I don't feel like giving this one a title

There are so many things in my mind right now. I am feeling utterly cluttered in the head. Today was such a mix of good and bad things that I don't know what to write. Its like a thousand voices inside at the same time that I feel like closing my ears and asking it all to stop. I had a good start today. I helped my roommate exercise today first thing in the morning. Made some good breakfast and sat to work. I just happened to realize then how much I have slacked off this week.

My visiting card is not done yet.

I need to get a dance photoshoot done asap.

I have to get my website www.piah.in functioning.

I need to make a poster regarding a dance aerobics class for ladies.

Anyway, my day started pretty well, and I took a dance session for the kids in the afternoon, something that totally got my mind off all the things. They invited me to play basketball with them after the class got over. I taught them how to take a lay up shots. We did that for sometime and then they taught me to play throw ball. Did you know I have never played throw ball in my entire life?

I had a good time with the kids. I really enjoy being with them .An

d you can always be sure that they'll say whatever is there in their mind. And will NEVER judge anybody.

I had a momentary lapse afterwards when I heard that an IIT-Madras student committed suicide because his project was withheld for six months. I felt more strongly towards it because I have close ones who have gone through the same and I can put it in writing that they were one of the smartest people in college.

The worst part being that students are generally not withheld becaus

e they did not fair well or did not complete their project properly. Many cases where the professor just does not "like" the student or has some personal issues with him/her is taken out during projects. There are students getting 80% above in all subjects but withheld in projects. Something does not fit, because to believe that IIT would set theoretical papers that any not-so-smart person will be able to crack it is not something a prestigious institute like that would do.

Basically, this news brought my mood down a little. But coping up with it by listening to the piano version of songs by Aakash Gandhi on youtube.com. It is like therapy for me nowadays.

This is a picture of me when I was doing yoga some days back in my apartment. I took it on self timer so couldn't set it to full length.

Anyway, my dance academy has a student who is doing her arangetram tomorrow. I'm planning to wear my green and white saree to the event. I also plan to take my diary and make an entire list of everything I see there, full preparations.

Happy 150 posts!

Happy 150 posts to my blog. I started writing on 22nd May, 2008 and I can't believe I was persistent for three entire years. Wow, seems like a really long time now. Anyway, an ode to the posts.

I have ten students now in my dance class, and they are the best therapy for me. Yesterday could not have been gloomier had it not have been for them. Right from the morning, I did not practice well for my Bharatanatyam class, and hence made many mistakes. Previous evening, I had almost got a child to teach an entire dance sequence for a programme, but the family backed out because they realised that the event was meant only for the employees, not their family. After my class, I got back, feeling really exhausted. I came back, made breakfast with semi boiled eggs and milk-oats topped with papayas and mangoes, and started making lunch immediately. As if nothing was bad enough, but the vegetable-mushroom-soya suggets curry I had put to cook got burnt from the bottom. I pretty much gave up and decided that the best thing to do in such a case is to sleep off. I slept for an hour, got up only to realize that it was an hour left for my workshop and I needed to have a bath. But as we are still on the things-not-going-according-to-the-plan scheme, there was no water in my apartment. I just washed my face and ran to the class. And from this point onwards, everything written above does not seem like anything bad at all. Infact right now, when I'm writing those things, I'm wondering whether its even required or should I erase those things. Anyway, I waited for the kids to come.

The kids came in by 4.00pm . the greates thing about kids is that when you ask them not to be late, and come by 3.55pm, they are always so excited that they'll come SHARP at 3.55pm. And the way they smile at you, it seriously gave me another perspective in life.

The perspective that there are so many bigger, better things in this world that we can get happiness out of. And those bigger things come from little gestures. Like a child feeling so happy dancing, and getting confused whether to call you Didi or Aunty. I let them call me anything. Some of them even call me Mam. I'm fine with anything actually.

I got back after teaching them some steps, got back , had a nice warm water shower, dressed up real nice, and went strolling with OT. One of the greatest therapies when you feel low is to get dressed, wear pretty clothes and feel gorgeous. Once you do that, it really makes you feel better about yourself.

I slipped on my purple sleeveless top, a scarf which is black and white and graphics of pink, and a pair of baggy style black trousers which I completely adore.

I've put samples of what it looks like. (Could not find the exact replica on the internet)

At the end of the day, I was happy. The only thing that was missing was my stomach crunches.

On the ending note, I am becoming much better in doing my full flip .

Fingers 'n' Feet

The summer workshop poster is out. Will blog about daily updates later.

I love Simpsons!

I love every character in that show. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa , Maggie , Santa's Little Helper. The entire family is super cute!!!

I did not get to blog much since my dance. Blame it on my dance a little though. Oh btw, while we are on it, lemme tell you that I was very very disappointed with my dance. Not because there was no synchronization in the dancers, but the concept itself was something I didnt enjoy right from the beginning. So the problem is that there are two schools of thought.

1) People who think that just by playing the audience's favourite song one can pass off any dance.

2) People see dance only for the dance, not for the music.

I agree I may be the biggest extreme of the latter (which again is not a good thing), but there were people who swore by the former. And because of majority, I gave in. Anyway, as long as I had something to work for, I am happy.

On the Simpsons note, this show gets out all my maternal instincts. You know its weird, but I really think I can take care of little ones well. I think the best indication how you ll be with your kid is by seeing how you keep your pet dog. And I thoroughly pamper Polly, to the extent of spoiling her.

Looking forward for this weekend, explore Cochin.

Winters make me real sleepy, and I have food cravings all the time. But I love to sleep during winters. After getting back from Cochin though, I plan to decorate my room in pretty twinkly lights and finalize my 2011 list. Lets see how it goes.

@Lavinor : Ill make the list before 2011 starts, for sure.

I feel nice...

Its 10.12pm , Im sitting in the office. Dont be surprised, for a change Im not working at night. I left office relatively early today, had a dance meeting where, after too much of discussion I came to my usual bias of doing slow, graceful songs compared to peppy-filmy-bollywoodish numbers.

My roommate Madhavi (aka Psycho) came along with me for the dance meeting.
She somehow had her Monday evening blues, so when we set out of the office, I decided to get the best food and let her feel good at home. Somehow, it so happened that due to some work she had to get back to the office, so I decided to accompany her. With two bags full of food, I managed to enter office and here I am, listening to her while blogging.

I had a nice lunch talk with A.K. And somehow he is right, I should really stop being revengeful. I know that its not going to take me anywhere. I am so proud of him. Somehow I knwo that he got my frustrations out so easily, that I know he will be able to calm her down and give the best advice. Sometimes I wonder, how can someone so young have a maturity of an old sage. Its the combination of the maturity and the patience he has that makes him such a perfect advisor.

Also, Im really proud of Zubair (aka Zufair) who is finally beginning to conquer what he likes. Its just today that I realised his value in my life here. His presence is like a "Chuddy Buddy" which always comforts me. And funnier being me showing my confidence and discussing some non-work issues about him with one of the top heads of my workplace. Either its called confidence, or its called stupidity. I am definitely one of them.

I also felt really good because I read this blog called Ill Seen , Ill Said. The blog about finding the perfect mug really inspired me. Such little details which are so important in life also mean a lot to me. Like finding the perfect mug where one's fingers can fit perfectly. Nice read.

To learn from them...

A few things that I learnt today. Always try to get the best out of people around. It will really help you become a better person.
So I already told you about Lavinor Online and how I decided to make a resolution list of my own.
Today I also decided to pick up good reading habits from A.K. He has been a voracious reader since childhood. And it really impresses me to see how engrossed he can get when he starts reading books. I really respect his love for books and the way he has been in a relationship with them forever.
Im going to get pushy to get myself enrolled in a dance class . And get going with Bharatanatyam.

General Updates : I'm really excited about 3rd Nov,2010. :)
You know the biggest realisation I had today? I have this daily dose of caring for people. Maternal Instinct sort of. So I just have to care for someone around. Whoever it may be, but till I dont vent it out.. I feel suffocated. Thats why when I was at home, I vented out all my maternal instincts on Polly by papmering her all the time. Its not always a good thing, because it could easily be of annoyance to people who like living a carefree life, but you can let your care go to those channels in a controlled manner. Till you know they dont mind it.

My cooking spree was on a sabbatical for a while, have gotten back to healthy cooking again. Made khichdi today. Will put up the recipe on my other cooking blog.

Moral of the day : Learn good things from everyone around you.

The most beautiful thing ive ever felt

You know what is the best feeling?When you come up on stage. You feel the lights blinding your eyes. And suddenly , with the start of the music. You hear people screaming at the top of their voices. J

Im smiling right now. Im really happy . These four days of Technosearch ’10 went by without realizing.

I started preparing for dance. Me and my favourite dance partner Indu along with Urvi decided to do something special this year. So we choreographed the dance on “Baby One more Time” .But due to unfortunate circumstances we couldn’t do the dance .I was a little disheartened. Because I hate backing out of anything , once Ive taken it up,especially dances.I still didn’t give up hope. Me and a few really good dancers from the junior batches danced on Iktara. Iktara was cancelled once before, but this time we did. I don’t know how the audience found our dance. But I loved dancing on it. The way all of us moved gracefully to the tunes of Iktara, I felt true inner happiness. All these things didn’t feel like it was done for any competition. Or for any commercial act. It was pure dance. Beauty. It felt beauty inside. It did not think about whether it was better than others or not. Other dances might have been much better, but I didn’t seem to care.I just danced. Felt like I was praying. I just danced because I loved to dance. I took part in B-Tango with my son (Amar Sesma) . J We rocked the stage the way we danced, especially Amar. He was absolutely brilliant. People shouts were heard the most when he used to start dancing.Im realy proud of him.

I also walked the Ramp. Angels of Paradise. We were looking gorgeous. Everyone was dressed like angels. The effort put in, the choreography involved. Everything seemed so worth it in the end. I just walked the group ramp and came. Urvi majorly designed our clothes, after which girls used their own brain to create the final look. The outcome though was beautiful . The way people walked the ramp. When I slipped on to the white one shoulder dress with yellow and white flowers on it, it just felt so beautiful. I felt like the most beautiful person on earth, even without looking in the mirror. Coz I felt beautiful. I felt in from inside. When we came on stage, the feeling that I got when people started cheering at the top of their voices.God must have been there to see me. It felt like prayer. It felt like meditation.

It felt beautiful.

Little things I like

I like touching dogs' wet noses. And keep touching them .

I like fiddling with the remains in my plate at the end. If it is a vegetable piece , I could use a fork to cut it into a million minuscule pieces.

I like describing an action using sounds. This Ive taken from my mom. When a lizard falls on the floor, she says " The lizard fell.. "Pattth".

I like to look at myself in front of the mirror immediately after Ive cried. I get so engrossed in looking how red my eyes have become that I forget that I was crying.

I hardly cry in romantic movies. But I cry in every dog movie. I cried like crazy when I saw 101 Dalmatians . When they thought the last pup Lucky died,but suddenly it moved its arms, yawning like the most beautiful thing in the world. And lo... the water tank began!

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I like crying. I cry a lot. And a lot. Its lets my grief come out and make me come back to normal.

I like to smell. I smell a lot. I smell petrol , pickle bottles, washed clothes, my hand when there is lotion on it.My olfactory sense is the strongest.

I never like to visualize the end. If i see it, that means Ive lost it. Like when i run a 100 meter race, I never ever imagine holding the trophy. That means Ive just lost it.

I like eating Dairy milk and keeping a piece on my upper palette without chewing it. I wait for it to melt.

I like catching mosquitoes in my hand tight enough to fracture their limbs, but loose enough for them not to get squished in my hand.

Its strange that whenever I end up sleeping more during exams and dont finish a particular topic, that topic either does not come or I can leave it choosing another option I know. And when I dont sleep, it seems like this voice inside already knew the paper and used its discretion to wake me up early in the morning. I can feel it.

I read reading Prevention magazine.

I like mimicking Bubbles's voice (Powerpuff Girls). I like her the most amongst all the sisters.

I like taking quizzes about self help.

I like believing in astrology and feel that I AM truly a cancerian.

I like listening to the sound of flowing water. Whenever I go to a beach, I just listen quietly.

I like singing the Carnatic Music of Bharatanatyam while doing my daily chores.

I like to synchronize my breath with the running steps I take while practicing for basketball.It makes me forget that Im tired.

I like going by the color therapy. Thats why there is red wallpaper in my room.

I like being weird.

Diwali '09!!

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Because I wasnt able to go home for Navratri, I thought why not go home for Diwali?So I came here. Diwali was like any year a silent Diwali, without crackers. Polly gets traumatized after hearing the sound of crackers. It reminds her of her German ancestors probably..;)

Anyway me and Goli decided to make a Rangoli to get the feel of festivities of Diwali.

She decided to make The Simpsons as rangoli. Not only because that is her favorite TV series, but also because we have always thought of The Simpsons having an uncanny resemblance to our family. (Hilarious ,I know)

Homer .J : His behaving like a kid at most times, Penny Wise Pound Foolish. Competing with Bart and Lisa, not answering to the questions their kids ask with the right answer, instead.. saying "No LISa, Daddy does not want you to go there".(Daddy)

Marge: Singing along to herself when she is working in the kitchen, an extremely loving mother,does not hear when her kids are shouting out her name. Cannot be very strict to her kids. Lisa and Maggi's favorite.(Mom)


Bart: Spoilt Brat, very street smart, good with gadgets and playing pranks on friends. Fights with little sister Lisa and finds her stupid to believe in institutionalization and formal education. (Pratham)

Lisa: Passionate, emotional, animal lover, pure vegetarian, environmentalist. (Me)

Maggi: High IQ, always on mom's lap. (Goli)

Santa's Little Helper: Cute ,Brown dog. Always near Lisa. (Polly)


Dur to this,Maggi decided to make the Simpsons rangoli during diwali .It turned out to be pretty much a disaster, with me giving outlines in black and my brother in green.




Also, I discovered a few things:

a) Socializing does lighten your mood. Even its on the net.

b) Polly is really a smart dog. There was rangoli all over the balcony. But she was really smart not to step on it, even if it took taking a few extra steps.

The road less travelled

Im scared. Not scared to death. But scared. I want to know what's best for me. I happened to meet this woman in our flat who had been in the Navy for seven years. I was awe struck by her. And at this point, I feel like a little kid. I feel like thinking about random things right now, a lot of things ...and nothing related to each other. A complete mad hatter is what I feel right now:

a)Join the navy.
b)Become a veterinary doc.
c)Open a dance class for 15 days in Gandhinagar, and teach them a few dance routines. Pocket money.
d)Go abroad and learn Ballet.
e)Take a trip with my mom and sister. Girls Holiday Out.
f)Sleep continuously atleast for 16 hours. And feel totally fresh.
g)Buy a domain name .Create a web site.
h)Collaborate with my mom and hold a dance competition for different categories in the Town Hall at Gandhinagar. Something small but fulfilling to start with.
i)Not to sit for my placements at all. No point because anyway they are looking for coders. Whtas the point of looking for a "backup" just incase things dont work out.
j)Collaborate with my mom and help her open a boutique. I will be incharge of decorating the boutique. Decorating it with handicrafts and artifacts. Use of wood logs in the boutique as seats. Converting our garage into a boutique seems like a wonderful idea. :):)


I dont know why is it that a lot of times this randomness enters my head and stays for a long time. Why is it that I end up deciding the most random things in life and something so monotonous comes on my way?

I dont know what to do. I just dont. Will this realisation ever come to me?Or shall I do everything turn by turn?

And when I dont, I just want to go home. Things seem so much simpler then.
Even without a solution. :(:(

Back on track..Back to life!!

First of all ,let me jump as high as I can..July is here!!! Yay..

I must be one of the very few people who gets excessively excited about my birthday coming,and one of the rarest to sit with a pen and paper and actually plan it. So here it is,my favorite month,for the obvious reasons. I love this month for a lot of reasons,mainly being loads of rain,dewdrops on plants early in the morning, college reopening,looking forward to setting up my new room , meeting Popat after such a long time, seeing the birthday pics everyday ..again and again.. So many things happen during July. This July is a little different though. I used to spend every year normally roaming around with Amit , going to Cafe Coffee Day and Cool Point , Infocity, Gandhinagar. Used to listen to his talk, loads and loads of interesting ideas,the way he used to laugh like a moron. This year I havent been able to get a chance to sit with him in those places.And I spent these holidays without him. :( Hope to see him when I get back sometime during the later half of the year. One of my friends had told me that he was disappointed seeing sad posts in my blog. So I decided Ill come back with a bang. And yeah, so I am back ,with the best of my zest and zeal. One of the things I decided to do was to make a list of top 100 things to do before I die.

I had succeeded in making only a few,but thought Ill keep updating as I remember. So here it goes,the few of which I have in the making of a fulfilling life.

1)Walk in the sands of the Goa beach,in the evening..watching the perfect sunset.
2)Get a belly button piercing.
3)Make a dance video,and be the lead,with cool effects...using black,white and red.!!!
4)Get a set of professional photographs taken..the style diva for a day!
5)Have a pet organization.
6)Buy my mom a ticket to some place abroad,all by my own money.
7)Adopt a baby.
8)Taste Alcohol once..and see what its like getting drunk.
9)Get a tattoo.
10)Go to all the continents of the world once..even if it is one place each.
11)Start a cultural events academy.
12)Buy a cool NIKON camera ,used by most professional photographers,and take a lot of photographs.
13)See all weather conditions, snowfall,desert,rainfall,autumn leaves,spring flowers.....
14)Visit to a spa in Kerala.
15)Cook a full five course continental meal ,which btw is delicious...all by myself.
16)Do a ballroom dance,wearing the perfect Black gown.
17)Get a huge family picture ,which can be blown up into becoming a wallpaper of one entire wall f the room.



Loads of things happening in life. A cultural programme took place during our internship. One was a classical dance and the other was a Giddha (Punjabi folk dance of women). The giddha went well, but due to time constraints my solo bharatatyam didnt go really well.I didnt have time to edit the song, and my final performance had a lot of disturbance. Apparently the audience wasnt able to relate to it (a few came and complained as well). I was upset for sometime because of some random people coming and telling me things. But then,I thought its a challenge to come up with a performance without any flaws.

Anyway, Im making a trip to Vizag with a few friends of mine. I plan to celebrate a birthdya in advance during the weekend ,wear a straw hat, bubble chappals, and a shell necklace, and cut the cake on the shore ,water hitting my legs. I hope the weather and other things go the right way. Im really excited about making the trip . And Im missing a few people as well. So yeah,in short, this is pretty much what is happening in my life right now. 17 days left for me to go back home. Im happy and sad as well .Made a few good friends out here. Will miss them a lot when I get back. Lets not think about it for now. Lets hope the best for this new month.

Oh yeah, I also sprained my ankle in the aerobics class in the office building. I fell at an angle of 90 degrees flat on the ground. Its much better now. But lets hope it gets perfectly fine before I leave for Vizag.

Cheers!

Arundhati Roy:God of Small Things

I always liked to read books written by Indian authors,because I could relate to them so much better.And Arundhati Roy proved all my thoughts to the greatest extents.Ive read only half the book right now,but its soo addicting.

There is something about the way she looks for optimism in all negative aspects.
And thats soo true.A lot of times we feel our lives are in dump,but you know what?There will be soo many others whose lives would be in greater pains.So we musnt complain.
A must read for all.

Btw...music lovers: you must lsiten to "Toss The Feathers" by The Corrs.

And yeah,im coordinating a music show on a small level in our office. I dont knwo the ABC of music.But its fun seeing such talented people come together to perform something.LEts see how the preparation goes.

Hmm..Btw Pavitra..this is for you if you are reading this.

I miss you big time.

Cheers!

Layout of my new room!!

Im really excited about my room getting renovated..It was more than expiry date to the room..and it needed a thorough job to it.Finally the day has come where it has started..I just have two days to specify which colorsare needed to paint the walls and what further changes.I dont want to waste money unnecessarily,so im making as minimum changes as possible..

Anyway i have a few plans for the room,and a few added decoration designs.. Would be happy if you can give more suggestions or give further ideas.

I was just talking to a friend the other day,and we were discussing about the color orange...He happened to know a lot of things about significance of the color orange (ask me what he doesn't know.. :P).He told me the color orange signifies purity in most religious cultures,be it the Buddhist culture or the Hindu culture. Also the chinese culture had associated its positive energy with the color orange.. Also ,according to the color therapy, the fun and flamboyant orange radiates warmth and energy..also stimulates activity....so lazy birds like me can finally get up and do SOME work..

Although orange can bring out strong emotions in a room...more like "love it " or "hate it" response.. but shades of peach,rust or terra cotta bring positive energies. So finaly i made up my mind to paint my room orange in color..I thought i would match it up with an off white color so that only orange should not become jarring to the eye.
something like this.
Also ,i thought of adding a touch or oriental culture to the room.So i thought of the lamps that can be used ,those paper lamps easily available in FabIndia for less that 300 Rupees.Here is an image of the lamps that can be used...Check out these lamps ...

(i dont plan to put it on the ceiling like this...it will probably be oriented on one of the sides or something..and maximum of 4 lamps....and maybe different sizes...lets see)

Also i thought ill add a touch of ethnic Gujarati work ...maybe on the pillow or a few cushions or something..I like the mirror work that is done in the Kachchh region of Gujarat.





Finally ..use of green in the form of plants and a few bells will complete the look of the room i guess. Lets see how it goes.....