Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I can't sleep

I am back from my vacation. Its time to start work. I feel extremely jittery. The constant reminder that as each day passes my time to fulfill all my dreams is becoming lesser and lesser. I know that is a classic sign of impatience.

When I was in Andamans, I planned a lot of things to do, so many plans for Piah Dance Studio, and more than so many plans for myself as a dancer.

So when I got back three days back, one day went off in setting the house and being groggy all day as our multiple flights and never ending waiting time made us completely left without energy.

Now, two days later.. I made a list of all the plans and I'm suddenly feeling that I need to race at a faster speed. Thing is, whenever I finish one goal, there is a list of ten more goals added by then. Time just feels so less.

I'm not able to sleep because I'm already calculating how much more time for my arangetram, how much more time to get into national and even international performances (Yes, I hope to be really good one day, even if I'm not even half as good), then by how much time to get a plot and start an academy, how much more time amidst all this to try to work for TV Ads (yeah, that has been my new fantasy to work in advertisements), how much more time in between all this to be able to do a course in contemporary dancing abroad. Then at the same time reach a stage where I earn enough to do something big for the dogs, when is it that I'll get a chance to make a music video(or when is it that Ill get up and make one).

There are just these endless dreams to fulfill and I have this weird feeling that I need to stay awake to plan all of them, which is so not true, but the mind does not understand yet.

Today I woke up in my head.. I was talking to my dance teacher and told her I had wanted to buy her a saree. Thing is I got overly emotional when she came to my wedding and I burst out in tears. I had been wanting to buy her a gift for quite some time now. She said, "Please dont buy me any sarees. Good dancing is enough for me"... Now more than ever I need to do good dancing. Not just for my dreams. For her.