Value of Goodness!

I reflect the most upon life when I'm meditating. There is complete silence all around. I was just reflecting back upon my life in the year 2009. This new year I decided I wont keep any yearly resolutions. Instead of deciding to do things for myself, I thought Ill decide all the values Ill inculcate in this new year. My year began with a lot of goodness. And hopefully, I was good to others too. The latter half of the year came with a lot of negativities. I felt from the inside that I was very negative about a lot of people, never understood their perspective. I always thought every action that anyone caused to hurt me was a malicious act of hurting me where it hurt the most.

I was wrong.

I was insecure with my life. I looked at everyone the way the looked at myself.

And its truly said that the way one judges others is a reflection of how one judges themselves.

And maybe I judged myself so much that I was always blank about what to post in my blog. And then I preferred not to blog at all.

I came home after the Surat Inter NIT basketball tournament. I met my best friend after a long, long time. I wasn't even sure whether he still thinks of me as one of his closest. I was wrong in doubting that. I felt the closeness. I was happy. Contented. And suddenly my insecurities flew away to some faraway land. I feel happier now. I got him back.

I thought I had become distant with Popat this semester . She is at home now. She makes me laugh like crazy. Im happy I have her.

Despo was the biggest surprise of this year. After seeing me laugh with him, sometimes I wonder, Can friends ever go away?

And then I get my answer: Never.

I wasnt even in touch with Poki this semester. But when I came home, I roamed with her all around the City. We talked about the times when we were kids and used to hang around and play Pictionary and dance together. It felt like Class 9 again.

And then I realise. That I was wrong in thinking people went away from me. It was me who went away from me. And when I decided to come back, I saw no one was gone. Everyone was there. And then I realised how on-the-edge lucky I was.

So this new year, I thought .. No jobs to be listed in the list of resolutions. Just an attempt to become a better person. And to make others happy.

A year to value goodness.

Forgetful Plans

I thought of doing a lot of things last night. Because of that I wasnt even able to sleep well. Anyway I decided to take things lightly . And I also realised that it doesnt take much time to spend with friends. But it is real fun. And feels good at the end of the day.

Also ..From now on I decided to take more photographs.:)

Little things I like

I like touching dogs' wet noses. And keep touching them .

I like fiddling with the remains in my plate at the end. If it is a vegetable piece , I could use a fork to cut it into a million minuscule pieces.

I like describing an action using sounds. This Ive taken from my mom. When a lizard falls on the floor, she says " The lizard fell.. "Pattth".

I like to look at myself in front of the mirror immediately after Ive cried. I get so engrossed in looking how red my eyes have become that I forget that I was crying.

I hardly cry in romantic movies. But I cry in every dog movie. I cried like crazy when I saw 101 Dalmatians . When they thought the last pup Lucky died,but suddenly it moved its arms, yawning like the most beautiful thing in the world. And lo... the water tank began!

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I like crying. I cry a lot. And a lot. Its lets my grief come out and make me come back to normal.

I like to smell. I smell a lot. I smell petrol , pickle bottles, washed clothes, my hand when there is lotion on it.My olfactory sense is the strongest.

I never like to visualize the end. If i see it, that means Ive lost it. Like when i run a 100 meter race, I never ever imagine holding the trophy. That means Ive just lost it.

I like eating Dairy milk and keeping a piece on my upper palette without chewing it. I wait for it to melt.

I like catching mosquitoes in my hand tight enough to fracture their limbs, but loose enough for them not to get squished in my hand.

Its strange that whenever I end up sleeping more during exams and dont finish a particular topic, that topic either does not come or I can leave it choosing another option I know. And when I dont sleep, it seems like this voice inside already knew the paper and used its discretion to wake me up early in the morning. I can feel it.

I read reading Prevention magazine.

I like mimicking Bubbles's voice (Powerpuff Girls). I like her the most amongst all the sisters.

I like taking quizzes about self help.

I like believing in astrology and feel that I AM truly a cancerian.

I like listening to the sound of flowing water. Whenever I go to a beach, I just listen quietly.

I like singing the Carnatic Music of Bharatanatyam while doing my daily chores.

I like to synchronize my breath with the running steps I take while practicing for basketball.It makes me forget that Im tired.

I like going by the color therapy. Thats why there is red wallpaper in my room.

I like being weird.

The rains are making our hostel pups crazy!

Its pouring heavily in Bhopal. Effects of Cyclone Phyan hitting the northern regions of Maharashtra and Gujarat. Part of the winds coming towards Bhopal and the nearby areas. Elizabeth,our hostel dog and her babies were almost wet when it started raining at night, we went to check whether she was fine. Someone had covered her house (a table) up with used raincoats and cardboard sloping so that the rain water could trickle down . I slept then, couldnt sleep properly though. When i got up, i went to see her.She was all wet,the cardboard under her was damp, the pups were shoving themselves under her, she was shivering and looking at me with those hopeful,innocent eyes. Urshila ,Ritika and me then lifted the pups up and put them in a basket. I could see tension lines on Elizabeth's head. She was probably worried where Im packing her pups away. We then took the following materials and constructed a new house for her:

a)Sacks

b)Flour Bags

c)A Table

d)Shoes

e)Stones

f)Rope

We took these things and made a house for her and her pups. She entered inside and couped herself up in the corner with the maximum amount of sacks. The pups jumped towards her and felt warm and cozy. I felt at peace.

I think ill be able to sleep nicely .:):)

PS: Oh yeah, i forgot to mention.. All the pups have finally opened their eyes. They are those big,black,twinkly,i-love-you eyes.

It was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen!

This is when Elizabeth was a baby.

Our hostel pup Elizabeth finally gave birth to pups. They are so adorable. It was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen.I wish Polly had given birth to pups. :(.

She gave birth starting from 22:50pm on 30th October 2009. 7 pups in all. one died.:( now they are three black and three white.

But anyway ,Im putting up pics. Enjoy!

The above three photos are when Elizabeth gave birth.

The happiest moment of my life..

Seeing elizabeth as a baby. And now seeing her babies.:)

Why I lost the Semi Finals .....

I had my semi finals Inter Branch basketball the same day I was leaving for home. IT/BI vs CS/Chemical. The game began at around 5.00pm. We were on an easy lead. And I was pretty sure we will win. The last quarter began. Unfortunately I already had four personal fouls on me. If I made one more, I would have had to substitute me for someone else. I was playing carefully. Trying hard not to lose my temper. All efforts in vain. We lost. Do you know why? It wasn't my not-upto-the-mark game. It was something else. For the first time in my life, I felt that some people succeeded in breaking my confidence, distracting me to the level that instead of focusing on the game I was busy focusing on how to stop people from saying things. Cheering is one thing during a game, and commenting is another. I know this sentence is coming out from someone who has never let these things affect any game. But amongst the tension,game plan,adrenaline rush due to energetic running on the court, I lost it. Completely. I hated it. And when my heart was hurt, everything erupted. I was dribbling on the court and I heard someone say "Arey akele thodi khelna hota hai, doosro ko bhi khelne do" . I admit I can dribble well, but the second someone said that I lost hold of my basketball. I got it back with some effort again, and by that time I was so anxious and hyper that I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to save the last foul for the last quarter. All the unnecessary hooting and "KP haaregi" ,"KP ka shot nahi jaayega" got me hyper. I pushed the girl who was defending me and took a shot. And guess what? The shot when in straight through the basket . A clean sweep.


But worse was to come. The referees paused the game. The shot wasn't counted.Along with that I was given a foul for charging. My last foul for the game. Last quarter. All gone. I was substituted. The score that time was 9-4. Five minutes left to the game being finished. We were leading. I thought we will survive. I came out and watched those guys in utter fury and resentment. Within two minutes the opponents took 2 shots. 9-8. Within the next minute another shot. 9-10. I knew it at that time that we have lost . I still didnt lose hope. Asked my teammates for just one more shot. Within a matter of seconds, both the referees took their hands and signalled the ending of the fourth quarter.


I lost..



But isnt it ironic that these same people, who had hooted for our team so badly during Sportomania '09 actually made us win?They were the ones who actually motivated me to play so well. You know something? Im horrible at takng shots. My only strong point in the game is dribbling. Otherwise my shots are normally very innacurate. You know during sportomania, I converted 13 shots and 7 free throws ?Guess why? The negative hooting of "7 number haarega" made me truly positive about playing well. I was laughing with pity and remorse looking at them. Because I knew what the results would be. So those set of people were probably the only elements that made us win the game. But this time I lost. I didn't take their criticisms positively. Its my fault. If I could have done the same thing that I used to do earlier, then these negative hooting would be the best motivator for me.

Pehla Nasha (Remix)

I was listening to this song sitting at home, and it suddenly struck me that a dance drama in the form of contemporary ballet can be done on this song. Imagine, the same characters as in the video, one very beautiful, stylish girl along with another girl who is fat and ugly. The theme of this dance drama could be school life.

The point is that, its happened a lot of times whenever Ive listened to any song, it seems like converting it into a dance is not at all difficult. So who came up an idea of "Dance Song"? Every song is one.

Diwali '09!!

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Because I wasnt able to go home for Navratri, I thought why not go home for Diwali?So I came here. Diwali was like any year a silent Diwali, without crackers. Polly gets traumatized after hearing the sound of crackers. It reminds her of her German ancestors probably..;)

Anyway me and Goli decided to make a Rangoli to get the feel of festivities of Diwali.

She decided to make The Simpsons as rangoli. Not only because that is her favorite TV series, but also because we have always thought of The Simpsons having an uncanny resemblance to our family. (Hilarious ,I know)

Homer .J : His behaving like a kid at most times, Penny Wise Pound Foolish. Competing with Bart and Lisa, not answering to the questions their kids ask with the right answer, instead.. saying "No LISa, Daddy does not want you to go there".(Daddy)

Marge: Singing along to herself when she is working in the kitchen, an extremely loving mother,does not hear when her kids are shouting out her name. Cannot be very strict to her kids. Lisa and Maggi's favorite.(Mom)


Bart: Spoilt Brat, very street smart, good with gadgets and playing pranks on friends. Fights with little sister Lisa and finds her stupid to believe in institutionalization and formal education. (Pratham)

Lisa: Passionate, emotional, animal lover, pure vegetarian, environmentalist. (Me)

Maggi: High IQ, always on mom's lap. (Goli)

Santa's Little Helper: Cute ,Brown dog. Always near Lisa. (Polly)


Dur to this,Maggi decided to make the Simpsons rangoli during diwali .It turned out to be pretty much a disaster, with me giving outlines in black and my brother in green.




Also, I discovered a few things:

a) Socializing does lighten your mood. Even its on the net.

b) Polly is really a smart dog. There was rangoli all over the balcony. But she was really smart not to step on it, even if it took taking a few extra steps.

Inter Branch Quarter Finals today!

Quarter finals inter branch : IT/BI vs Masters. Lets see how it goes. Just read a mail on faith. Suddenly inspired. Also met one janitor who works in our wing. She told me she has six kids. The eldest one owns a dance class somewhere near our college campus. He has been to Boogie Woogie once and performs on many city shows that happen for cultural or religious programs. The second son delivers pizzas from Pizza Hut ,Bhopal. The eldest son hasn't got married yet because he wants to establish himself . The second and third children are married. I was very impressed an awe struck seeing such unconventional ideas in a supposedly lower middle class family. Its then only that i realised..

You can find creativity anywhere. You don't need money for it to happen.

Phew!My net connection finally works!!!

I absolutely loathe not being able to blog. It is almost a month since Ive posted anything on my blog. Maybe because of work load,sponsorship for Ripple '09 or anything. But its back to be on track. And my god, my Airtel connection has never caused so much problem ever.

Dont have a lot to say. Just that I hope this hostel connection continues to work as well as it is now.

If clowning around keeps me happy...So be it!

One of the little ways to be happy. See others laugh. Even if its at you. I realised being laughed upon is not that bad when it makes you laugh too. Little ways to keep oneself happy.

(Courtesy: Prevention Magazine, August 2009 Issue)

Because the world conspires for it to happen!

"When you want something good in life, you pay a price for it. When you want something better, you pay a heavier price ."

But when you know that you see not a single scenario favoring the thing you want, mark my words, you wont be happy even after you get it. Because it wasn't meant for you to be.

Strive for a particular limit, fight till you keep seeing some ray of hope. But if everything right from your phone to your friends , your family to your work... everything seems dishevelled, it just means there is a signal warning you against it.

The difference between paying a price and getting a signal is that, when you have to pay the price ,you just have to. It doesn't come with an option. But getting a signal does have one.

I had my share of getting a signal .And chose not to.
The whole thing wasn't worth it in the first place ,I think.
Too many fights.
Too many enquiries.
Too many tiffs.
Near-to-falling-out fights with close ones.
Ignorance.
Arrogance.
Revenge.
And then, Polly falls sick .She has tumour. Not sure whether its benign or malignant. I feel numb.Cant understand a thing. Im not sure whether I should stay at home for a few days. I feel so attached to her. It scares me. The biopsy reports will come next week. Hope its not malignant. Otherwise chemotherapy sessions begin. Im sure though its benign.

Its at that moment when I look everywhere and think.. some things can look so petty when seen from a distance.

Some things look so frivolous when you talk about it, but when you come up with a greater problem , you can see the bigger picture.

And it feels so petty and small to even say what the problem actually is. I don't want to feel small about myself when I describe what it is which made me introspect circumstances.

Not thinking about it , I have decided to dedicate this year to a whole list of new things. Things which I didn't/couldn't/never thought of/ always wanted to do. A toast to a bright , new beginning. And for the petty things to follow, what was I thinking when I was fighting with a few people ? Why couldnt I have just reacted normally when they were asking me things/interviews/application forms/posts in the college? Why did I react?

I feel utterly stupid and shallow now. I feel there was no point fighting over something which wasn't worth fighting for. I also realized how crazy mob mentality can make you. I feel embarrassed to write this blog , but I had to declare my mistake. And i finally repaired it. I chose not to. I had always chosen not to. Revenge and curiosity of other people in me made me want to get back at them. I forgot for a moment I needed to increase my Karma points considering the number of good deeds Ive done till now has taken it to minus.

I wouldn't forget that now.

The road less travelled

Im scared. Not scared to death. But scared. I want to know what's best for me. I happened to meet this woman in our flat who had been in the Navy for seven years. I was awe struck by her. And at this point, I feel like a little kid. I feel like thinking about random things right now, a lot of things ...and nothing related to each other. A complete mad hatter is what I feel right now:

a)Join the navy.
b)Become a veterinary doc.
c)Open a dance class for 15 days in Gandhinagar, and teach them a few dance routines. Pocket money.
d)Go abroad and learn Ballet.
e)Take a trip with my mom and sister. Girls Holiday Out.
f)Sleep continuously atleast for 16 hours. And feel totally fresh.
g)Buy a domain name .Create a web site.
h)Collaborate with my mom and hold a dance competition for different categories in the Town Hall at Gandhinagar. Something small but fulfilling to start with.
i)Not to sit for my placements at all. No point because anyway they are looking for coders. Whtas the point of looking for a "backup" just incase things dont work out.
j)Collaborate with my mom and help her open a boutique. I will be incharge of decorating the boutique. Decorating it with handicrafts and artifacts. Use of wood logs in the boutique as seats. Converting our garage into a boutique seems like a wonderful idea. :):)


I dont know why is it that a lot of times this randomness enters my head and stays for a long time. Why is it that I end up deciding the most random things in life and something so monotonous comes on my way?

I dont know what to do. I just dont. Will this realisation ever come to me?Or shall I do everything turn by turn?

And when I dont, I just want to go home. Things seem so much simpler then.
Even without a solution. :(:(

Introspection!!!

Its really strange. I had an amazing July till now. A lot of events unfolded. Some of them being:

a)Vizag Trip: The greenest place Ive seen till date. I used to think Gandhinagar is the greenest.. and I realised my folly when I visited that place. It had some awesome sites to visit, a few of them being Rishikonda Beach, Bora Caves and Aruku Valley. The road to Aruku Valley was the most heavenly thing I had ever seen. For the first time I could see clouds between mountains. Some pictures from the visit are seen below:


b)My birthday: Was on the 7th July. A really cute birthday it was. I cut the cake three times. We went trekking in the evening on the rocks near our office campus. Later that night, a few of us went to this place called Mainland China. It was a lovely place. We had the best food ,best ambience and the cute waiters played the "Happy birthday" song with their guitars. :):). Was feeling On top of the world.

c)Work wise things went pretty well, had my interview today...That didnt exactly go well. But im happy i reached till there.

d)Hoping to get back now. Harsh was the closest friend I made and he will be gone tomorrow. Now i am really dying to get back.






After all this, I sat thinking about why Im still not happy with what is going on? And then I realized it is because for the first time in my life, the work that I am doing is not what I really want to do. .

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And after these two months, Im absolutely sure that this is not what I want to make out of my life.

Back on track..Back to life!!

First of all ,let me jump as high as I can..July is here!!! Yay..

I must be one of the very few people who gets excessively excited about my birthday coming,and one of the rarest to sit with a pen and paper and actually plan it. So here it is,my favorite month,for the obvious reasons. I love this month for a lot of reasons,mainly being loads of rain,dewdrops on plants early in the morning, college reopening,looking forward to setting up my new room , meeting Popat after such a long time, seeing the birthday pics everyday ..again and again.. So many things happen during July. This July is a little different though. I used to spend every year normally roaming around with Amit , going to Cafe Coffee Day and Cool Point , Infocity, Gandhinagar. Used to listen to his talk, loads and loads of interesting ideas,the way he used to laugh like a moron. This year I havent been able to get a chance to sit with him in those places.And I spent these holidays without him. :( Hope to see him when I get back sometime during the later half of the year. One of my friends had told me that he was disappointed seeing sad posts in my blog. So I decided Ill come back with a bang. And yeah, so I am back ,with the best of my zest and zeal. One of the things I decided to do was to make a list of top 100 things to do before I die.

I had succeeded in making only a few,but thought Ill keep updating as I remember. So here it goes,the few of which I have in the making of a fulfilling life.

1)Walk in the sands of the Goa beach,in the evening..watching the perfect sunset.
2)Get a belly button piercing.
3)Make a dance video,and be the lead,with cool effects...using black,white and red.!!!
4)Get a set of professional photographs taken..the style diva for a day!
5)Have a pet organization.
6)Buy my mom a ticket to some place abroad,all by my own money.
7)Adopt a baby.
8)Taste Alcohol once..and see what its like getting drunk.
9)Get a tattoo.
10)Go to all the continents of the world once..even if it is one place each.
11)Start a cultural events academy.
12)Buy a cool NIKON camera ,used by most professional photographers,and take a lot of photographs.
13)See all weather conditions, snowfall,desert,rainfall,autumn leaves,spring flowers.....
14)Visit to a spa in Kerala.
15)Cook a full five course continental meal ,which btw is delicious...all by myself.
16)Do a ballroom dance,wearing the perfect Black gown.
17)Get a huge family picture ,which can be blown up into becoming a wallpaper of one entire wall f the room.



Loads of things happening in life. A cultural programme took place during our internship. One was a classical dance and the other was a Giddha (Punjabi folk dance of women). The giddha went well, but due to time constraints my solo bharatatyam didnt go really well.I didnt have time to edit the song, and my final performance had a lot of disturbance. Apparently the audience wasnt able to relate to it (a few came and complained as well). I was upset for sometime because of some random people coming and telling me things. But then,I thought its a challenge to come up with a performance without any flaws.

Anyway, Im making a trip to Vizag with a few friends of mine. I plan to celebrate a birthdya in advance during the weekend ,wear a straw hat, bubble chappals, and a shell necklace, and cut the cake on the shore ,water hitting my legs. I hope the weather and other things go the right way. Im really excited about making the trip . And Im missing a few people as well. So yeah,in short, this is pretty much what is happening in my life right now. 17 days left for me to go back home. Im happy and sad as well .Made a few good friends out here. Will miss them a lot when I get back. Lets not think about it for now. Lets hope the best for this new month.

Oh yeah, I also sprained my ankle in the aerobics class in the office building. I fell at an angle of 90 degrees flat on the ground. Its much better now. But lets hope it gets perfectly fine before I leave for Vizag.

Cheers!

???

In the midst of being upset, I just happened to see the tags of my blogs,and i realized that I have the maximum tags are of a)Memories b)Happiness c)Change is Necessary.


Why the hell am i losing my cool if Im having a share of sadness in my life then?

Theory of Karma!

I was going to write a post with a lot of vengeance,but saved it in my drafts folder. Because when I was half writing it,I happened to mention about the theory of Karma,which said that if you do bad to others ,it will come back to you someday. So let the punching bag stay in my drafts folder forever.



And i dont know how many times i need to repeat this to make my mind feel better, but if you want something good in life, you pay a price, if you want something better in life, you pay a heavier price.

I dont know what am I having to pay such a huge price.For what?


I still have faith in Him.I know He has something in store for me, because in this world, everyone has an equal share of good and bad. Maybe i had a lot of good,just paying dues for the bad.

Optimism!

I always used to tell myself "If you want something good in life,you pay a price for it..If you want something better,you pay a heavier price". Dont know why i forgot what it really meant. And you know what ,I learnt another new thing .
"When you are failing,atleast you know you are attempting,and that is the first successful milestone youve reached".

I dont know whether Im paying a price for all the good things that had come my way in this year,or whether it is the onset of something good,atleast i know this. "This too shall pass."

Swinging to Songs!

I always have different songs for different moods. I always thought I should make a list of songs that suit each of my moods.


a)Romantic : Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx),I Need You (Marc Anthony), Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden),You look wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton), Teri Ore(Singh is King), Pehli Nazar (Race) are a few.

b)Enlightened/ Emotional : I Promise (Stacie Orrico) , Daughters(John Mayer), Krishna (Colonial Cousins) ,Tum Se Hi (Jab We Met),Viva la Vida (Coldplay), Scientist (Coldplay)

c)Sad/Depressed : Take My Heart Back (If Only)

d)Peace: Flames (Vast),Hotel California (Eagles)

Stuck in the moment!

Raindrops all around,the sweet smelling earth at its glorious best,a lush green carpet bed,the feeling that I get when I extended my hand out of the window,and feel the silver bullets striking through it."Magical" is what I think when I see the marvels of nature.But the greatest marvels of nature could be family. Wherever I am,wherever I go,but i cant help get stuck at the moment.

The balcony,with a lot of pots around...sweet smelling Lilies and citrus China grass,..the glassy money plant with crystals of water falling on the grass. This time,when my mom made the best coffee for me and my sister and herself. My brother would have his standard Chai. We opened all the windows of the house,little sprinkles getting inside. Then all of us,me ,my brother,my sister and my mom would go to the balcony and sit,each grabbing a chair for themselves.My brother and me preferred to sit on the floor,leaning against the wall,holding his ceramic Chai cup in his hand. Polly ,who loves sitting where she has loads of company,also came to the balcony and sat with us,listening to our talks. The hot steaming cup of coffee,that opened the pores and senses of my face,and my brother's talks that opened my mind. The merry laughter, my mother's jokes,my brother's humor, my sister's getting irritated because she was made the butt of most jokes, my laughter at the mere hearing of so many jokes.I used to be cuddling Polly most of the time,brushing her hair. She looked into my eyes,and was the purest. It seems like ages since Ive had a moment like that ,just sitting and talking.

Sometimes I think,everything is racing so fast. I got admission in NIT Bhopal.Started living in another hostel,away from home.I used to look forward to going home on vacations.And this time Im spending it in Hyderabad,again,away from home. I want to close my eyes,and feel each moment with my family all over again.Those wintry afternoons, the rainy evenings and summer nights.

I just close my eyes.I feel it all over again.

Arundhati Roy:God of Small Things

I always liked to read books written by Indian authors,because I could relate to them so much better.And Arundhati Roy proved all my thoughts to the greatest extents.Ive read only half the book right now,but its soo addicting.

There is something about the way she looks for optimism in all negative aspects.
And thats soo true.A lot of times we feel our lives are in dump,but you know what?There will be soo many others whose lives would be in greater pains.So we musnt complain.
A must read for all.

Btw...music lovers: you must lsiten to "Toss The Feathers" by The Corrs.

And yeah,im coordinating a music show on a small level in our office. I dont knwo the ABC of music.But its fun seeing such talented people come together to perform something.LEts see how the preparation goes.

Hmm..Btw Pavitra..this is for you if you are reading this.

I miss you big time.

Cheers!

Detox Diet!

New thumb rule!!

When I feast on heavy,oily or junk dinner..the next entire day should be a detox diet.Which means giving total rest to your stomach to restart . Not eating carbs,having fruits,four glasses of lemon water, and everything light on the stomach.

Apparently,they say,it helps the skin to sparkle if done regularly.
PS-Dont worry.A day of absence from normal food doesnt mean Im getting anorexic.Just means my digestive system needs a day to restart.

My first pay cheque!!

I got my first pay cheque.No...no treats,Im planning in saving it,buying things for my family,and using a little to invest on shares.Yeah,Im going to try my luck at the stock market. Not to earn as such,mainly to learn how the stock market works.

Btw,there is a random Wi-Fi that works from my apartment.I love it!!!:):)

I love my Cubicle!

Im sitting in this dark cubicle,chose not to switch on the blinding-the-eye tubelights,have a table light switched on,listening to "Walou" by Outlandish,making a list of the work I need to finish today.Little stick notes here and there in different colours,brightly shining,more because of the dim lights,a glass of warm milk with foam,my laughing Buddha...random things scribbled on my whiteboard,list of upcoming birthdays...a picture of Bubbles of Powerpuff girls..

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And then I realised..
I truly and whole heartedly.
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I love my cubicle!!!

I am a weirdo and I love being one!!!

Its weird at times.When people ask me the following questions:

a)Whats up with your hair?
Ans: Nothing is ever UP with my hair.Its curly,and so its messy.And i have no qualms even if a leaf gets stuck in my hair.Let the leaf also get a place to rest for a while.

b)What do you do at your internship besides Gymming and reading the newspaper (read:Proof Reading)?
Ans:Nothing...Yeah...

c)Why am I so Loud?
Ans:Thats because Im such a tiny person,that my voice needs to compensate for it all.

d)Oh my god..such big Heels,how do you walk in them?
Ans: Duh...Cant you see Im just 5 feet 1 inch?...I need to look taller....Lemme bear with the aching feet in warm water later.

e)Wooden Chappals..Arent they a bit weird?
Ans:Read the title of this blog post and you'll realise why.

f)Toe ring......ummm...Are you married???
Ans:Funniest..I have no answer for this.Look at the person with a blank face. And guess what?It was my chemistry college teacher who asked me this.Embarrased and a red face...

g) Lady...You have SOME appetite....??
Ans:Why do you think I go to the gym?

h)Why cant I hear anything from your cell phone?
Ans:Oh thats because it fell into a bucket of water one day,and since then,..the speakers are damaged..Not to mention,when i gave it to be repaired,the only change was that the vendor removed the vibration mechanism..So my cell is always on silent mode.and Im still using it.

i)You are so short..and you play Basketball..WEIRD??
Ans:Yeah ,the tall ones roll me up and use me as one.

j)You have a weird sense of dressing,
Ans:Hey come to my room and check out my golden sandals and multicoloured tshirt.

k)Dont you just LOVE making lists?
Ans:Yeah..Check my previous blogs.I make a list of what lists I need to have.

These are just some of the weird things that prove im a total Whack Job..But yeah..Will update on the rise of the occasion.

Loads of things to write!

Its been long since i posted any blog...maybe close to two months.So i decided to break the ice by writing something..So much has happened in my life since then.Its like ,i got my lucky charm. Im interning at Microsoft,and i truly love my job.Its my kinda job. I love the place as well. I want to write a lot about this place and about my journey from then till now.All the changes,all the getting-adapted-to procedures. But i really miss Bhopal,i miss home,i miss my mom and my sister and my brother and dad and Poll,i miss Roobaroo,i miss my "sons&daughters",i miss Popat,i miss my room.Soo many thingsBut enough for now,as i know the ice is broken..Ill be regular in posting blogs daily.One-Post-Each-Day is going to be my motto now.And you know what,typing these words down actualy motivated me to follow it..atleast for today..:).

Cheers!!!

CAN I SCREAM OUT LOUD???

God.....Soo much pressure at one go. Unix,the subject has grilled my head,the final project report,fully bound,with lamination has our guide's pen marks on it.  Reason???Correction in a few errors...God ....750 bucks.. has to be remade. Solution:We will just stick pages on top of it..Result:Untidy report. Too much course for the exam.. Plus the hostel gate closed at 8.30 today.Couldnt go out to meet someone. I am feelin irritated right now,tied down,frustrated...Annoyed is more like the word. 

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Silver lining: The fact that im venting out myself is already making me feel better.  I got the negtivity out.. 

Another advantage of blogging you see..

I still wish to scream out louddddd......once...so thats its all out of my system..

Thanks buddy..this meant a lot...seriously!

Sometimes you feel you are losing out on friends,and suddenly they all come in front of you,back to you,like as if they never left you in the first place. I felt truly special today. And trust me,nothing could have made me feel soo much better than what I felt after talking to one of my really close friends,and btw,im proud to say that i havent lost all my friends.. Im back on track,injured,hurt, but survival is the key to this world.

 I realised that I still have most of my special friends with me,and all this while when i kept crying for the lost ones,i forgot about those who were still there.I have nothing to cry now,ive cried enough, but wont anymore. Im all geared up for my exams now,and i realised that i can study only if i am happy. The friend gave me a lending ear,to all my problems,related to my minor project,exam preparation, exam schedule ,internship help....everything i could get help with. I just felt soo good venting myself out. And now i feel so much more relaxed now. So much contented. I now know how it feels to lose out on people....and how it feels when you realised that you actually didnt lose them.

 Thanks buddy,it felt really great to have you back. This one is for you!!!

The feeling of feeling focussed.

It finally feels great to feel focussed.I seem to have got back on track,with a lot of enthusiasm. Thanks to someone special,who taught me how to get focussed about life and work. I finally know what I have to do after I pass college,and I know what to do before I finish college. The main thing to do is my Arengetram,havent given it up yet. Im hoping Im able to practise during the 7th of the 8th semester,and placement rat race doesnt deter me from doing so. And earlier I was thinking of doing my Arengetram in Gujarat.But now im thinking,why not do it in Bhopal itself?Will be more fun having all my college mates see my dance performance. 

Btw,the same someone taught me another thing.That one should sleep early,get up early,for complete efficiency. So from today onwards Ill sleep before 11,and get up by 6 everyday.

And ya,also that every hour of sleep before midnight constitutes to two hours of effective sleep.So the earlier you sleep,you can make up with six hours of sleep and feel totally fresh the next day.

So go on people,grab your early night's sleep.

Oh ya,almost forgot...the white puppy outside our hostel,who was named Elizabeth by me,got hurt badly on her leg.She was whining,i sat with her for sometime..then went to Mata MAndir to look for a vet,but couldnt find any because it was a Sunday,and it was already eight o clock. So ill be taking her to the doc tomorrow to get her plastered on her leg. I really wish she gets well soon so that she can begin chewing my jeans once again.

Im all happy today!!

Cant believe this unbelievable transformation from yesterday to today. I was all sad,depressed ,vulnerable, lonely till yesterday. I was crying over a lost friend,when i forgot that in return i had got someone in my life who made me forget all miseries. And of course to the rescue he came...And i was all happy and cheerful again. I was in a dilemma for a lot of reasons....work mainly. I wasn't getting a sense of direction as to what i am supposed to do after B.Tech..plus emotional vulnerability of losing out on a friend. I am so happy today,because I tried my level best to get the friend back..and if i think i tried..i will also get something in return. Plus i finally gained focus on what i should study. And I'm finally relieved that I'm not standing in the middle of this crossroad,trying to wonder which direction i should go towards.And finally,i all set to start studying for the thing I feel Im supposed to be.And Im proud of the person who gave me this sense of direction..I love the restaurant Bake and Shake at 10 number. Lovely place,amazing music,nice ambience,refreshing coffee.

I am seriously happy today after crying for hours last night because of the lost friend ...and Ive realized one thing. In life ,

"Good things come with a big price..and better things come with a bigger price. "

Change is constant! Frustrated Ramblings...

The year 2009 has been a year of a lot of change in my life.And as I always say..expect the unexpected. Too many things happened which has led me in a very different world than I normally was. And to be frank..Im not sure how good am I at adapting changes..

a)Internship at Microsoft,Hyderabad.Absolutely unexpected.Especially for a non technical person like me.Apparently they were looking for an intern who could fit into the post of a Product Manager.Not sure how i ended up fitting into it.

b)The formation of a full fledged basketball team girls of of MANIT,Bhopal.. we went to Hoshangabad to play an open state basketball championship and were runners up..i.e reached the finals..god only knows how that happened because we were so unprepared.Didn't have players decided at positions and at the same time,didnt even have a basketball kit...Anyway again the second element of surprise.

c)Sportomania 2009- MANIT inter college sports meet happening for the first time for girls. We won the finals basketball..Again a mystery how.. And seriously we hadn't even practiced ..

d)Lost out on two really close friends from my life because of huge misunderstandings and their disappointment over a decision I took in my life. I did not know ill have to pay such a heavy price for The ONE decision of my life.I still miss them too much,,and waiting for them to come back. Because they should understand that its one thing to take a decision and abide by it and another thing to lose out on friends and feel lonely,inspite of having so many people around. So 2009 made me realise Im a really cruel person who just knows to hurt people .

e)Took one major decision of my life of not being alone. And because I gained someone in my life,i ended up losing two. And this gaining wasn't expected.I was always against this policy ..but hypocrite that i am,i changed it.

f)Room got renovated and house looked really different. Not so big a change but listing things irrespective of their order of priority.

g)In this dilemma in the middle of this year what am i actually going to do in future..It seems so easy for people going for some coaching ,whether or not they are happy,because they atleast striving to work for something.What am i striving to work for?I have no idea.

h)Being scrutinized by some colleagues of my college and people judging me for decisions that i have taken in my life has been cornering me to a very huge extent.I normally am a very strong person but to some level...i get the feeling i can crack anytime...so vulnerable i am right now.

i)I'm happy that the decision i have taken in my life has been treating me well.No complaints at all.Infact Im really happy for that one thing.The external effects of course is taking a toll on my strength and courage,but the decision itself has made me happy.

j)People scrutinizing my decision and suspecting it has again been freaking me out to a huge extent.Esp if it was my close friend. I really don't want them to come to me and tell me that they had warned me and i didn't listen if i regret my decision..which till now i obviously don't.



So basically tooo many changes happening in a person makes her blank about whatever is happening. She is strong about adapting to changes,but wants a few things never to change.Like losing out on friends..Because she really is waiting to get her two lost friends back to her life.Because she really really missed them the most right now. Will she get them back?

Movie Marathon

Isn't it strange that a non movie buff like me ended up watching two movies,back to back....in one day...in the theater?????
I know difficult to comprehend. It was more like chance than choice. We bought tickets for the morning show in Jyoti Cineplex as it was cheap.We entered...waited for the movie Delhi 6 to start,suddenly "Slumdog millionaire" started.I was really blank for a few minutes. And as i had seen the movie earlier,i knew that it was Slumdog right from the first scene.We actually started considering getting out of the theater,but we couldn't.We were embarrassed to tell our other friends about it,and were laughing our minds off at the foolishness on our part. We finally decided we will watch Slumdog fully and then go to a cheaper Cineplex to watch Delhi 6. Because in the end we didn't want to go back telling people we didn't watch the movie we went for,and came back without watching it at all.So this is how we watched Slumdog and then Delhi 6 immediately after that in a really cheap theater.

Reviews:

Slumdog was as good as ever. The hindi dubbing is a real mood killer though.Also check out Pussycat Dolls cover for Jai ho.Much better than Sukhvinder's version.His voice is really irritating.


Delhi 6:Music was fabulous.Title track is nice.So is Noor,Genda Phool. Story had no meaning in it.The "monkey man" fiasco that happened in Delhi once in 2001 was the only thing the story was based on.


Today is the 1st of March.New day of a new month.New beginning. And lately i realized i wasn't spending time for myself enough. Sometimes it happens that one ends up giving too much priority to others that I forgot my own existence.I was tied down in this solid web in trying to solve a lot of complexities in my life. But you know,they say,instead of trying to invent an anti gravity pen,why not look for a pencil to write in space?

I really have to start concentrating on myself rather than others.And spend time with myself more than others.This involves a)less phone talks,b)less eating outside food ,c)caring for yourself first.

I have to start studying as well.Right now scenario is really bad.Not studying,only eating junk food.MY skin all tanned after basketball an ruined after all the erratic food and sleep habits and eating outside food all the time.And i realized that i need a mental "stick" to bash me up whenever I get out of schedule,or do something which is not good for me. So today is the new day of a new month,and i decided to refresh my brain a little and think of what i am doing.And whether this is what i want for myself.So a whole new list of monthly and weekly resolutions getting entered in my notice board.Lets hope the mental "stick" is there to bash me before things get out of hands. And my previous post about control over yourself,i must say that no matter what happens in life,or no matter how vulnerable you get...never ever lose control over yourself.

Is control over yourself always the answer?

Does one always have to control what they think or feel?Doesn't it ever happen that for once you feel like surrendering to destiny? Or surrendering to what you think or feel? Instead of trying to capture those emotions into one big prison,because you think thats the way it should be......or if its the other way round,it might end up harming you??

Although sometimes after one has surrendered,one might face failures and then look back and wonder whether they took the right decision in the first place..So its upto oneself to think what is more important.........those cherished moments that live forever,even after knowing that failure has happened?Or "strategize" so perfectly that one ends up preventing....and Curing doesn't get a chance at all?

Once bitten,twice shy....I know that.. But what if one doesn't want to think at all?

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"For every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful."

Layout of my new room!!

Im really excited about my room getting renovated..It was more than expiry date to the room..and it needed a thorough job to it.Finally the day has come where it has started..I just have two days to specify which colorsare needed to paint the walls and what further changes.I dont want to waste money unnecessarily,so im making as minimum changes as possible..

Anyway i have a few plans for the room,and a few added decoration designs.. Would be happy if you can give more suggestions or give further ideas.

I was just talking to a friend the other day,and we were discussing about the color orange...He happened to know a lot of things about significance of the color orange (ask me what he doesn't know.. :P).He told me the color orange signifies purity in most religious cultures,be it the Buddhist culture or the Hindu culture. Also the chinese culture had associated its positive energy with the color orange.. Also ,according to the color therapy, the fun and flamboyant orange radiates warmth and energy..also stimulates activity....so lazy birds like me can finally get up and do SOME work..

Although orange can bring out strong emotions in a room...more like "love it " or "hate it" response.. but shades of peach,rust or terra cotta bring positive energies. So finaly i made up my mind to paint my room orange in color..I thought i would match it up with an off white color so that only orange should not become jarring to the eye.
something like this.
Also ,i thought of adding a touch or oriental culture to the room.So i thought of the lamps that can be used ,those paper lamps easily available in FabIndia for less that 300 Rupees.Here is an image of the lamps that can be used...Check out these lamps ...

(i dont plan to put it on the ceiling like this...it will probably be oriented on one of the sides or something..and maximum of 4 lamps....and maybe different sizes...lets see)

Also i thought ill add a touch of ethnic Gujarati work ...maybe on the pillow or a few cushions or something..I like the mirror work that is done in the Kachchh region of Gujarat.





Finally ..use of green in the form of plants and a few bells will complete the look of the room i guess. Lets see how it goes.....

Latika's theme

You know,there are times in life when you want to get out of all the mad rush and go to a quiet place and just sit in peace and calm,where there are only good things,no hatred,betrayal,envy or pain?Where you can's see all that is happening in reality?Let ignorance be the solution for once. I listen to this song and it gives me the solution.

Curling up on my mom's lap!!!

In this mad,bustling crowd of frantic people and never-ending activities where every mortal gets stuck in the rut of staying at pace with the others,where everything around seems like a black hole,that inspite of everything good happening in your life and people telling me good times are coming my way..........why is it that i just feel like closing my eyes and remember the good old days when i was a kid.??The moments when i used to bruise my knee after a bicycle race on my little BSA Champ multicolored cycle...and when my mom used to put Dettol and i wailed my eyes out because it burnt...............The moments when i used to come back from school and cry to my mom because i was one of the shortest girls in my class and asked her why god forgot to give me height...and she used to hug me and tell me that big things came in small packages...and i believed her....There were times when i fought with her like mad for silly reasons....and she still forgave me...i remember my teenage years...when irritability was my only emotion..........but still she bore with me......patient and kind......never got angry because of my petty tantrums.......

All these moments flash through my memory right now...at this phase...when people around me think that success is knocking on my door really hard (which again i think im just lucky right now,not because i was meant to get it),i dont feel like even thinking about all the materialistic achievements this month......nothing about the internship,or the basketball tournament..or even about any pretentious SGPAs....Dont want any gossip,any bitching about me,those eyes looking at me,waiting to cause harm..... those mouths that gossip about whether im even worth any internship or those wrong intentioned guys......

I can just think about going to my mom.......putting my head on her lap.....and stopping time.........



I just want things to be simple ...you know the KISS rule (Keep it simple,stupid)....

My basketball tournament - 23-27th Janurary,2009

Every time it so happens that i always come up with a post which is a bigger roller coaster ride than the previous post.The trip to Hoshangabad,70 kilometers from Bhopal,was the most memorable trip after Mood Indigo 2007.. But this time the number of surprises and shocks were much greater than Mood Indigo 2008,the biggest shock being that we didnt even know we were going in the first place. A few of our college guys were going to play the state level basketball open tournament.I had information about this for quite some time.Now a few hours before the trip,one of the players called me up and told me that even girls are allowed to form a team and play,as it was an open tournament.I was absolutely clueless about anything that he was talking. Firstly ,we didnt have a proper team..or atleast never had coordinated with the top five players ever before.Secondly,we didnt have a proper sporting kit to wear.And thirdly ,the whole thing was really at short notice.Imaging calling up your classmate one night telling her to be ready by morning 6 to leave for a place to play a match at such a great level without preparation. God knows what was in my mind that time that i told him ill inform about the latest decision in some time.I called off emergency and asked the girls to get collected in one of the rooms. I told them about this thing.And to my surprise,they were more than happy to hear that an opportunity like that had knocked our doors.We finally agreed ,packed our bags,had insomnia that night,and finally got prepared to leave for Hoshangabad. Now we reached the station at 9. Train fortunately was late by half an hour. So the guys bought tickets for us,and they were general tickets.But according to them,it was advisable to sit in sleeper as general seats were over crowded. We sat in the sleeper class,not long enough to be encountered by the ticket checker.He fined us with a 4000 bucks..We pleaded (i mean the guys) and i tried using my charms.But all in vain.Finally he agreed for a 1000 bucks and we paid him. We reached there at about 11.30 pm.The place was pretty much like a village,but it felt good taking a girls team from MANIT,Bhopal,where normally girls constitute only 10% of the population . Our first day was ok.We saw the fixtures and realized we didn't have any match that day,and was going to happen only the next day. I and a junior decided to return back,she because she didnt have permission to stay back at night,and me because there was a cross country race in my college i wanted to participate in. We didn't get a train,so sat in a bus filled with umpteen people. Squeezed between them ,i came back only to see that the race was postponed to the next day.Anyway i returned the next morning,had a match,lost terribly,but won the second match that evening. But you see,when you get something good,always be prepared for a package.There's nothing like a free lunch. There was a set of cheap crowd to create disturbances and all.We however dodged against them and returned safely to our lodge. Next morning we won the third match ,which put us into the finals.

That same evening ,we guys went to the banks of Narmada river,which was the most ultimate fun ever.There was something soo peaceful and serene about the waves,inspite of the dynamic flow and we guys madly splashing water at each other. We all got wet in our basketball clothes ,and,inspite of the water being freezing cold,no one had the heart to get out of the water. The third day again was interesting,it was the final match between MANIT,Bhopal and girls of Ujjain. We unfortunately lost,but i must admit,the first half was a really tough competition.We also got a trophy and a cheque of 2000 rupees. Entirely was worth it. We had a huge photo session,but had to go back because of the anti social elements i was talking about. We went to the station,only to see that there was excess crowd and we wouldnt be able to get it.We had this hugeeeee argument about whether to go or to stay back,and the result of the fight was that half of us stayed back .Next morning we hired a jeep .That was the most awesome journey we could have.We kept chatting all along.. I am really thankful to the boys team who were with us,and helped us totally throughout the journey,inspite of soo many complication.This was the first time i didnt want to come back and curl up on my bed after returning. I was rejuvenated. Truly.

An irritating truth!!!

Do you know that all are good at something..and have some talent in you??Its sad..that all of us,including me have almost wasted,or are on the verge of wasting our talents in the next few years.. Do you know why?
PROCRASTINATION...Lack of initiative...Lack of getting yourself off your beds. .Lack of the EUREKA moment in our lives.

The only reason why BPO companies use Indians as cheap robots is because we cannot think wider than the narrow horizons that have been created for us.Right since when i was a child and used to go to school...the society (not my home ,fortunately) used to say.."Acchi tarah padhaaii karna..Badi ho kar ingineeer ,doctor banna....MBA karna..Khoob paisa kamana"

Ok ..now the scrutiny in these sentences..
a)Seems like "Ingineer" and "Doctor" is the ultimate aim of life.Anyone doing anything else is someone who doesn't value studies.
b)It seems like everyone wants to study for money...Something like passion for your job has never been the first priority.

Why is it that we can never use our talents and just choose from the above three professions?I mean there are people who are truly meant to be engineers and doctors or managers?Why not leave it to them to decide?And isnt it an awfully big coincidence that all of us have the aptitude of becoming engineers and then managers?Isnt it ironic that half of us would have practically never "MANAGED" even a small event in our society,college or school?

I agree these it seems easy to get a job after being engineers and doctors and MBA students..
But looking at the present scenario,investment banking having razed to the ground,IT companies getting trapped in frauds and leaving around 50000 employees and their jobs in total jeopardy..

I think its time for all of us to give a hard knock on our brain doors and ask what we are truly meant to be doing?In a way the recession and total collapse of investment banking has given MBA students and engineers some break from the hoo-laa-hoo of getting job over job,and finally can sit back and wonder what they are meant to do?And do it only if they are meant to do..Its time we open our eyes and stop procrastinating and analyse ourselves,before it gets too late ..and we get succumbed in the robotic jobs foreign banks and firms have in store for us..