Day 1 looks good

Yes!!!

I made it.

I succeeded in getting up at 6.00am today.

As I told you earlier , my plans of getting up, exercising went all smoothly.

I had an elaborate breakfast of one boiled egg, a bowl of oatmeal with milk, two slices of toast with Nutrilite butter, and two guavas.

I also somehow ended up getting the time to wash all my clothes, drying them and folding the ones that dried.

So all these things happened till some 11.00am. I got ready after that and went to the rent shop to get my garba ghaghra on rent. I got that, had sumptuous Bengali meal of rotis and fish and got back. I'm almost set to get ready for the evening.

So yeah, this is Day 1. More updates tomorrow.

October Dawns

New month tomorrow. Time to accelerate progress.

Better health.

Better work culture.

Better routine.

Better organisational skills.

Time to get up early and starting the day with yoga. That means getting out of the bed by 6.00am. Very much possible.

Breakfast by 8.30am. Special breakfast recipes include my regular oats and milk, vermicelli upma with soya nuggets and a new recipe by my cook, The "Soaked Fried Chana " (SFC)

So Chana (Chickpea) is a very nutritious lentil which can be eaten just like that after soaking them overnight. It tastes somewhat like peanuts. For those who don't enjoy that taste too much, they can heat oil in a wok, and fry the chickpeas and add salt and pepper.

Drinking a lot of water throughout the day. My regular dose of one "Naariyal Paani" from my coconut vendor friend outside my house. (Ya, I'm good friends with them now, we chat about how they run their business and other stuff)

Plus, I'm going to dance this Navaratri in Palace grounds. I'm all excited. I'm even getting a ghaghra choli on rent because I did not carry a ghaghra choli to Bangalore.

The most important point being NOT to plan the whole day in your diary. The only routine that stays is morning yoga and breakfast.

Happy October everyone!!!

July is the fastest month

Did you know I used to come online on my blog almost everyday to read the blogs that I follow, but didn't just realized how fast July flew. It was just a few days back that I thought I wrote the last post. But anyway. Lets focus on what all happened this month.

First of all, I had a complete blast of a birthday this 7th. It was a surprise from a lo

t of people I had never expected. I know birthdays make one happy and all, but this one made me even happier than that, if you know what I mean.

My birthday though ended in OT leaving for the U.S. Temporary parting blues remained for a few days but I consoled myself saying that its just for a month anyway.

Its raining cats and dogs here right now. In Bangalore, when you say "cats and dogs" you actually mean " daily evening chores of sprinkling water in the city". Its weird. So weird. Good weird though. That every time you sweat a little because of the weather, it just rains. So perfect. I did not know something like that existed . I thought weather was just meant to be like a strict teacher and teach you the meaning of tolerance.

This month was crazy. I ended up choreographing two stage events, one for Bosch and one for the school where I teach as a part timer.

They were both brilliant events. I even put up the videos and photos

on

http://www.facebook.com/piahdancestudio

Oh ya, I bought a lot of gifts for Polly for her birthday that was on Jul 11th, but have still not posted it. Bad me. (Lets hope writing it down makes me courier it faster)

One thing that has not been going on well is my food habits. Because of over work. I have thinned down a lot and not in a good way. Also, I have become very

irregular in my Bharatanatyam classes. I am feeling very guilty about that and trying to make up for it by going whenever I can.Hopefully , because both these events are done, I can go more regularly .

On the last note, here are a few photos Zubair and I took from my balcony

. Thi

s is the view from my house. Didn't know how amazing it was until just now. :) Happy reading. (Zubair. Again, why are we fighting? :S:S)

P.S : Green tea still makes me happy.

Feeling accomplished for the day's routine. Finally.

First things first. I just realized that I use the word "feel" a lot more than "think". I guess it has something to do with my INFJ characteristic taken from the Myers Brigg test. So I have stuck a chart on my wall behind my bed which has a time table where I have written that I'm supposed to sleep by 10.00pm and get up everyday at 6.00am. Dance classes in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the rest of the days get up and practice my full flip and aramandi.

In terms of health, to eat one spoon of flaxseed daily, drink 10 bottles of water, 2 cups of green tea.

I made that chart and conveniently ran off to Bandipur. All routine to dogs. I did what we call the EXACT opposite of following the routine. But then, I also got back and got to shape.

And when I say shape, I mean started shedding all the extra fat from my thigh accumulated from the overeating at Bandipur.

So today, for the first time in a long long time, I ate dinner by 8.30. Went for my dance class in the morning, practiced aramandi for sometime. For the people who dont know what aramandi is, in Bharatnatyam the half sitting position with your hands on your waist and legs bent so as to form a V is called Aramandi. That is the basic step of Bharatnatyam. Something like Sa Re Ga Ma of Music. But its definitely tougher than that. The pure shivering of your thighs, the bending forward of the upper body , the excruciating pain you feel directly in your thigh muscles, which screams and says you can do no more.

But thats the catch. Once you go past that excruciating pain, the dance is as beautiful as the effort put to get your aramandi right.

So as happy as I am right now in accomplishing the day's routine, I just realized its already 10.45pm and I'm past bedtime. Damn.

Oh last thing, I got wet in the rain today. It felt so amazing looking at everyone hunting for a shelter and I was walking in the rain and listening to music. Plus, luckily I saw this boiled corn guy so took a cup of hot,steaming corn and started walking in the rain again. Long time since I did that. I know it might not seem like a big thing, but it felt so perfectly liberating. Like I broke all the norms and shackles of right and wrong and decided to go the rebel way.

Time to pack up.

Goodnight readers.

Day 8 : It is very easy to sleep when you have work

And easy to blog too. Just like how it happens for all of us during exams, where we are at our creative best, our health best and suddenly we are worried about our skin and health and the things we want to do that we love most. And somehow, we end up forgetting all about it immediately after our exams are over.

Same is the case with me right now. I need to rush outside for promotion and I'm so conveniently learning CSS and editing an image on photoshop to put as my header. After a tough battle with myself, I got myself to get up, leave those things half way done, ate food and started getting ready.

Now, its raining outside. A sudden respite from the terrible heat Bangalore is getting. Not that I should complain much because I have lived in cities like Ahmedabad, Bhopal,Mumbai and Hyderabad where the heat doesn't seem to detach from the cities. Looking at the weather now, I am getting the tendency to slack off again and go to sleep.

But if I do this today, my workshop will be unsuccessful tomorrow. Lets do this today. Lets finish all the jobs and get some good sleep after the workshop.

The fight starts today.

Will I be successful in getting enough people to my workshop?

Early morning, time to get up and get going

I got up a little early today. Even in spite of not having my dance class today morning.

So I have a few things to do for my agenda today. Today's main agenda is getting sponsorship for this programme of my dance class . There is an event happening in July for which I need sponsorship worth 2L. Ive done some small level sponsorship in my college where I did not get too much either. Infact I hardly got anything out it. Thats why I thought I venture in for a few days and see how successful I can be at getting sponsorship.

Secondly, I have my regular dance class today evening. Before that, I need to finish my regular stretching, the aim for being able to do a full split . Shockingly, yesterday after I got done with my stretches and cooled down, and when I sat for dinner, I saw a few scars on my knee, the ones you get when someone punches you or you hit some object very hard. Like a blood clot. It was pretty scary and the spookily the first thing I remembered was the movie "Black Swan". And ouch, the scar hurts a little. But as most experienced dancers say, if you can live with the pain like nothing happened and continue dancing, the pain will go. I am not a firm believer of that in many cases. I believe it works when you have an internal ailment, like fever or cold. But if your bones are damaged, let them rest for sometime before messing with it.

Ironically, the same person who is saying this ended up practicing for 6 hours straight before the dance auditions with a damaged ankle and succeeded in reducing the pain. I just dont understand how the human anatomy works.

Anyway, these days I have got totally obsessed with dance. I dont remember a single night after coming back from the auditions where I haven't dreamt of being auditioned . And surprisingly, everytime I seem to be getting selected in every dream. Seriously weird as I thought I got over the whole auditions thing, got back to Bangalore and started planning of what to do next.

By the way, I am planning to conduct my first ever dance workshop in my apartment itself. I plan to schedule it next week. I need to get a flyer ready so that I can stick it all around my Apartment complex. I am still finalising on he dance style and which audience to target.

Fingers crossed.

Im not working.. Im whining

I'm down with a bad cold, have been planning a few things for the past few days to finish. Since I came back to Bangalore from an India trip, I had decided Ill take enough initiative and join dance classes and then look for a job.

a) Ive just started looking for dance classes, which hasn't gone very well

b) My portfolio is nowhere near to be made

c) I haven't even chalked out a plan to what types of job to look at. Leave alone applying to any of them.

The few attempts I made in the past few days were all unfruitful . Every night I would come back home whining that things didn't work out my way, but do you want to know why it REALLY didn't work out? Its because I didn't try enough.

You know when sometimes in life, you try something but you already know you wont get it, the effort is less than half because you are defeated in the mind. I dont know why I am having this.

Thats where I turn to blogging, because I know that this is the only place which will get my thoughts together, get my act together and take the initiative, be pushy.

I need to get out of my comfort zone and take the initiative.

And yet again, typing down the thoughts does relax my mind . Im glad

Another day of a lost fight with my own self...

Its been a few days since Zufair pointed out a few flaws in me. The same flaws that Ive been living with all my life, something Ive never wanted to have in me. and yet, there are moments when I lose it.
I dont want to punish myself repeatedly for it, because it will dull down my morale, at the same time cut down those flaws, just like how a chain smoker would cut down his cigarettes in a rehabilitation center.

Isnt it so ironic that when I was small, and I would see my loved ones smoking , I would often wonder how weak would their will power be to be able to conquer smoking and just go cold turkey. But now that I look at me, it doesnt seem much different to conquer this flaw of mine. The tendency to lose temper fast, the tendency to feel hurt soon. Infact feeling hurt sooner is a much bigger flaw than losing temper. Feeling hurt is followed by self pity, which makes me feel utterly miserable, dependent and vulnerable.

Like today, I was silly enough to have a momentary lapse of temper with Zufair just because he made fun of my hair. (@Zufair : Openly admitting my shortcoming suggests that I am trying to improve and take in the right spirit :))

And then something as stupid as OT scolding me for not using other people's cellphones to take photos. Worse to come, I actually looked for another reason to be angry at him, a reason big enough that could destroy important strings attached in life. When I look at the bigger picture, I know how much importance this person holds in my life. I can see the effort taken from that side to keep me happy. And I am.


Then for what did I get hurt? Just to satisfy my ego? To prove me right?
I know that someday will come where I dont let anger rule over me.
And the struggle for it has already begun.

So at the end of the day, I tag this blog as "I_am_grateful_for" because I am grateful there have been these two people who have been with me and tolerated me inspite of my flaws.

I really want to be what Russell Peters says (in Zufair's rendition)
"When you look at a tree, and if there was a camera that would take pictures of what is going on inside your head, you should be able to see nothing."

I feel nice...

Its 10.12pm , Im sitting in the office. Dont be surprised, for a change Im not working at night. I left office relatively early today, had a dance meeting where, after too much of discussion I came to my usual bias of doing slow, graceful songs compared to peppy-filmy-bollywoodish numbers.

My roommate Madhavi (aka Psycho) came along with me for the dance meeting.
She somehow had her Monday evening blues, so when we set out of the office, I decided to get the best food and let her feel good at home. Somehow, it so happened that due to some work she had to get back to the office, so I decided to accompany her. With two bags full of food, I managed to enter office and here I am, listening to her while blogging.

I had a nice lunch talk with A.K. And somehow he is right, I should really stop being revengeful. I know that its not going to take me anywhere. I am so proud of him. Somehow I knwo that he got my frustrations out so easily, that I know he will be able to calm her down and give the best advice. Sometimes I wonder, how can someone so young have a maturity of an old sage. Its the combination of the maturity and the patience he has that makes him such a perfect advisor.

Also, Im really proud of Zubair (aka Zufair) who is finally beginning to conquer what he likes. Its just today that I realised his value in my life here. His presence is like a "Chuddy Buddy" which always comforts me. And funnier being me showing my confidence and discussing some non-work issues about him with one of the top heads of my workplace. Either its called confidence, or its called stupidity. I am definitely one of them.

I also felt really good because I read this blog called Ill Seen , Ill Said. The blog about finding the perfect mug really inspired me. Such little details which are so important in life also mean a lot to me. Like finding the perfect mug where one's fingers can fit perfectly. Nice read.

To learn from them...

A few things that I learnt today. Always try to get the best out of people around. It will really help you become a better person.
So I already told you about Lavinor Online and how I decided to make a resolution list of my own.
Today I also decided to pick up good reading habits from A.K. He has been a voracious reader since childhood. And it really impresses me to see how engrossed he can get when he starts reading books. I really respect his love for books and the way he has been in a relationship with them forever.
Im going to get pushy to get myself enrolled in a dance class . And get going with Bharatanatyam.

General Updates : I'm really excited about 3rd Nov,2010. :)
You know the biggest realisation I had today? I have this daily dose of caring for people. Maternal Instinct sort of. So I just have to care for someone around. Whoever it may be, but till I dont vent it out.. I feel suffocated. Thats why when I was at home, I vented out all my maternal instincts on Polly by papmering her all the time. Its not always a good thing, because it could easily be of annoyance to people who like living a carefree life, but you can let your care go to those channels in a controlled manner. Till you know they dont mind it.

My cooking spree was on a sabbatical for a while, have gotten back to healthy cooking again. Made khichdi today. Will put up the recipe on my other cooking blog.

Moral of the day : Learn good things from everyone around you.

Why I lost the Semi Finals .....

I had my semi finals Inter Branch basketball the same day I was leaving for home. IT/BI vs CS/Chemical. The game began at around 5.00pm. We were on an easy lead. And I was pretty sure we will win. The last quarter began. Unfortunately I already had four personal fouls on me. If I made one more, I would have had to substitute me for someone else. I was playing carefully. Trying hard not to lose my temper. All efforts in vain. We lost. Do you know why? It wasn't my not-upto-the-mark game. It was something else. For the first time in my life, I felt that some people succeeded in breaking my confidence, distracting me to the level that instead of focusing on the game I was busy focusing on how to stop people from saying things. Cheering is one thing during a game, and commenting is another. I know this sentence is coming out from someone who has never let these things affect any game. But amongst the tension,game plan,adrenaline rush due to energetic running on the court, I lost it. Completely. I hated it. And when my heart was hurt, everything erupted. I was dribbling on the court and I heard someone say "Arey akele thodi khelna hota hai, doosro ko bhi khelne do" . I admit I can dribble well, but the second someone said that I lost hold of my basketball. I got it back with some effort again, and by that time I was so anxious and hyper that I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to save the last foul for the last quarter. All the unnecessary hooting and "KP haaregi" ,"KP ka shot nahi jaayega" got me hyper. I pushed the girl who was defending me and took a shot. And guess what? The shot when in straight through the basket . A clean sweep.


But worse was to come. The referees paused the game. The shot wasn't counted.Along with that I was given a foul for charging. My last foul for the game. Last quarter. All gone. I was substituted. The score that time was 9-4. Five minutes left to the game being finished. We were leading. I thought we will survive. I came out and watched those guys in utter fury and resentment. Within two minutes the opponents took 2 shots. 9-8. Within the next minute another shot. 9-10. I knew it at that time that we have lost . I still didnt lose hope. Asked my teammates for just one more shot. Within a matter of seconds, both the referees took their hands and signalled the ending of the fourth quarter.


I lost..



But isnt it ironic that these same people, who had hooted for our team so badly during Sportomania '09 actually made us win?They were the ones who actually motivated me to play so well. You know something? Im horrible at takng shots. My only strong point in the game is dribbling. Otherwise my shots are normally very innacurate. You know during sportomania, I converted 13 shots and 7 free throws ?Guess why? The negative hooting of "7 number haarega" made me truly positive about playing well. I was laughing with pity and remorse looking at them. Because I knew what the results would be. So those set of people were probably the only elements that made us win the game. But this time I lost. I didn't take their criticisms positively. Its my fault. If I could have done the same thing that I used to do earlier, then these negative hooting would be the best motivator for me.

Because the world conspires for it to happen!

"When you want something good in life, you pay a price for it. When you want something better, you pay a heavier price ."

But when you know that you see not a single scenario favoring the thing you want, mark my words, you wont be happy even after you get it. Because it wasn't meant for you to be.

Strive for a particular limit, fight till you keep seeing some ray of hope. But if everything right from your phone to your friends , your family to your work... everything seems dishevelled, it just means there is a signal warning you against it.

The difference between paying a price and getting a signal is that, when you have to pay the price ,you just have to. It doesn't come with an option. But getting a signal does have one.

I had my share of getting a signal .And chose not to.
The whole thing wasn't worth it in the first place ,I think.
Too many fights.
Too many enquiries.
Too many tiffs.
Near-to-falling-out fights with close ones.
Ignorance.
Arrogance.
Revenge.
And then, Polly falls sick .She has tumour. Not sure whether its benign or malignant. I feel numb.Cant understand a thing. Im not sure whether I should stay at home for a few days. I feel so attached to her. It scares me. The biopsy reports will come next week. Hope its not malignant. Otherwise chemotherapy sessions begin. Im sure though its benign.

Its at that moment when I look everywhere and think.. some things can look so petty when seen from a distance.

Some things look so frivolous when you talk about it, but when you come up with a greater problem , you can see the bigger picture.

And it feels so petty and small to even say what the problem actually is. I don't want to feel small about myself when I describe what it is which made me introspect circumstances.

Not thinking about it , I have decided to dedicate this year to a whole list of new things. Things which I didn't/couldn't/never thought of/ always wanted to do. A toast to a bright , new beginning. And for the petty things to follow, what was I thinking when I was fighting with a few people ? Why couldnt I have just reacted normally when they were asking me things/interviews/application forms/posts in the college? Why did I react?

I feel utterly stupid and shallow now. I feel there was no point fighting over something which wasn't worth fighting for. I also realized how crazy mob mentality can make you. I feel embarrassed to write this blog , but I had to declare my mistake. And i finally repaired it. I chose not to. I had always chosen not to. Revenge and curiosity of other people in me made me want to get back at them. I forgot for a moment I needed to increase my Karma points considering the number of good deeds Ive done till now has taken it to minus.

I wouldn't forget that now.

Movie Marathon

Isn't it strange that a non movie buff like me ended up watching two movies,back to back....in one day...in the theater?????
I know difficult to comprehend. It was more like chance than choice. We bought tickets for the morning show in Jyoti Cineplex as it was cheap.We entered...waited for the movie Delhi 6 to start,suddenly "Slumdog millionaire" started.I was really blank for a few minutes. And as i had seen the movie earlier,i knew that it was Slumdog right from the first scene.We actually started considering getting out of the theater,but we couldn't.We were embarrassed to tell our other friends about it,and were laughing our minds off at the foolishness on our part. We finally decided we will watch Slumdog fully and then go to a cheaper Cineplex to watch Delhi 6. Because in the end we didn't want to go back telling people we didn't watch the movie we went for,and came back without watching it at all.So this is how we watched Slumdog and then Delhi 6 immediately after that in a really cheap theater.

Reviews:

Slumdog was as good as ever. The hindi dubbing is a real mood killer though.Also check out Pussycat Dolls cover for Jai ho.Much better than Sukhvinder's version.His voice is really irritating.


Delhi 6:Music was fabulous.Title track is nice.So is Noor,Genda Phool. Story had no meaning in it.The "monkey man" fiasco that happened in Delhi once in 2001 was the only thing the story was based on.


Today is the 1st of March.New day of a new month.New beginning. And lately i realized i wasn't spending time for myself enough. Sometimes it happens that one ends up giving too much priority to others that I forgot my own existence.I was tied down in this solid web in trying to solve a lot of complexities in my life. But you know,they say,instead of trying to invent an anti gravity pen,why not look for a pencil to write in space?

I really have to start concentrating on myself rather than others.And spend time with myself more than others.This involves a)less phone talks,b)less eating outside food ,c)caring for yourself first.

I have to start studying as well.Right now scenario is really bad.Not studying,only eating junk food.MY skin all tanned after basketball an ruined after all the erratic food and sleep habits and eating outside food all the time.And i realized that i need a mental "stick" to bash me up whenever I get out of schedule,or do something which is not good for me. So today is the new day of a new month,and i decided to refresh my brain a little and think of what i am doing.And whether this is what i want for myself.So a whole new list of monthly and weekly resolutions getting entered in my notice board.Lets hope the mental "stick" is there to bash me before things get out of hands. And my previous post about control over yourself,i must say that no matter what happens in life,or no matter how vulnerable you get...never ever lose control over yourself.

Is control over yourself always the answer?

Does one always have to control what they think or feel?Doesn't it ever happen that for once you feel like surrendering to destiny? Or surrendering to what you think or feel? Instead of trying to capture those emotions into one big prison,because you think thats the way it should be......or if its the other way round,it might end up harming you??

Although sometimes after one has surrendered,one might face failures and then look back and wonder whether they took the right decision in the first place..So its upto oneself to think what is more important.........those cherished moments that live forever,even after knowing that failure has happened?Or "strategize" so perfectly that one ends up preventing....and Curing doesn't get a chance at all?

Once bitten,twice shy....I know that.. But what if one doesn't want to think at all?

An irritating truth!!!

Do you know that all are good at something..and have some talent in you??Its sad..that all of us,including me have almost wasted,or are on the verge of wasting our talents in the next few years.. Do you know why?
PROCRASTINATION...Lack of initiative...Lack of getting yourself off your beds. .Lack of the EUREKA moment in our lives.

The only reason why BPO companies use Indians as cheap robots is because we cannot think wider than the narrow horizons that have been created for us.Right since when i was a child and used to go to school...the society (not my home ,fortunately) used to say.."Acchi tarah padhaaii karna..Badi ho kar ingineeer ,doctor banna....MBA karna..Khoob paisa kamana"

Ok ..now the scrutiny in these sentences..
a)Seems like "Ingineer" and "Doctor" is the ultimate aim of life.Anyone doing anything else is someone who doesn't value studies.
b)It seems like everyone wants to study for money...Something like passion for your job has never been the first priority.

Why is it that we can never use our talents and just choose from the above three professions?I mean there are people who are truly meant to be engineers and doctors or managers?Why not leave it to them to decide?And isnt it an awfully big coincidence that all of us have the aptitude of becoming engineers and then managers?Isnt it ironic that half of us would have practically never "MANAGED" even a small event in our society,college or school?

I agree these it seems easy to get a job after being engineers and doctors and MBA students..
But looking at the present scenario,investment banking having razed to the ground,IT companies getting trapped in frauds and leaving around 50000 employees and their jobs in total jeopardy..

I think its time for all of us to give a hard knock on our brain doors and ask what we are truly meant to be doing?In a way the recession and total collapse of investment banking has given MBA students and engineers some break from the hoo-laa-hoo of getting job over job,and finally can sit back and wonder what they are meant to do?And do it only if they are meant to do..Its time we open our eyes and stop procrastinating and analyse ourselves,before it gets too late ..and we get succumbed in the robotic jobs foreign banks and firms have in store for us..