Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year Resolutions..

This might not be the entire list. But just the few that I decided to put up :

1. To take a pledge to donate all my body organs that can be donated after I pass away. (Its a grieving resolution, but I thought why not help someone else after I am gone?)
2. To decide what tattoo to get and get it before 2011.
3. To read one book every fortnight. That way, to read 24 books in 2011. And add a (+1) to make it my lucky number. Makes it 25 books in 2011.
4. Stop procrastinating. This is a resolution I keep every year, but fail to stick to it.
5. Get going on Bharatanatyam . I suddenly realised I have only one and a half years to complete my aim of doing an Arangetram before I turn 25. Atleast let me start now, if not 25 , Ill still do it someday.

Will fill in some more that are to come by tomorrow.
Happy New Year all of you!!! :):) Stop drinking and getting slaushed this New Year Eve. Wake up early morning, and get ready to kick start a bright, new morning. :)

Now I understand what an awkward situation means...

Funny as it may sound, but feeling out of place in a huge crowd of people can be the worst feeling..

I had the exact same feeling a while ago.
I went out with a couple of friends of the one because of whom I went. They were four in all. The worst part is because they all know each other really well, and their conversation involved a lot of internal talks. The worst part was , the person who was common to both me and them didnt seem to help either. So at the end of it, I was just sitting and listening to what they were talking, half of which I didnt comprehend because it involved some internal joke or some incident that I'm not aware of. It really disgusted me to the core.
It was a cold, dark night. 11.00 o clock in the night. Chilly winter. I was wearing that person's pyjamas and a T-Shirt, looking nothing better than a mad woman walking on the streets in loose clothes and unkept hair, my cheeks were red because of a lot of exercise I had done, my Kajal was spread across my under eye bags, making me look like a total unkept, ungroomed psychopath. Anyway, I wasnt even totally over the pain of entering a posh coffee shop looking like a total hag, than I realised that worse was to come.
To fake smile is something I have learnt from stage performances. But to fake smile when you are not understanding what the hell is happening for almost an hour and a half was the biggest test of my life.

More than test, somehow it began to annoy me a little towards the end. They aren't bad people I'm sure. Its just the feeling of feeling stupid and awkward in a situation that made me feel really weird.

But I must admit this too. Venting this random feeling out was the first step of conquering it. I already feel much better now. And my list of new year resolutions is almost out. I know I wont have time to blog tomorrow as Ill be busy getting dressed for the New Year Eve Party. So Im thinking why not blog my list today itself. Already feeling in the wonderful mood right now. :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Why I am vulnerable right now...

I decided to reflect upon my life.. Pre Bangalore vs Post Bangalore. And see where I am going. And how has it been for me till date.

Firstly I'm going to list down all the things I feel or the traits which are currently there.
- I get happy very fast too.
- I feel lonely very fast nowadays.
- And the past two feelings suggest I have been getting very vulnerable.

I just talked to Popat and realized that this vulnerability is nothing but parting sadness. And the real problem here is that I miss people after spending good quality time with him, but get really irritated if I feel they don't miss me enough. I think people are different. And we just have to understand that different people are made differently.

Anyway, I need to uplift my mood so that I can work upon my New Year Resolutions as well as the long list of work to be finished.
Feeling Blue.. Maybe because once you get a burst of happiness and back home, you want some more!!!

Time to sleep it off and forget about it.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I love Simpsons!

I love every character in that show. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa , Maggie , Santa's Little Helper. The entire family is super cute!!!

I did not get to blog much since my dance. Blame it on my dance a little though. Oh btw, while we are on it, lemme tell you that I was very very disappointed with my dance. Not because there was no synchronization in the dancers, but the concept itself was something I didnt enjoy right from the beginning. So the problem is that there are two schools of thought.
1) People who think that just by playing the audience's favourite song one can pass off any dance.
2) People see dance only for the dance, not for the music.

I agree I may be the biggest extreme of the latter (which again is not a good thing), but there were people who swore by the former. And because of majority, I gave in. Anyway, as long as I had something to work for, I am happy.

On the Simpsons note, this show gets out all my maternal instincts. You know its weird, but I really think I can take care of little ones well. I think the best indication how you ll be with your kid is by seeing how you keep your pet dog. And I thoroughly pamper Polly, to the extent of spoiling her.

Looking forward for this weekend, explore Cochin.

Winters make me real sleepy, and I have food cravings all the time. But I love to sleep during winters. After getting back from Cochin though, I plan to decorate my room in pretty twinkly lights and finalize my 2011 list. Lets see how it goes.
@Lavinor : Ill make the list before 2011 starts, for sure.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

One hectic day leads to another lazy day...

I just got up from a nice afternoon siesta. Well, not nice I must say... I kept having these random choreography in mind and then couldnt sleep very properly. But because of yin yang, I got up, danced with my roommates and I became all fine. I thought of meeting Purnima today, but because of being late, I got late. So now I have plans of watching Harry Potter 7 (I know I'm late).
I was a little bossy with the dancers today I think, I'm a little guilty of that. I believe in Karma. Put two and two together. :(

Time to get dressed and go for the movie. Suddenly I'm very happy. :):)

And I know why.
On that note, I just remembered how much I love the books of Luanne Rice. She has a lot fo warmth in her books. I have read only two of them till now, but wish to go to Blossoms, Bangalore and buy all the books available. Its a must read for those who take a minute to cry,and a second to laugh it off afterwards.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

You ll get what you want ... When the time comes..

The person knows this one is for him/her. So, Ive always believed in the theory that if you really really want something in life, there cant be a case where you would never get it. The only reason you would'nt have got it because you did not REALLY want it. I have seen people saying , "Gosh , I wish I was so lucky" . But dude, whoever out there says it, hope you realise that you are in the queue of getting it. A) Just REALLY want it. B) Have patience.

Anyway, I lived the day of my ancestors. It sounds absurd I know. But I always had learnt that our ancestors , going back to cavemen used to hunt for animals almost 16 hours of the day. So essentially, all they did throughout the day was to workout, and then come back and sleep. But then the new age set it and lethargy entered in all of us, being content in our umpteenth cup of coffee and sitting at our office desks from 9 to 5.
I had a friendly match with another college in Bangalore today morning, and we were not bad either. I came back , got ready for dance practice for our annual day, and then came back home, changed and ran to run the 5 Km Marathon run. There were 3000 participants out of which I was 6th in the women's category. Not too bad for me. Unfortunately they only had medals for top 5. Nevertheless, it was a proud moment for me to have finished the race. Im glad.

Time to sleep now!!! Long day ahead.
At the end of the day, Im completely exhausted, but proud of myself

Friday, December 10, 2010

Another day of a lost fight with my own self...

Its been a few days since Zufair pointed out a few flaws in me. The same flaws that Ive been living with all my life, something Ive never wanted to have in me. and yet, there are moments when I lose it.
I dont want to punish myself repeatedly for it, because it will dull down my morale, at the same time cut down those flaws, just like how a chain smoker would cut down his cigarettes in a rehabilitation center.

Isnt it so ironic that when I was small, and I would see my loved ones smoking , I would often wonder how weak would their will power be to be able to conquer smoking and just go cold turkey. But now that I look at me, it doesnt seem much different to conquer this flaw of mine. The tendency to lose temper fast, the tendency to feel hurt soon. Infact feeling hurt sooner is a much bigger flaw than losing temper. Feeling hurt is followed by self pity, which makes me feel utterly miserable, dependent and vulnerable.

Like today, I was silly enough to have a momentary lapse of temper with Zufair just because he made fun of my hair. (@Zufair : Openly admitting my shortcoming suggests that I am trying to improve and take in the right spirit :))

And then something as stupid as OT scolding me for not using other people's cellphones to take photos. Worse to come, I actually looked for another reason to be angry at him, a reason big enough that could destroy important strings attached in life. When I look at the bigger picture, I know how much importance this person holds in my life. I can see the effort taken from that side to keep me happy. And I am.

Then for what did I get hurt? Just to satisfy my ego? To prove me right?
I know that someday will come where I dont let anger rule over me.
And the struggle for it has already begun.

So at the end of the day, I tag this blog as "I_am_grateful_for" because I am grateful there have been these two people who have been with me and tolerated me inspite of my flaws.

I really want to be what Russell Peters says (in Zufair's rendition)
"When you look at a tree, and if there was a camera that would take pictures of what is going on inside your head, you should be able to see nothing."

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This one doesnt have a title

With each passing day, I tend to believe even more that blogging makes me really happy. After a long , hard day of multi tasking and trying to make ends meet at work, there is nothing better than listening to some nice music and just writing out everything that is in my head. Somehow it helps me clear declutter my mind.

The latest thing that has caught my fancy is singing along with Karaoke on Youtube. I sang along to a few songs till now, my favourite being Yellow by Coldplay, You 're still the one by Shania Twain and Zombie by Cranberries. Zombie just came by chance, I heard our office band singing this song during one of their jam sessions. I loved it so much that I actually went to the extent of making my roommate call one of those guys to find out what the song was.
Talking of music, Zufair just reminded me of how much I am in love with Mohit Chauhan's voice.
So listening to one of his latest songs from his album Fitoor.

My annual day dance is getting me a little stressed out. Its a lot of factors put together, different people having different opinions, not able to find the perfect time for everyone to come and practice .. and most importantly, these practice sessions have been taking out this mean person inside me .
I was a little rude with Psycho today, was really mean with some of the guys who keep commenting on everything and anything under the sun. I feel like Im behaving like a total arrogant b*&%$ when I'm trying to get practice done . I dont like that side of me. And honestly, I think Im not doing my job well if Im not keeping the dancers happy. I feel responsible somehow to make this dance go smoothly. I am not expecting the best dance to come out of this, but something that makes me happy and rememeber it as a performance that I did. So yeah, I feel a little guilty now, but charged up to try and be nicer to people when dance practice is going on.

More on my updates. I have a friendly basketball match with one of the best women's team of Bangalore. God save us. On a fitness note, there is a midnight marathon organised in Bangalore every year. I plan to run the IT run event which is a 4.2 Km run. I just hope Im able to squeeze in some time to do all these things.

Today, I just realised how even talking to some people for sometime and uplift one's mood to such a brilliant level.

And the weirdest part is that I began writing my blog with the intention to ramble along for sometime. :)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happy Birthday Poki!!!

This one is for my childhood memories, for someone who was always there when you needed her.
People are born with Barbie Dolls, I was born with having a friend like her. She came to Mount Carmel School in Kinder Garten. And since then we were always together in any activity, basketball, dance, name it.. and both of us are there for it. She was always the blue-eyed girl of our class. I always found her the prettiest in our class.

If you happen to catch a first glance, you'll notice that she lives life like a Princess. And that makes me so proud of her. With her 5"7' height, her lovely locks, her beautiful eyes and her powerpul personality, she can definitely give run for all the models in the country. Has an amazing fashion sense, a total diva one could say.

Although, thats what you 'll see. I have seen the real,crazy,whacky side of her. For example, I have heard her call diabetes , "DII-YAA-BATES" and rolling on the floor laughing for it. Thats the crazy her.
We have our set of really crazy moments we have had together.
Some of them are:
Poki has actually signed an autograph for me saying , " This one is my first autograph for you when I become famous. Signed : Nikita Puniani. :)
I know this day will defnitely come where Ill flaunt this autograph on Facebook.
(I still have the autograph on a page btw)
We have read Femina and discussed weird gossip right from how a guy dumps a girl to which is the best beauty secret when we were in the 8th Standard. We were very inquisitive kids.
Our everyday routine would be that we would meet in school together, wait for Recess to happen, have breakfast together, wait for classes to end, and cycle back to my place. And then I would put Backstreet Boys in my cassette player and we would start finishing all my homework. Maths, Science, even Drawing. There was always this competition between us as to who would finish first, and that way we would always end up finishing homework on time. Once the clock struck 5pm. We would get out of the house and play basketball or this crazy version of Badminton Ive never played before. The distance between us would almost be double of an actual Badminton court and we would call it our "Long Range" game. After a long ,tiring game of our "Long Range Badminton" we would get back, wash our faces and dress up like complete divas to go to CTF (Chills, Thrills and Frills) to eat something. Somehow ,she was always fond of coffee. So then we would go to CTF, and we would crib about how there are no "good" guys in Gandhinagar. (Think : Typical Teenage Drama Queens ). Thats what we were. Poki was mostly at my house all the time. It was like another member of the house. And then when she would finally go back, one of us would call and start gossiping again.
Another may to pastime for us was, the moment the clock struck 12 in the midnight, we would have this crazy urge to dress up and also my little sister Goli(aka Pavitra) up. We would remove alll our makeup and start wearing anything that we think is in vogue, and click loads of photographs. This also reminds me of the days we would go to dance during Navratis and get back really late. I still remember this one day when danced till 4.30am, got back. And thought there was no point sleeping, so just changed and went for a walk. But after we got back,both of us slept like logs.
Our terrace gossip sessions used to be another whirlpool of a time. We would lie down on the iron beds that were put there and begin discussing which is the best guy in our class, or which is the funniest guy in class. Essentially, analyse our class like mad people. Not to forget our Bharatanatyam sessions we had together.

We were inseperable.

But then 10th Standard happened. We ended up going to different schools and as a result, to different coaching classes. A period where we were a little cut off from each other, but things became rosy again after I came to college.

She has always been like a cushion for me. There is not even one emotion that I havent been able to vent out to this girl. You know, they say , in life if you have one close friend, your life is fulfilled. I did. And I think my life is fulfilled.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!!

I really miss you a lot. :(

Friday, December 3, 2010

Bucket List continues ...

So I did a few things I never did before..

a) Went to Hard Rock Cafe, Bangalore for the first time. Was brilliant fun with A.K (aka OT) ,Zufair and OT's roommate.
b) Took a tequila shot, with loads of lemon. Never done that before.
c) Had a big discussion on what tattoo to get and where. So, OT and me are planning to go together and get the tattoo done.
d) Helped Zufair decide pickup lines he wishes to use on someone.
e) Drank my highest 7 litres of water in the last 24 hours.

Aint I completely proud of myself?
So next steps. Do look for places which can be explored in Bangalore cheaply.