com/2010/04/can-i-live-life-of-danseuse.html

Its so weird. Exactly a year ago, I was thinking about whether I can live the life of a danseuse. And exactly a year later, here I am living it. :)

Check out her schedule on facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/RAMA-VAIDYANATHAN/54554134237

And ya, please don't forget to check out my site www.piah.in :)

How one gets used to cooking their own food

Its been almost a year since I started living in this apartment of mine, along with five other roommates. And its been around five months since I started cooking my own food. And believe it or not, I really feel I can cook . I still have not tried making delicacies, mostly because I end up cooking a simple meal after coming back home tired. But my sense of proportion has very much improved.

Except for sugar and salt. These are two things I still flounder. I mostly blame it to my taste buds because I am used to eating less sugar and salt. So even the tiniest pinch of salt makes me feel like its enough, while the others around me always seem to find the salt less.

Anyway I'm back to my green tea drinking habit.

And I'm loving it. :)

Time to get into the fitness mode

There was a time where I was a freak for fitness. I need to get into that mode again. But this time its not ambition to get the perfect figure, but to eat perfectly and sleep right.

Its high time I start taking care of myself. So many things have been happening that I have not got time for myself lately.

Many things right from drinking more water, to eating more fruits and vegetables , to sleeping more, to exercising more. All of it.

Ill try and blog daily about it to keep a check on how much I took care of myself.

July is the fastest month

Did you know I used to come online on my blog almost everyday to read the blogs that I follow, but didn't just realized how fast July flew. It was just a few days back that I thought I wrote the last post. But anyway. Lets focus on what all happened this month.

First of all, I had a complete blast of a birthday this 7th. It was a surprise from a lo

t of people I had never expected. I know birthdays make one happy and all, but this one made me even happier than that, if you know what I mean.

My birthday though ended in OT leaving for the U.S. Temporary parting blues remained for a few days but I consoled myself saying that its just for a month anyway.

Its raining cats and dogs here right now. In Bangalore, when you say "cats and dogs" you actually mean " daily evening chores of sprinkling water in the city". Its weird. So weird. Good weird though. That every time you sweat a little because of the weather, it just rains. So perfect. I did not know something like that existed . I thought weather was just meant to be like a strict teacher and teach you the meaning of tolerance.

This month was crazy. I ended up choreographing two stage events, one for Bosch and one for the school where I teach as a part timer.

They were both brilliant events. I even put up the videos and photos

on

http://www.facebook.com/piahdancestudio

Oh ya, I bought a lot of gifts for Polly for her birthday that was on Jul 11th, but have still not posted it. Bad me. (Lets hope writing it down makes me courier it faster)

One thing that has not been going on well is my food habits. Because of over work. I have thinned down a lot and not in a good way. Also, I have become very

irregular in my Bharatanatyam classes. I am feeling very guilty about that and trying to make up for it by going whenever I can.Hopefully , because both these events are done, I can go more regularly .

On the last note, here are a few photos Zubair and I took from my balcony

. Thi

s is the view from my house. Didn't know how amazing it was until just now. :) Happy reading. (Zubair. Again, why are we fighting? :S:S)

P.S : Green tea still makes me happy.

Time to pen down thoughts

Its been many many days since I blogged last.Blogging is like smoking, you are never interested till you start smoking, and once you start it is difficult to stop. I think I had my share of not wanting to blog because I stopped blogging for a few days.

I dont know whether its just with me, but life tends to run so much faster when you don't pen down your journey. (or blog, in my case). I dont know how fast this month flew.

Loads of events happened by the way.

a)I got much better at cooking. I can cook good curry, sambar and other things.

b)I got part time jobs at two places in Bangalore. So getting stronger financially.

c) I met a contemporary dancer in my dance class who has been learning for the past seven years. She asked me to come to her troupe rehearsals for corporate shows. Couldn't be happier getting an opportunity like this.

d)My dance class is going on in full force.

e)I started reading the Mahabharatha and I can't get enough of it. So, I need to improve my knowledge of mythology to a great extent to be able to give dance exams.

f) Piah dance studio is going really well in the clubhouse. I have some fifteen students now. They all listen to me and really enjoy dancing. Unfortunately though, I slacked off in terms of expanding Piah Dance studio to other places. Also, my logo, receipt book and site are still pending which makes me really really guilty.

While my fingers were moving on the keyboard writing all this, I just realised how much I missed blogging. It makes me want to live up to the routine. But I need to take one step at a time.

Its been one whole month

I last blogged on May 6th. Its been one whole month. And honestly, I don't know how this month passed by. Everything happened really quickly. And not too much progress on my work. I was perfectly absorbed in doing my regular work. Wasn't able to create any little magic in this month. Plus, I was hoping to start blogging again. And here I am. Once again.

I don't feel like giving this one a title

There are so many things in my mind right now. I am feeling utterly cluttered in the head. Today was such a mix of good and bad things that I don't know what to write. Its like a thousand voices inside at the same time that I feel like closing my ears and asking it all to stop. I had a good start today. I helped my roommate exercise today first thing in the morning. Made some good breakfast and sat to work. I just happened to realize then how much I have slacked off this week.

My visiting card is not done yet.

I need to get a dance photoshoot done asap.

I have to get my website www.piah.in functioning.

I need to make a poster regarding a dance aerobics class for ladies.

Anyway, my day started pretty well, and I took a dance session for the kids in the afternoon, something that totally got my mind off all the things. They invited me to play basketball with them after the class got over. I taught them how to take a lay up shots. We did that for sometime and then they taught me to play throw ball. Did you know I have never played throw ball in my entire life?

I had a good time with the kids. I really enjoy being with them .An

d you can always be sure that they'll say whatever is there in their mind. And will NEVER judge anybody.

I had a momentary lapse afterwards when I heard that an IIT-Madras student committed suicide because his project was withheld for six months. I felt more strongly towards it because I have close ones who have gone through the same and I can put it in writing that they were one of the smartest people in college.

The worst part being that students are generally not withheld becaus

e they did not fair well or did not complete their project properly. Many cases where the professor just does not "like" the student or has some personal issues with him/her is taken out during projects. There are students getting 80% above in all subjects but withheld in projects. Something does not fit, because to believe that IIT would set theoretical papers that any not-so-smart person will be able to crack it is not something a prestigious institute like that would do.

Basically, this news brought my mood down a little. But coping up with it by listening to the piano version of songs by Aakash Gandhi on youtube.com. It is like therapy for me nowadays.

This is a picture of me when I was doing yoga some days back in my apartment. I took it on self timer so couldn't set it to full length.

Anyway, my dance academy has a student who is doing her arangetram tomorrow. I'm planning to wear my green and white saree to the event. I also plan to take my diary and make an entire list of everything I see there, full preparations.