Sunday, March 29, 2009

The feeling of feeling focussed.

It finally feels great to feel focussed.I seem to have got back on track,with a lot of enthusiasm. Thanks to someone special,who taught me how to get focussed about life and work. I finally know what I have to do after I pass college,and I know what to do before I finish college. The main thing to do is my Arengetram,havent given it up yet. Im hoping Im able to practise during the 7th of the 8th semester,and placement rat race doesnt deter me from doing so. And earlier I was thinking of doing my Arengetram in Gujarat.But now im thinking,why not do it in Bhopal itself?Will be more fun having all my college mates see my dance performance. 
Btw,the same someone taught me another thing.That one should sleep early,get up early,for complete efficiency. So from today onwards Ill sleep before 11,and get up by 6 everyday.

And ya,also that every hour of sleep before midnight constitutes to two hours of effective sleep.So the earlier you sleep,you can make up with six hours of sleep and feel totally fresh the next day.

So go on people,grab your early night's sleep.

Oh ya,almost forgot...the white puppy outside our hostel,who was named Elizabeth by me,got hurt badly on her leg.She was whining,i sat with her for sometime..then went to Mata MAndir to look for a vet,but couldnt find any because it was a Sunday,and it was already eight o clock. So ill be taking her to the doc tomorrow to get her plastered on her leg. I really wish she gets well soon so that she can begin chewing my jeans once again.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Im all happy today!!

Cant believe this unbelievable transformation from yesterday to today. I was all sad,depressed ,vulnerable, lonely till yesterday. I was crying over a lost friend,when i forgot that in return i had got someone in my life who made me forget all miseries. And of course to the rescue he came...And i was all happy and cheerful again. I was in a dilemma for a lot of mainly. I wasn't getting a sense of direction as to what i am supposed to do after emotional vulnerability of losing out on a friend. I am so happy today,because I tried my level best to get the friend back..and if i think i tried..i will also get something in return. Plus i finally gained focus on what i should study. And I'm finally relieved that I'm not standing in the middle of this crossroad,trying to wonder which direction i should go towards.And finally,i all set to start studying for the thing I feel Im supposed to be.And Im proud of the person who gave me this sense of direction..I love the restaurant Bake and Shake at 10 number. Lovely place,amazing music,nice ambience,refreshing coffee.

I am seriously happy today after crying for hours last night because of the lost friend ...and Ive realized one thing. In life ,

"Good things come with a big price..and better things come with a bigger price. "

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Change is constant! Frustrated Ramblings...

The year 2009 has been a year of a lot of change in my life.And as I always say..expect the unexpected. Too many things happened which has led me in a very different world than I normally was. And to be frank..Im not sure how good am I at adapting changes..

a)Internship at Microsoft,Hyderabad.Absolutely unexpected.Especially for a non technical person like me.Apparently they were looking for an intern who could fit into the post of a Product Manager.Not sure how i ended up fitting into it.

b)The formation of a full fledged basketball team girls of of MANIT,Bhopal.. we went to Hoshangabad to play an open state basketball championship and were runners up..i.e reached the finals..god only knows how that happened because we were so unprepared.Didn't have players decided at positions and at the same time,didnt even have a basketball kit...Anyway again the second element of surprise.

c)Sportomania 2009- MANIT inter college sports meet happening for the first time for girls. We won the finals basketball..Again a mystery how.. And seriously we hadn't even practiced ..

d)Lost out on two really close friends from my life because of huge misunderstandings and their disappointment over a decision I took in my life. I did not know ill have to pay such a heavy price for The ONE decision of my life.I still miss them too much,,and waiting for them to come back. Because they should understand that its one thing to take a decision and abide by it and another thing to lose out on friends and feel lonely,inspite of having so many people around. So 2009 made me realise Im a really cruel person who just knows to hurt people .

e)Took one major decision of my life of not being alone. And because I gained someone in my life,i ended up losing two. And this gaining wasn't expected.I was always against this policy ..but hypocrite that i am,i changed it.

f)Room got renovated and house looked really different. Not so big a change but listing things irrespective of their order of priority.

g)In this dilemma in the middle of this year what am i actually going to do in future..It seems so easy for people going for some coaching ,whether or not they are happy,because they atleast striving to work for something.What am i striving to work for?I have no idea.

h)Being scrutinized by some colleagues of my college and people judging me for decisions that i have taken in my life has been cornering me to a very huge extent.I normally am a very strong person but to some level...i get the feeling i can crack vulnerable i am right now.

i)I'm happy that the decision i have taken in my life has been treating me well.No complaints at all.Infact Im really happy for that one thing.The external effects of course is taking a toll on my strength and courage,but the decision itself has made me happy.

j)People scrutinizing my decision and suspecting it has again been freaking me out to a huge extent.Esp if it was my close friend. I really don't want them to come to me and tell me that they had warned me and i didn't listen if i regret my decision..which till now i obviously don't.

So basically tooo many changes happening in a person makes her blank about whatever is happening. She is strong about adapting to changes,but wants a few things never to change.Like losing out on friends..Because she really is waiting to get her two lost friends back to her life.Because she really really missed them the most right now. Will she get them back?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Movie Marathon

Isn't it strange that a non movie buff like me ended up watching two movies,back to one the theater?????
I know difficult to comprehend. It was more like chance than choice. We bought tickets for the morning show in Jyoti Cineplex as it was cheap.We entered...waited for the movie Delhi 6 to start,suddenly "Slumdog millionaire" started.I was really blank for a few minutes. And as i had seen the movie earlier,i knew that it was Slumdog right from the first scene.We actually started considering getting out of the theater,but we couldn't.We were embarrassed to tell our other friends about it,and were laughing our minds off at the foolishness on our part. We finally decided we will watch Slumdog fully and then go to a cheaper Cineplex to watch Delhi 6. Because in the end we didn't want to go back telling people we didn't watch the movie we went for,and came back without watching it at all.So this is how we watched Slumdog and then Delhi 6 immediately after that in a really cheap theater.


Slumdog was as good as ever. The hindi dubbing is a real mood killer though.Also check out Pussycat Dolls cover for Jai ho.Much better than Sukhvinder's version.His voice is really irritating.

Delhi 6:Music was fabulous.Title track is nice.So is Noor,Genda Phool. Story had no meaning in it.The "monkey man" fiasco that happened in Delhi once in 2001 was the only thing the story was based on.

Today is the 1st of March.New day of a new month.New beginning. And lately i realized i wasn't spending time for myself enough. Sometimes it happens that one ends up giving too much priority to others that I forgot my own existence.I was tied down in this solid web in trying to solve a lot of complexities in my life. But you know,they say,instead of trying to invent an anti gravity pen,why not look for a pencil to write in space?

I really have to start concentrating on myself rather than others.And spend time with myself more than others.This involves a)less phone talks,b)less eating outside food ,c)caring for yourself first.

I have to start studying as well.Right now scenario is really bad.Not studying,only eating junk food.MY skin all tanned after basketball an ruined after all the erratic food and sleep habits and eating outside food all the time.And i realized that i need a mental "stick" to bash me up whenever I get out of schedule,or do something which is not good for me. So today is the new day of a new month,and i decided to refresh my brain a little and think of what i am doing.And whether this is what i want for myself.So a whole new list of monthly and weekly resolutions getting entered in my notice board.Lets hope the mental "stick" is there to bash me before things get out of hands. And my previous post about control over yourself,i must say that no matter what happens in life,or no matter how vulnerable you get...never ever lose control over yourself.