Why do we have bouts of negativity?

I thought of getting this negativity out of me. Like a disgusting virus that I would treat with yoga. Or an infection out of the body with medicines. I'm letting this be my medicine.

So I have been very very negative with everything around me for the past couple of days. I haven't yet been able to figure out what it is, but its eating me up. I thought I should blog about it, because as much as I don't gather strength to write down when I'm low, it is the truth that only blogging really helps me vent out all that is there inside.

So I have been very insecure lately. With everything around me. With OT. And sometimes I just feel its immaturity. In fact I ALWAYS feel it after I am done feeling that negative emotion. Has it ever happened to you that you feel so insecure about everyone around you? This ugly feeling that your friends have more important friends than you? And then to avoid that you try and cling on to them more, and that puts them off all the more. And then you get more annoyed and cling on even more.

And the cycle goes on.

The only way to break this cycle?

To get rid of your own shortcomings.

I mean forget ego, forget being right all the time. Whats more important right now is not to be important, but to understand that its OK to be wrong , as long as at the end of it you thank yourself for being wrong and correcting it.

Sometimes even when work goes on very well, and to avoid facing the problems that we are facing, we tend to hide in excess of work, making ourselves believe that working like mad will actually divert attention.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but it doesn't. It just waits for it to ferment inside, till it becomes so stale but you cannot get it out because its become a part of your skin.

That is exactly what I have been doing till now. Any problem, any shortcoming, anything that bothers me... I sink myself in work.

End result : Work has gone well. I haven't.

So I take a pledge this time. Next time I have a problem, I solve it then and there and then move on in life. And blog about it if I have the time, space and required tools.

How many of you are with me in taking this pledge? I hope to create an anonymous page where we can rant away all out problems, we can share with each other how to solve it , but never have to know who it really was.

After all, there is a huge part of all of us that does not like telling others if we have a problem. All of us are born in a way where we'll show we are happier than what we really are. I think its good in a way, its like Fake smiling.

When you are upset and still have to smile, you start feeling genuinely happy after sometime.

But lets get to the root of it this time. Lets make ourselves feel better . Lets be honest and get all the negativity out. Trust me, its Ok to be sad about something. We are human after all right. Just like we feel happy, we do feel sad,upset, insecure, negative, suspicious, impatient, intolerant.

I am saying all this because this is what I am (or was) experiencing .

And every time, blogging substantiates my belief of being therapeutic in nature.

So lets take a pledge together today, shall we?

Its finally here. The promo video .

My dance workshop got over. And it went really well for my debut. Hardly any profit in the first event, but at least I covered the cost incurred to the conduct the event.

Right from the choreography, the thought behind which dance step to keep which will be easy by a non dancer, and at the same time ensuring every step could be broken down into segments so that it is understandable.

It was my first experience. So I can still see amateur quality in the choreography, the video too.

No regrets at all. Because however be it, I'm going to continue making more videos. And now, my videos will focus on performance rather than events. For the time being at least.

Plus the promo video gave me quite a tough time because it had been long since I had worked on Movie Maker. Nevertheless. I'm proud of it. Here is my first promo video .

Things left to do now are

1)make a visiting card

2)make a website.

But anyway, glad I stayed up and finished this video.

I finally made a start. :)

Do give me suggestions on how to improve the videos and video making style.

A bright, new, happy 2011 !!!

I have so many things to write today. So I went about it by jotting down all the points I wanted to write before I forget. This substantiates the fact of my fetish for making lists.

I had a very happy New Year's Eve party last night. I danced like crazy. And suddenly I realized that its the most fun thing dancing with A.K. Everything suddenly becomes bliss. I know he is not a big fan of dancing. But I also know that he doesn't mind dancing once in a while with me. I was just a little worried towards the end because Popat became unwell. Also that I lost my clutch that had my debit card and my license. (Zufair : I know. This must be making you really happy. This is still nothing compared to the four cards you lost in six months)

Still, somehow these little roadblocks didn't stop me from feeling happy about the New Year Eve party. I think because it had a lot to do with the fact that I had all my close ones in Bangalore (Zufair was missing though :(..I wish he had been there too.) , the blissful dance with A.K and the final countdown to 2011. Honestly, after that precious moment when the crowds shouted "5..4..3..2..1", I became so emotional that I started crying. It just takes a drop of the hat for my tears to start rolling.

On this note, I want to make a special mention of A.K who has made my journey in Bangalore really special. Sometimes in life you need a cushion, to fall back on when you know the world slaps you with a hard hand. I have so much faith in him, because I know I have him in my life. There is immense happiness and tonnes of happy tears when I'm with him. I'm so glad that there's been a great beginning for 2011. I'm so glad that even the little fights we have had has never let me stop seeing the big picture, and realize there are more important things in life than winning some petty fight. And as I mentioned before, I've never loved dancing with anyone as much I have loved dancing with you.

This New Year Eve party involved me doing a lot of shopping. I have A.K's Canon Powershot SX110 IS which is THE best thing I could have in my hand. I took pictures of all the dresses and shoes that I bought. Will upload once I get the data cable from him. Also, along with those dresses, I suddenly got the mood to try out different styles of clothing from whatever I have in my wardrobe. How it all started was, I was watching these "How to dress in Style" videos on youtube.com. And seeing these girls team up simple t-shirts with belts and looking like style icons inspired me to do the same. Fortunately, I succeeded in creating one top-jeans-shoes-belt combination which looked pretty good. Anyway, I clicked pictures of me wearing them.

Adding to my list of things that I need to do in the next two days includes inquiring about my lost clutch, my lost driver's license, and getting a new debit card. I'll be joining dance classes soon.

Adding to the New Year resolution list :

1)Get a professional photoshoot.

2)Dont let people treat you like a pushover(Learn to be firm and ward unwanted people away).

Music I'm listening to :Beyonce, Irreplacable (Spanish version)

Book I'm reading : Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger

Weird Fact of the Day : When you type "add" in T9 on your mobile, the first word that it gives you is "bed". ( I don't know how "bed" is a more common word than "add"... Don't want to think deeper into this though. (chuckle))

Health Tip I just learned : Just found out that lycopene, found in tomatoes are absorbed in the body only if you take in with a little amount of fat. The best suggestion is to add a little olive oil to the salad. Time to buy Olive Oil I think.

Also, I oiled and steamed my hair. Lately I have been having more bad hair days than good ones. Soon , I plan to visit the dentist and the dermatologist to get myself checked.

Finally, I'm taking this moment to thank all the people who were there for me in 2010. In no particular order :Zubair ,Urvi, Alfan, Prerna, Amar, Indu, Animesh, Amit, Farah, Vivek, PU, Tirus, Smriti, Sonali, Harsh Mishra, GT, Pratham, Goli, Polly, Mom and Dad, Abhishek,juniors like Monika, Rakesh, Manju, the gujjus Amit, Megha(the biggest Gunti), Rekha (the biggest Drama Queen)..the IT Folks : Nandu, Chansal, Apurva, YK, Ritika and others, my basketball team: Sarita, Rachna, Siddhant, Rekha and all the others in the girls and guys team, Work people like Kranthi, Anup, Supriya, Madhavi, Komal, Jigisha, Madhurita, Ramya, Komal, Renjit, Vimmy, Eswar, Sumesh,my blog twin Anurag aka Lavinor.

And finally A.K... for giving me all the happiness I ever wanted.

(I apologize if I forgot a few names.. It might just mean that you were very important but always there.. so didn't click in my head)

Getting over isnt easy.. neither is it difficult

I had my drishtant farewell yesterday. We had lunch at ranjeet . and then went to bharat bhawan for hot seats .. after a few hot seats got over, we went to watch the sunset .. that was one beautiful sight to watch.

I could see the hustling traffic through marine drive. I was standing on one side of the lake, with utmst peace and serenity, and there on the other side.. i saw many cars overtaking each other, rushing and pushing to reach their homes/work as soon as they could.

I was just thinking.. How can there be two such different lives on two sides of the same thing??

And then i realized ....Getting over pain isn't as difficult as i thought it to be. Just count your stars for whatever you have got.. and you'll be grateful not to brood over some pain.

How we meet people who inspire us.

You never know when you might end up meeting people who inspire you so much that you wish to get up and do what you really want to do what you love to do, and not what you should do in accordance to the norms of the society. I met two such people. Dreamers ,you would say, they had their own defined principles about life, would do what they want to do.

Also, day by day, my belief about karma is becoming more and more. I would call it faith now.

I always heard people say, "Why do good things happen to bad people?"

It doesnt. Its all conspired to happen for the best.

Just look at it as a big picture.