"When you want something good in life, you pay a price for it. When you want something better, you pay a heavier price ."
But when you know that you see not a single scenario favoring the thing you want, mark my words, you wont be happy even after you get it. Because it wasn't meant for you to be.
Strive for a particular limit, fight till you keep seeing some ray of hope. But if everything right from your phone to your friends , your family to your work... everything seems dishevelled, it just means there is a signal warning you against it.
The difference between paying a price and getting a signal is that, when you have to pay the price ,you just have to. It doesn't come with an option. But getting a signal does have one.
I had my share of getting a signal .And chose not to.
The whole thing wasn't worth it in the first place ,I think.
Too many fights.
Too many enquiries.
Too many tiffs.
Near-to-falling-out fights with close ones.
And then, Polly falls sick .She has tumour. Not sure whether its benign or malignant. I feel numb.Cant understand a thing. Im not sure whether I should stay at home for a few days. I feel so attached to her. It scares me. The biopsy reports will come next week. Hope its not malignant. Otherwise chemotherapy sessions begin. Im sure though its benign.
Its at that moment when I look everywhere and think.. some things can look so petty when seen from a distance.
Some things look so frivolous when you talk about it, but when you come up with a greater problem , you can see the bigger picture.
And it feels so petty and small to even say what the problem actually is. I don't want to feel small about myself when I describe what it is which made me introspect circumstances.
Not thinking about it , I have decided to dedicate this year to a whole list of new things. Things which I didn't/couldn't/never thought of/ always wanted to do. A toast to a bright , new beginning. And for the petty things to follow, what was I thinking when I was fighting with a few people ? Why couldnt I have just reacted normally when they were asking me things/interviews/application forms/posts in the college? Why did I react?
I feel utterly stupid and shallow now. I feel there was no point fighting over something which wasn't worth fighting for. I also realized how crazy mob mentality can make you. I feel embarrassed to write this blog , but I had to declare my mistake. And i finally repaired it. I chose not to. I had always chosen not to. Revenge and curiosity of other people in me made me want to get back at them. I forgot for a moment I needed to increase my Karma points considering the number of good deeds Ive done till now has taken it to minus.
I wouldn't forget that now.