How time flies !

 It is 2nd July 2025. Five days short of my 38th birthday. And I happened to stumble upon this blog. I read how the younger me used to think. Unabashed, transparent, bold.

That younger me sounded like a real force to reckon with. 

Who am I now? I'm sure I am a lot of those too, but I think I am more gentle now, kinder, way more diplomatic with people. 

I have another blog priyavaruneshkumar.wordpress.com where I blog occasionally. But I found it very interesting seeing multiple versions of me. So I am thinking, I might blog for a while and see whether this habit sticks to me. And if it sticks then great. If not, that's fine too.

See you very soon on this blog!

Moved To Another Blog

Hi Everyone,

I have moved my blog to http://priyavaruneshkumar.wordpress.com . See you there folks !!!

Follow me there for more updates!!!

Love,
Priya

Why Being A Woman And Travelling Alone Is So Much Fun

Every woman must do this at least once in her lifetime. Trust me, you will feel like the queen of the world. And you do not need to feel scared of being alone and in danger. Travelling alone will make you tougher. Also because having someone need not guarantee not getting into danger too.

I travel alone. A lot. I started travelling alone immediately after 12th standard. That way I'm extremely lucky to have a family that has taught me to be independent at an early age. I love the fact that they do not panic whenever they know I am travelling alone, and now after so many years it is very routine for them.

My favourite part of travelling alone is sitting and sipping coffee while you wait for the flight. That way even bus and train journeys alone are super fun, but you will find more silence before a flight journey.

I love journeys alone most because I get time to think of what I want to do. I tend to get into the urgent instead of the important most of the time. And by the time I reach the important, it becomes too late.

I just got myself a cup of coffee and Goodhousekeeping magazine from Mumbai airport. I luckily got transferred to a direct flight from Mumbai to Bangalore, instead of the Chennai halt. I shamelessly also stretched in the seating area of the flight. It's about 2.00am and Mumbai airport looks just so alive.

I always carry my earphones. Always. If there is no music, the trip is not the same. I had come here for a performance with Daksha Sheth Dance Company and had to get back as early as possible so that I could reach for a school project.

So I met this lovely cab guy who dropped me to the airport, and we had the most fun conversation (dont worry, I'm safe and always armed with pepper sprays and Swiss knives) . He was telling me the state of affairs of Bihar, where he came from. His perspective on the government was very interesting, because all the opinions that we tend to hear is from our circle of friends.

I like nights like this. My boarding call is here and I'll have to run. I'll continue my monologue in the next post.

Sleep tight :)




I am planning a couple of photoshoot ideas when I go home for my vacation. Do you have ideas that you can help me with? If you have ever met me, or seen me, you might have ideas as to what style I might be able to pull off. Because honestly I myself don't know. I have been sporting the I-don't-care-if-i-look-weird style these days. But want to get out of it soon.

7am to 10pm Love. Philosophy. Updates About Life.

I would not be exaggerating if I say I have been working for about 14 hours a day, which includes at least five to seven hours of dancing and easily two hours of travel. Its funny though because I do not mind it one bit. In fact I absolutely love it. You might think it is because I am a workaholic, but the reality is because I feel good about the fact that I have enough work on my platter.

Being a freelancer, having busy days definitely gives you the greatest high possible. I started dancing professionally when I was almost 24. So essentially, I still have just about three years experience. I always do things in a hurry, talk in a hurry, work in a hurry. I think it has something to do with the fact that my clock is ticking faster. I have lesser time to achieve what a 16 year old dancer can.

I just decided to share my thoughts with you.

I like blogging because it is like talking to someone who wants to listen to me.
I like talking. A lot.
I can talk for hours together without getting bored. From fashion to wellness to telling them how much I love my cat and my dog. To how much I love dancing. And food. And everything.

I am famous for passing out in the living room each night, even if we have a house party. And then waking up early in the morning just so that I can wake others up and talk to them.

I am loving the thought of next week. I am traveling to Mumbai on Monday and performing for the prestigious Daksha Sheth Dance Company. And I cannot express how much I am in awe of Daksha Didi's choreography.

Our team from Piah Dance Company is then leaving for Salem on Tuesday for a performance, and I am finally leaving for Gujarat to take a vacation with my family. I do not know how much sleep I will get. But you know what, I shall pass out whenever I can and get my dosage of sleep anyway.

In between all this, our company is doing a choreography for a school . I love kids just because they have no ego in them. If they like someone they say it. Simple. No ego comes to play even a little bit. 

So these I am working on believing more in myself. Not that I do not believe. But just that I need to believe more than I currently do. Not that that has anything to do with whether I really can or not. But just to believe I can.

Have you ever had days where you really want someone to come and evaluate you, in the most rightful manner, because you are just not able to evaluate yourself right? That happens with me. A lot. And honestly, the sooner I believe that I only can evaluate myself best, the better. There will always be bias otherwise. Friends and family will say better-than-real things to you. People who can see faults in you will focus more on the faults. So essentially I need to grow up and understand I cannot be spoon fed anymore.

So I shall tell you a little secret. But you need to promise me you won't judge me.
Actually even if you do, I will still share it. 

I have a dream of writing a book. A happy book. I do not know how it will go. But it will just be happy. You will feel happy at the end of it. It will not preach, or ask you to do things a particular way. Nor will it be a self help book. It will just be a happy book.

I have always loved motivating someone who has been feeling low in their lives. Maybe because I have felt low quite a few times too. And that feeling sucked. So bad.

And yes, the person who wrote a mail to me regarding the same, I am sorry I wasn't able to get back to you sooner, but I soon will. And I will try and make you feel better hopefully.

Honestly, I do not know where this blog is going. Its like a outlet where I am just talking. Maybe I should stop now. Good luck with reading this entirely. And if you have reached the bottom of this page and are reading this exact sentence right now, then you are a really good listener. 

I really should stop now.
Be happy, because I know shit happens to all of us. So lets keep the shit aside for a while and enjoy the not-so-shitty part of life. 
Look at my cat and dog if you like pets. They are really cute. 

I Wish I Had A Magic Wand

I love talking to people. Listening to them when they are unhappy about something. When I need to rate myself out of happiness, I am pretty happy I would say. Of course I have days where I get frustrated and think I need to be at a place where I have still not reached. I set a lot of targets which are very, very high. And when I don't achieve it I do brood over it on a temporary basis.

But what makes me really happy despite those moments where I question myself is listening to others' problems.

I always wish I could listen to others and make them feel better when they don't feel too great about themselves. 

I wish there was a job titled "Happiness Consultant" where I could have a room and talk to anyone who didn't feel happy and make them happy.

Even now, I often think from time to time, if different companies had a Happiness Consultant, someone any employee could go talk to, how cool would that be. Because not every time someone is looking only for a solution, sometimes they are also looking to feel good about themselves.

I know this might sound weird, but if any of you feel low ever in life, and need someone to talk to, and vent out things you are not able to comprehend in your own head, you can write to me at priya.kumar.0707@gmail.com. I will try my best to make you happy. 

Getting out of the "Almost"

Either you have it or you don't. And there is a definite chance you have it. But you are not willing to have the confidence to know that you have it. The human mind is such a powerful machine. It can change things. It can change one's outlook towards life. The tough part is to know you have it in you. 

Really KNOW it.

I am almost a good dancer, almost fit, almost a creative person, almost a good director for my company. 

But haven't got out of the almost yet. Well it is probably the right time you get out of the almost. 

NOW!!!

No time is too late to get out of this almost zone. The problem with being an almost is that you will "almost" put your best effort in doing anything. And an effort which is almost there will not reap the benefits that you need to get out of the almost zone.

Being in the almost is like not being sure about whether you like a girl. 

Either you like her or you don't like her. You can never "almost" like her. You just can't. Even you are thinking about someone, it is because you like her. Even if you try you can never "almost" like someone.

I am 26, I spent the last 25 years trying to discover the things I wanted, and I'm still trying to make a mark in the world. I had a major career switch in 2011, and for an ordinary person that might be a little too late, considering I was 23, had graduated with a degree that will have nothing to do with my new career. I just couldn't have "almost" switched my career. I had to choose one side. There was just no other option.

There are so many times when I sit in my balcony with a nice cup of chai and sincerely dream of all the things I want to do in life. Honestly I haven't even analyzed whether I am good enough to be able to get all those things.

But honestly, I don't care if I'm not good enough. I still want all those things.

The path to getting out of the almost is one of the most difficult. And weirdly, it is not even the amount of hard work required to get there. It is convincing your mind to believing that you can be where you want to be. I find that extremely difficult.

Start with small things.

I had been planning to apply for the Charles Wallace Scholarship for art in the UK. I had thought about it in 2012 as well as 2013. But every time I would think of creating my profile, I would always think "Let me get a little thinner", "A little fitter", "Let my hair grow just a couple of inches longer". Lamest reasons now that I'm writing it out, but this is what happened. 

Truth of it is, I didn't believe that I would get it, and the fear of being rejected did not give me motivation enough to create my profile and send it. 

Another example :

I have been thinking of working in print advertisement for quite sometime as a side thing. Nothing major, but it seems to be giving me one thrill of traveling for a day, acting for something minor (considering I sincerely question my acting capabilities for longer roles). My problem is that I haven't got myself to get up and go approach an advertising agency or create a bio for it yet. When I look at myself, I am always thinking, let me get a little thinner, a little fitter, let that particular acne mark subside.

As humans the biggest thing that we fear is the Fear of Rejection. 

We hate to be dumped, we hate to be fired from a company, even if the company did not make us happy.

Its funny though that I have got the best things in life only after I have been rejected. I think rejection is the most powerful mechanism. It gives you a kind of drive no other emotion will give.

The feeling that because you have already hit rock bottom, and know what rock bottom feels like, now it is time to get up.

Another thing we humans worry so much about is the Fear Of Unknown. 

There is a simple solution for it. How will you ever know what something feels like till you don't actually experience it? There is the risk of it failing, but the hope that it will be a big success. And imagine just how awesome you will feel once it is done. 

Lastly we are all paranoid about What Others Think of Us.

This is something everyone should stop, because what people think of us has never got us what we wanted in our lives. So their opinions should mean nothing whatsoever.

Trust me, the time is passing by. The clock is not stopping for anyone. And everyone has the same time. Its how much we make a difference in that time that makes all the difference. 

So get up now, forget about everything else.

Remember all you need to do is get out of the 'almost'. Everything else will follow.

Love, 

P

Like looking at the blank ceiling!!!

Has that feeling ever happened to you? Where you lie down on the bed and look at the ceiling wondering what the hell you are supposed to do next? Where is life going?
That happens to me quite often from time to time. I tend to plan a lot and sometimes when things do not go according to my plan then it takes me a while to figure out a backup.
Recently I had a Japan trip that for cancelled because some issuing of my visa. I was honestly upset a little, but more than that I became very blank about what I had to do in those days where Japan was supposed to happen.

I have had the craziest journey since I came to Bangalore. I joined my first company, met the nicest people there. Then I also decided to quit my job and start working as a freelancer, more than that a dancer.

Now being a woman AND a dancer in India is quite a challenge to be honest. First of all they are not looked as having a "good" career . Now because i live in Bangalore, I live in quite a bubble. But when i met a friend's relative who thought I was not a "good" girl because I danced, thats when I realised that it is actually majority in the country that contain the similar thought. I had another added baggage of being an engineer (which I absolutely do not regret, because I can use technology so much better and can use it in dance) , but a large section of people thought otherwise.

For example, I have had colleagues of the same company exactly sit and calculate how much I earn per month and whether it is more or less compared to what I earned in the company. I have had people say stuff like "it's ok you are a woman, you ll have a husband someday and then you can keep pursuing your hobby". I am quite a feminist that way, so when it comes to finances, I would never want to depend solely on a man to get my living going.

I don't really get the concept of a "good" girl. So if you don't have a boyfriend are you a "good" girl ? If you only clad a Salvar-Kameez are you a "good" girl? If you are married and still have a girls evening out are you a bad girl ? I am sure I am the epitome of a "bad" girl according to a large society in this country. And honestly it doesn't even bother me how they judge me. All of us are judgemental of things, and someone judging you the way you are will not change who you really are. So why break your head in trying to convince them otherwise.

Personally I get offended when people call my dancing a hobby. I earn my bread and butter through it, I paid rent and food and living expenses through this "hobby" of mine. I managed pretty well without borrowing anything from my house, except for maybe first two months expenses.

Anyway, so I find it so easy for so many people around me to judge me as being something or not being something I should be. Honestly , it ends up working in weird ways because I am with a rebel inside. And the moment someone asks me not to do something, it makes me want to do it all the more.

Work wise, things have been going on pretty well on the creative front. Jitters always will be there, considering I have stopped taking classes all together ad I'm just working on my first contemporary folk production called 'Bandhani'. I have big dreams and aspirations for Bandhani to go big. It is one idea where I don't care if I'm not the biggest dance company in Bangalore, nor do I have all the most expert dancers, but I have a brilliant team. And we work wonderfully as a team , and I love them just so much.

But yeah. Working for a big project requires you to sacrifice little things here and there. And then there can be times in your life where you would not know whether you are right thing, but you ll always have to keep hoping you are and keep going on.

One thing I learnt in life is to be persistent. I might not be the best dancer right now, but no way am I going to become the best if I don't stay persistent towards it.

It's such an irony that right now I feel so blank BECAUSE my kind is just flooded with so many rings I want to do. I a 26 right now and assume I live for another 74 years, I feel even 74  years will become so less for me considering I keep adding on new dreams and aspirations.



This is an ode to keep everyone s spirits alive, and make them live. 100 years so that they get time to finish everything they wanted in life!!!

How narcissistic should one be?

The story behind a narcissist is that according Greek Mythology there was a guy named Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his relationship, he just waited by the pool of water forever and finally converted into a flower. 

It is a well known fact that everyone (excluding the very few exceptions) is trying to promote themselves on the internet, social networking sites and also when they meet people/friends/potential business opportunities. My understanding is that everyone can talk big about themselves only when they have an extremely high opinion of themselves / their work. Otherwise it would be very difficult to just blabber about their work or themselves without genuinely feeling good about themselves. And also that they should get into acting if they can really do that.

This then makes me wonder as to how much narcissism is actually good for your work/career. 

Say there are two people, one of them is an extremely talented piano player, but is extremely humble and never blows his own trumpet (no pun intended) but the other one is not as talented, but definitely not a bad piano player, but who keeps talking about himself and announcing his achievements all the time. 
From my experience, it looks like the person who talked about himself for a greater amount of time gets more music concerts than the one who is extremely talented but humble.

I wonder then, if that is actually true, as to why we stress so much on teaching kids about being humble and vanity is profanity. Is it actually profanity? Or is that narcissism that gets you forward in your career?

On the other hand, I have noticed that the people who are nice and down to earth are known to be better at working in a collaboration and get more work from the same client. That seems to me like the humble person might have more work from the same client (which may not be such a bad thing).

I have two simple questions in mind:

1)Does being humble mean you have an inferiority complex?Or does that mean you'll be able to grow as a more talented person given that you are open to criticism and self improvement?

2)Does being vain and narcissistic mean you'll go more forward in your career? Or will that hamper you as a frog living in a well?

I honestly used to be quite a vain person as a teenager. I used to think I am the smartest person on Earth. All that narcissism was brought down when I started meeting so many people and reading about so many people. Now I am on the side where I will promote my dance company, but not promote myself as much. Maybe that is a bad thing,I don't know?

What do you think? What gets you going in your career? Be it a corporate office, where you'll find many talkers who seem to know all ? Or are you into arts, and you are wondering whether you be like the guy who brags about himself all the time, or be the good guy who everyone likes?


Please share your thoughts. 

Your thoughts might be a life saver for a lot of people and their jobs, and also, to me. 

Do what makes you nothing but happy.

What is the point of doing anything otherwise? The primary reason why we as kids were asked to study, sleep early , eat food on time, play well, be a good child at school, grow up and go to a good college, get a reputed job , earn well was so that we could be happy. Everything that was asked from us as kids or even after we grew up by our parents was so that we could be happy. Why then would anyone do something that doesn't make us happy?

Think about it, I decided to succumb to something that didn't make me happy because I was scared not doing that MIGHT make me even more unhappy. The fear of greater unhappiness made us stick to the current status of dissatisfaction. You stay doing the same thing for the next thirty years. Assume you are 20 something, after 30 years you become 50 something. Salt and pepper hair, loose skin, wrinkles, all the glamour beginning to fade away. And then you think? Why did I do that particular thing that didn't make me happy?

I am a non drinker, non smoker. I have a lot of close friends who drink and smoke which is absolutely fine with me. I love them dearly and the smoking, drinking has nothing to do with my judgement of them. But there have been times in the past where I have been at parties with people I didn't know too well and always ended up being an outcast by being the only one who didn't drink and smoke. Smoking is fine as normally no one normally forces you to smoke. But not wanting to drink is quite a social stigma and people have come and told me I am like a 40 year old wanting to go to bed early without drinking (which I probably just might be). I have wished to succumb to that situation a few times, and honestly I have even decided to have a small glass of drink or something. I wake up the next day feeling totally groggy, my dance class mostly would have got missed as I would have got up late. And I feel like an entire day is about to get wasted.

Now, I am not oppose to the concept of drinking. I feel very happy for the people who get very happy drinking. It feels like a nice solution for the people who have drinking suit them. But it unfortunately does not suit my body. Why then, I wonder , should I succumb to something which ends up not making me feel happy?


This is an extremely trivial example of what I am talking about. But hope you get my point. Anything big or small that doesn't make us happy but we still do it, I don't know why. Like we get angry at someone who has been irritating us, and we end up feeling irritable long after the person has left. And then we are grumpy with ourselves, with our loved ones, with friends and family. What was the point then of feeling grumpy?

Life would be so much simpler if we just decide at every moment whether to do something or not to do something depending on whether it makes you happy. Now there are situations where doing something doesn't make you really happy but doesn't make you sad either. But say, it makes your spouse happy. Should you go ahead and do it? I say totally . Because seeing your spouse happy will make you feel happier (assuming it will) . Again comes around to doing what makes you happy. Even if the thing that makes you happy is seeing your loved one happy.

I can't sleep

I am back from my vacation. Its time to start work. I feel extremely jittery. The constant reminder that as each day passes my time to fulfill all my dreams is becoming lesser and lesser. I know that is a classic sign of impatience.

When I was in Andamans, I planned a lot of things to do, so many plans for Piah Dance Studio, and more than so many plans for myself as a dancer.

So when I got back three days back, one day went off in setting the house and being groggy all day as our multiple flights and never ending waiting time made us completely left without energy.

Now, two days later.. I made a list of all the plans and I'm suddenly feeling that I need to race at a faster speed. Thing is, whenever I finish one goal, there is a list of ten more goals added by then. Time just feels so less.

I'm not able to sleep because I'm already calculating how much more time for my arangetram, how much more time to get into national and even international performances (Yes, I hope to be really good one day, even if I'm not even half as good), then by how much time to get a plot and start an academy, how much more time amidst all this to try to work for TV Ads (yeah, that has been my new fantasy to work in advertisements), how much more time in between all this to be able to do a course in contemporary dancing abroad. Then at the same time reach a stage where I earn enough to do something big for the dogs, when is it that I'll get a chance to make a music video(or when is it that Ill get up and make one).

There are just these endless dreams to fulfill and I have this weird feeling that I need to stay awake to plan all of them, which is so not true, but the mind does not understand yet.

Today I woke up in my head.. I was talking to my dance teacher and told her I had wanted to buy her a saree. Thing is I got overly emotional when she came to my wedding and I burst out in tears. I had been wanting to buy her a gift for quite some time now. She said, "Please dont buy me any sarees. Good dancing is enough for me"... Now more than ever I need to do good dancing. Not just for my dreams. For her.

Valuable lessons to learn

A few really valuable lessons I learnt in the past few months. This might help a lot of other dancers, or even other freelancers. Some lessons which should be followed like a holy book. And always better to learn from other's mistakes.

1. It is absolutely easy to get lost in other's dreams and fulfill them and make your dreams come to a backseat. I realized that and decided to get back on track asap.
Quick Tip : Always, and I mean always plan your month ahead of time. Have you set deadlines for your own project? Stick to it. Let nothing come in the way, even if someone portrays it to be a big deal. Trust me , NOTHING can be a bigger deal than your dreams.

2. If you spend all your time building others' dreams, you have no time left to build yours.

I am going to be very self critical about the next one.

3. Understanding the finer nuances of dancing. Get critics to watch your dance and ask them what they did not like about the piece rather than what they did. I have a few friends who are not dancers, and their opinion completely counts. One friend, lets name him X for now. So X's opinion on one contemporary dance piece we had performed was this. "So it was all pretty and all, but honestly the story looked so made up. It looked like the compere needed to explain some story for people to understand, but the piece was only a set of 25 pretty looking contemporary steps but didn't really explain to me the theme explained initially". That friend doesn't know dancing one bit. But when he comes with me for Bharatanatyam, he understands each item even though he doesn't know mudras or anything. He is one of my closest people in the world. So I know it was all genuine. Its such an insight for me to learn. There is no point I live in the glory of my performance and not understand the bad points. Such an insight. Now I'll look at every contemporary dance and think whether it is just a set of pretty looking steps and some random story cooked up in the beginning to make it look like a lot is happening. Thanks X for giving me that insight. Never realized that before. I have seen a few contemporary dance pieces, and now I realized all of them have the same problem. The story is never in accordance to the dance.

4. Say No at the right time.


5.NEVER treat the people you work with badly. You need people more than anything to make any event successful. Even to do a solo performance, you'll need lights and other things to be done by someone else. If they work for you, treat them


6. Stop listening to bulls**t from others.
So the problem in the dancing industry is that each person is busy glorifying themselves at all time. "I know all items of Bharatanatyam very well", "I am an awesome dancer ", "I have a 'Diploma' ". And they find me the right catch to come and brag about themselves. Because they know I would listen to it without bragging about myself in return. Because of this flaw in me, I have seen so much bulls**t from really amateur dancers around that my tolerance to othersself-bragging and self-praising is bare minimum. I never claim I am fabulous. I still say I have a long way to go. And I know I do. But I wonder how some people find a confidence to claim they are so awesome and when I see them, there is this voice inside that tells me "I saw this one speaking too much, but not doing as much".

7. Every person will want you to work for them like as if they are giving you a big opportunity in life. I have never fallen for that trick. For me its a simple business deal. If they give me something, even I am giving them something. Its never a favor anyone has done.

One has to be quite a tough nut to crack when you are a freelancer. But you slowly learn what is right and what is wrong.

10 Things Every Girl Should Do

This is an extended version of this article I read in the June issue of India Today Woman Edition.

(Note that some points are taken from the India Today Woman Edition directly)

While writing these points, I was vividly reminded of the movie, ZombieLand.

1. Build your Brand

Use social media to share your thoughts, get social. Get to know people from different circles, the wider variety in your social circle, the more versatile your personality is.

2. Lift Weights

It will make you feel strong. Also, lifting weights is known to delay the onset of osteoporosis (a bone degenerating disorder that starts hitting women after 40), So keep yourself strong, your bones young.

3. Train for a Physical Test

Have you never been filled with admiration for all these sportswomen we see on TV? Or women who tested their true will power and lost so much of that extra weight that they came on the Flab to Fab article in some magazine? Plan out a test which tests your will power to the maximum limit. Like the next half marathon comes your way, train for it and take part. Or if you want to attain greater flexibility, train to attain a full split. Who says one can't achieve strength or flexibility if one wants to? Trust me, you are never old for anything. 

4. Upgrade your Look

Works for all women. Even those who claim that they don't believe in external looks. After all, a woman is a woman. And every woman loves to look beautiful. Try out a different look some day to work. Or get a new hair cut. You'll love the attention you get from your friends. Good looks is not everything I must say, but it definitely is one of those little things that enhances your mood on days when everything else seems blue.

5. Eat your Multivitamins

I had been going on and off about this one for quite some time now. But considering our current lifestyle, taking an extra pill a day won't do any harm to the liver. Especially for women, very very important to take calcium supplements. I'm going to be 25, and I'm a dancer, and I admit I have been getting the feeling of not having the strongest knees lately. Which is why I started taking calcium supplements and my knees feel much better actually. Try it out. But remember to consult a physician before taking tablets of any brand. 

6. Take Pictures

I don't know whether it works for everyone, but it is usually very important for me to take pictures of events happening from time to time so that I have a collection of photos and reminiscence from time to time.

7. Do your Cardio

This is taken from the movie Zombieland and is a definite hit. There is nothing like cardio which can get you fitter, faster. Considering we gain weight quickest on our hips, thighs and belly, nothing can work like a greater magic than cardio. So go ahead , buy a pair of running shoes, and run

8. Pepper Spray - Your Hand Bag Must-Have

Always, always keep a pepper spray in your hand bag. I was gifted one last year by my roommates, and I admit I have been careless to keep it in my bag most times. But realized I need to start keeping it with me at all times.You get it in major beauty and wellness stores for Rs.499/-. You really might not use it at all, but do you really want to take chances? 

9. Have a Hobby

I don't believe when people say they don't have a hobby. I mean, anything can be a hobby.  Find one. Follow it. Like there was a time when I was making crochet caps as a hobby. I was very young then. Its not at all difficult to find a hobby. Could be anything from collecting recipes, blogging, taking pictures, posing in pictures, finding an art to learn, a new language, decorating your house, trying out new hairstyles. Anything. Its good to disconnect once in a while. I wish to learn atleast one language of the South. Maybe Telugu. I am really struggling to understand meanings of songs during my Bharatanatyam class and knowing a few South Indian languages might help. (Only problem being that my linguistic skills are horrible, zero knack for languages)

10. Eat your Breakfast - Every Single Day 

I can't get enough of how important it is to eat breakfast everyday. I have had days where due to an early morning class I have not got time to eat anything and then after rushing to the class, my legs have shivered throughout. What is the point then of rushing to finish tasks if you are not eating well? After all any activity you want to do requires nutrition, be it mental or physical. Trust me, by experience I'm telling you, the body goes for a toss without breakfast. And that starved feeling is the most irritating feeling you can experience. So go ahead, eat to your heart's fullest.

Dreams in line

I feel its been so long since I penned down what I want in life. All those crazy dreams that I've always wanted to fulfill. I have this theory that if you write/ type down all the things you want in life then you can actually focus on making them true. I admit I was in this phase where I really got very detached with any kind of social networking. I had been in this zone where if I would write anything about myself I would feel conceited or narcissistic. But then I thought who cares, I just want to share. Not brag.

So here I am. Wanting to be completely honest to myself. And to you.

So its been a year since I have been totally into dancing. I left my hefty paying corporate job (or atleast what would have paid me hefty amounts had I been stuck long enough) and decided to dance. It was totally a decision from my heart. Nothing planned. Nothing thought over. The pressure of having done engineering from a reasonably prestigious college and giving it all up did not hit me even once. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. It just felt right to dance at that time. I don't know whether I'll still continue to earn through dance my entire life. But I wish I could. Knowing that earning through art is quite like a gamble. If you are good, you earn so much more than you would have ever earned being a corporate, otherwise you might just be struggling.  But I know for a fact that I will dance. For the pure joy of it.

My journey in the past one year has been such a roller coaster ride. I have done so many random things I could have never imagined myself to do. And I admit it has been a struggle. I still remember when I quit in March, 2011, I took a break for a month because of participating in this TV dance show called Just Dance. After I returned, I started taking classes in a gated community and took a job of a part time tutor in a school. My work hours were essentially about five hours per week. And I was getting exactly 12,000/- per month for two months. That has been my peak in struggling. I had although decided I won't borrow money from parents just because I wanted to feel the struggle and make it on my own. My rent, electricity, transport and dance tuition fees costed me about 7k. I managed two whole months in 5k per month. Trust me, its not at all easy. And once I had gone past those two months and grew more in terms of earnings, I could not have been more proud of myself. Its the struggle that I remember most, even now. I have had corporates come and ask me how much I earn now, trying to compare the ROI as compared to the corporate job that I had.  I refuse to answer such unethical questions because if you can see me alive and healthy, I think that should answer everybody's question.

Coming back to dancing, I don't know how good or bad I am yet. I honestly never evaluate myself. Truly because I like to live in the zone where I feel I am still not good enough. The feeling that I have a long, long way to go really pushes me to keep dancing. Like in my dance class, I have absolutely no inhibitions to revise with the little kids who are practicing the basics and repeating it over and over again. My motto is that if I am in a class, let me get all types of knowledge that I can from it.


Anyway, at least knowing that I am better than what I was a year back is the greatest motivation right now.
I have many dreams actually. Things I have always imagined to fulfill.

a) I want to start my own dance troupe and perform. A lot. I don't know whether I'll form a troupe in Bangalore or after going to the US, but someday I will. And I plan to make it a very folk-contemporary theme. I want to use up all the experiences I have had as a folk dancer and blend it to make folksy pieces. I have always believed that folk can make a dance really vibrant and colorful and I love color.

b) I want to own a studio. Running around for space and to take classes has been so much madness that I know for sure that I'll want to own a studio sometime in life just so that I can have my own space. I think its worth the risk of investing.

c) This one is one of my crazy teenager's dream wish. I have always wanted to make a dance video and perform in it. You know the Ganesh Hedge style. Just hoping to do it someday. I don't mind pitching in money to get musicians and the set ready. I just want to do it for myself. For the thrill of it. It might even become a disaster and become a "Friday" type video. But... Naah, I don't think it will be that big a disaster.

d) I want to get really really flexible. I have been a avid follower of yoga since I was in the 8th standard. I remember my mom would always watch me do yoga. Apparently when I was two years old, I started climbing on a Jhula and was doing weird stunts. And thats when my mom predicted that I would become the Nadia Comaneci, the gymnast who got a perfect 10 in the 1976 Olympics. Sadly, that didn't really happen, but my love for flexibility always continued. So yeah, I still practice yoga and stretch. But wish to take that to the next level.

e) I want to finish my Arangetram. I think wanting to do my Arangetram would have always been there in all of my dream lists in the past five years of blogging. I can't really tell how good or bad I am at Bharatanatyam,  but I'm working towards it is all I can say.

f) I want to expand idea and make it into an annual event for performers and all. Long way to go, but who says one can't dream.

Some of my crazier, but less urgent dreams (call them fantasy) are

g) Get a tattoo. This is also one of my to do lists for a long long time . I somehow cannot get the most perfect thing to be tattooed on me. I decided though that whatever I get, I'll get it done on the nape of my neck.

h) Get a bikini bod. I really want to do this before I get old. I want to go to a bikini permitted beach, wear a bikini and just walk. It just has to do with being liberated. I want to grow old thinking I walked on a beach with the perfect bikini bod when I was young. :P


Its a crazy feeling right now, but typing all this madness out is making me feel super awesome.

Oh I forgot to add, another of my dreams/wishes is to make my husband dance during our wedding. Yeah, more about that later.

Yeah, this feeling is super!!! Just to write down random things and feel awesome about it. :)

Unconditional Love

Nothing in this world can make me feel better as quickly as looking at a picture of her. Polly this is, Polly Kumar, a member of the Kumar Family. People in my family believe she has taken the Kumar Gene and has similar traits like all of us. Its been about four months since I have seen her. And I feel like going and playing with her right now.

You know she has been with me since my 7th Standard. Which is 1999. And I remember all the times where I used to feel low, or just cry because of some reason, and whenever I did, she would just come and rest her head on my lap, just as a gesture to show her empathy. Trust me, there cannot be anyone who can give unconditional love as much as she would. I talk to people in my house and when I ask about her, my mom always seems to tell me she is becoming more and more human each day. I know its true because I have seen her behave like a perfect lady even when I'm there back at home. She has the perfect nails and she would always cross her front paws and sit and bask in the balcony during winters.

The biggest thing I miss being in Bangalore is playing with her. Just being there with her is so much comfort. For some reason because I never yelled at her or was never strict with her, she would always be least scared of me. Like when I would have lunch, she would try to trouble me to feed her whatever I was eating. I remember the uncountable number of days when I would be upset and cry and talk to her. I always got the feeling she understands what I said. Its weird, but I really think she understood what I said. She always slept on the same bed as us, and would always whine early in the morning when she wanted to go do her job. She absolutely loved taking walks outside.So I would get up and somehow in my sleep take her for a walk. It was quite a task finding her leash because she would be tapping her paws out of excitement to go out of the house and urgency to get out and do her job.

So many little things about the cutest thing ever made. I wish Bangalore was an hour drive away from Gandhinagar. Where it would be the easiest thing to just be with her all the time.

The Advantages of Being a Freelancer

Being a freelancer comes with a lot of good and bad. The biggest advantage though is the freedom to take a vacation / break whenever you want to.

No offence to anyone working in a full time job, but when I was working full time, I always used to feel guilty of going and asking my manager for a leave if I wanted to go home, or take a weekend trip, or just take a break and sit at home for a day. Maybe I was not the smartest employee, and was always scared of asking for a leave or something. I was never just good at it. Of course, I took leaves almost whenever I needed it, but I had to think a lot before doing that. Plagued by guilt and fear that the other person would judge me as being a slacker, I would weigh the importance of the event and then decide if I should bunk work or not. Here the work schedule is slightly different.

No, you cannot bunk just like that even here. Because if you are a freelancer, you bunk one day, and you lose three students. But what you can do is plan your classes in a way where you can give off a holiday for a few days where you don't want to work. I usually take summer and winter vacations as a good opportunity to take a break. It actually does not even make too much sense taking classes because the class strength during this time would be half of what it normally is.

The only thing you have to plan in this whole holiday thing is where your money will come from. And if you can do that in advance, and also save up while the sun shines, you can pamper yourself to an amazing one week vacation... Guilt Free!!!

Summers are here

Loads of things to do. I got my car finally. Its a Nano CX and I'm very thankful to dad for gifting it to me :P

Anyway the Bangalore heat has gotten into my head and has begun to make my hormones so crazy that I'm feeling utterly cranky for the past few days. Also, you know how it is when sometimes everyone that you are close with are busy partying all week long and you don't get to see them at all, and when they finally meet you they are so exhausted because of all the partying and you end up getting annoyed at them? Ah I'm sure that has never happened to you. Well, it has to me. And then I realized that me getting angry is not that person's problem , its my problem. And I was probably annoyed because I had nothing better to do. Or rather, I had something better to do but I chose to while away all the time in brooding and wasted it.

So from now, as Barney says it, whenever I'm sad , I'll stop being sad and start being awesome instead.

So instead of getting upset over such little things, let me just divert my attention to doing fun things.

The list of things I want to do this summer:

a) Visit Nrityagram.

b) Start swimming (buy costume and accessories for that)

c) Blog more often.

d) Make more dance videos.

e) Attend dance shows in Bangalore.

Also, I found out the best therapy for women when they are upset or cranky. Just put on a pair of jeans and run to the nearest mall where you can do some window shopping. Also, to ensure you don't end up splurging just take some loose cash and keep your debit/credit card at home. So that you don't end up feeling guilty of the excessive spending.

Also, keep a bowl of cut watermelon or musk melon in your fridge every single day and also keep a bottle of water in the freezer for half an hour before drinking it.

Looks like this is going to be a crazy summer.

Happy Summers everyone!!!

God, not the Snooze again!!!

Remember a few days back I told you how New Year resolutions should start from January 2nd? Well, I take that back. Its been ten days and all I have done is slept. Seriously!!!

I'm otherwise not big on sleeping as such, and I'm truly surprised. I even started thinking I was sick or something. Looks like I'm not. I would pretty much blame the weather then. Bangalore is known for its brilliant weather all throughout the year. The hidden con of this is that it'll make you sleep all day long.

Especially for a person like me, who needs to be up by 6 to reach my dance class at Malleswaram from Marathalli, its always a risk because frequency of Volvo buses is every fifteen minutes and if I miss one, I would already be fifteen minutes late to class.

Speaking of buses, I feel its high time I learn Kannada. Not the language as such, but just some swear words to use at the super annoying bus conductors who would never return change. I always get away with getting a monthly pass but because of the laziness this month, I missed my chance of getting it on time.

One good thing Im doing is going to the Storm Festival happening at Coorg on the 20th and 21st of Jan,2012. Its going to be a car ride till there and OT is going to be the one driving. The storm festival is a two day camping/musical trip where a lot of bands from all across the country will come and perform. There will be tents on a sharing basis for the overnight stay.

The early bird prices were Rs.2700/- for two days including the cost for the tents (An extra refundable Rs.700 will be charged for the tents which will be returned at the end of the camp)

For more details check out http://stormfestivalindia.com/

The Cricket Moment

First of all, wishing everyone reading this a very happy 2012. Second of all, New Year for me starts on the 2nd of January, not the 1st. The entire 1st of Jan goes as a post recovery for crazy 31st. Very few people are lucky enough to chill out to such a great extent on the 31st that they are ready to be all charged up on 1st itself. I was one of the other set. We partied like crazy half the night, and the whole day just went in sleeping. I still feel sleepy as I write this post.

When all of us finished our party and got back home, we were all busy chit chatting till 4. I told my friends about 'The Cricket Moment' then. It was actually an invention by my mom. She believes that sounds explain the intensity of a situation faster and much better than describing it in words. Her talking is generally very animated.

Anyway, so 'The Cricket Moment' is the awkward silence during the middle of any conversation where the atmosphere suddenly becomes so silent, its almost like you can hear the crickets making sounds in the forests. (Crickets the insect I mean).

For Example:

You are shopping this New year. You bumped into a friend (Say Mr. Jojo Junior) who just got divorced recently .

Jojo Junior : Hey dude long time no see. How are you?

You : Hey, what a pleasant surprise . Where are you working these days?

Jojo Junior : I'm at Pune dude. You tell me what's new in your life.

You : (You really don't have any updates about work but still need to continue the conversation. Now you met him after a long time so forgot about his divorce) Nothing much dude. Just work going on. Mundane. How's everything else? How's your wife doing?

Jojo Junior : Oh about that, yeah, I got divorced two months back. We are now fighting for the custody of our son.

You : Oh dude, I'm sorry to hear that. (Super Awkward Silence out of embarrassment and not knowing what to say a.k.a 'The Cricket Moment')

So the next time you go through an embarrassing moment, take a moment of silence. I swear one can actually hear crickets making their regular sounds (Also because to make the situation even more awkward, I ACTUALLY make the cricket sounds from my mouth)

Cheers to all the awkward moments of 2012... 'The Cricket Moments'.

Also don't forget to check out

Inspired by Abhilasha, I decided to make an account on blogadda.com. She has been awarded as an upcoming newbie by blogadda.com. Do check out her blog.

Under Commit and Over Deliver

These two are going to be my motto for the year 2012.

1.Under Commit and Over Deliver.

This is something I really really want to work on. The infinite number of times that this has happened, I can't begin to explain.

I have the tendency to over commit everywhere. Be it work or friends, I end up over committing to such a huge extent and then I can't live up to it. At the end my friends are not happy, and because its work, I somehow manage to struggle and make it work. This leads to an imbalanced life. And why? All because I set unrealistic expectations for myself in the beginning of any project. So 2012, this is one aspect I need to try and work on.

2.No Harm Trying.

I was just discussing with Zubair the other day that there are so many things in life that we don't try even though the thought might have passed through our minds. Why? The dominating reason is generally that we give up. And we give up mostly because we feel we won't get anywhere with it. The feeling that we are not good enough always comes in the way of taking initiative. Like my friends who need to change their job but are scared of not being able to get any job. Like me, who wants to go for contemporary dance classes but am scared because I feel I might mess up my Bharatanatyam. The fact that I did not try it yet itself means that I am having pre conceived notions. The fact that I still did not get a nose piercing or a belly button piercing because I was too scared that it might not work out right. Some things are very little and random but we always stop ourselves from doing so. Riding emotion : Fear. So another motto for the year 2012 is going to be to just give things a try without thinking too much. If it feels right, it is right.

This month of December

You know this weird moment when you meet a friend after many years and all of a sudden you are in a loss of words? That happens with me whenever I take a sabbatical from blogging for a while. Even though I have so many things in my head all the time, when it comes to blogging after a long time, everything in the head seems in a mess. But let me go ahead and write anyway.

December is a very cozy month. I think its the worst month to work. I fortunately planned my work and took off a nice twelve day holiday and came to Ahmedabad. I think offices should just give a big, nice December vacation. The weather is always chilly, makes you want to wear socks in the house, sit on your bean bag and just drink a nice cup of Chai. And it feels even more awesome when your roommate comes with your blanket and puts in on you when you have fallen asleep on the bean bag.

December is all about reds and greens and whites and festivity.

December is all about Christmas and New Year Eve parties and planning for the New Year Eve Parties.

December is about looking pretty almost all the time. (I am a very winter fashion person. You ask me to wear one sundress and I'll be a mess. But if you ask me to dress up for winter, I use a lot of layers and create something nice)

December is about pretty scarves. Loads of them.

December is about boots. God, those boots I would die for.

December is about a lot of love. I have come to believe that November and December are the two best months for love. Just the whole winter feeling is very romantic.

December is about Plum Cakes and Wine.

December is about paper snowflakes stuck at every restaurant.

December is about the New Year Eve party. The happy dancing. The midnight kiss.

December is about being cozy and lazy and sleepy.

December is about sleeping at a very odd time during late afternoon and getting up when its dark. Even though its just some sevenish.

Who wants to work in the month of December now?

P. S : I was planning my New Year Eve dress. Looks something like this.

Have a great New Year Eve party Everyone!!!