Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Dreams in line

I feel its been so long since I penned down what I want in life. All those crazy dreams that I've always wanted to fulfill. I have this theory that if you write/ type down all the things you want in life then you can actually focus on making them true. I admit I was in this phase where I really got very detached with any kind of social networking. I had been in this zone where if I would write anything about myself I would feel conceited or narcissistic. But then I thought who cares, I just want to share. Not brag.

So here I am. Wanting to be completely honest to myself. And to you.

So its been a year since I have been totally into dancing. I left my hefty paying corporate job (or atleast what would have paid me hefty amounts had I been stuck long enough) and decided to dance. It was totally a decision from my heart. Nothing planned. Nothing thought over. The pressure of having done engineering from a reasonably prestigious college and giving it all up did not hit me even once. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. It just felt right to dance at that time. I don't know whether I'll still continue to earn through dance my entire life. But I wish I could. Knowing that earning through art is quite like a gamble. If you are good, you earn so much more than you would have ever earned being a corporate, otherwise you might just be struggling.  But I know for a fact that I will dance. For the pure joy of it.

My journey in the past one year has been such a roller coaster ride. I have done so many random things I could have never imagined myself to do. And I admit it has been a struggle. I still remember when I quit in March, 2011, I took a break for a month because of participating in this TV dance show called Just Dance. After I returned, I started taking classes in a gated community and took a job of a part time tutor in a school. My work hours were essentially about five hours per week. And I was getting exactly 12,000/- per month for two months. That has been my peak in struggling. I had although decided I won't borrow money from parents just because I wanted to feel the struggle and make it on my own. My rent, electricity, transport and dance tuition fees costed me about 7k. I managed two whole months in 5k per month. Trust me, its not at all easy. And once I had gone past those two months and grew more in terms of earnings, I could not have been more proud of myself. Its the struggle that I remember most, even now. I have had corporates come and ask me how much I earn now, trying to compare the ROI as compared to the corporate job that I had.  I refuse to answer such unethical questions because if you can see me alive and healthy, I think that should answer everybody's question.

Coming back to dancing, I don't know how good or bad I am yet. I honestly never evaluate myself. Truly because I like to live in the zone where I feel I am still not good enough. The feeling that I have a long, long way to go really pushes me to keep dancing. Like in my dance class, I have absolutely no inhibitions to revise with the little kids who are practicing the basics and repeating it over and over again. My motto is that if I am in a class, let me get all types of knowledge that I can from it.

Anyway, at least knowing that I am better than what I was a year back is the greatest motivation right now.
I have many dreams actually. Things I have always imagined to fulfill.

a) I want to start my own dance troupe and perform. A lot. I don't know whether I'll form a troupe in Bangalore or after going to the US, but someday I will. And I plan to make it a very folk-contemporary theme. I want to use up all the experiences I have had as a folk dancer and blend it to make folksy pieces. I have always believed that folk can make a dance really vibrant and colorful and I love color.

b) I want to own a studio. Running around for space and to take classes has been so much madness that I know for sure that I'll want to own a studio sometime in life just so that I can have my own space. I think its worth the risk of investing.

c) This one is one of my crazy teenager's dream wish. I have always wanted to make a dance video and perform in it. You know the Ganesh Hedge style. Just hoping to do it someday. I don't mind pitching in money to get musicians and the set ready. I just want to do it for myself. For the thrill of it. It might even become a disaster and become a "Friday" type video. But... Naah, I don't think it will be that big a disaster.

d) I want to get really really flexible. I have been a avid follower of yoga since I was in the 8th standard. I remember my mom would always watch me do yoga. Apparently when I was two years old, I started climbing on a Jhula and was doing weird stunts. And thats when my mom predicted that I would become the Nadia Comaneci, the gymnast who got a perfect 10 in the 1976 Olympics. Sadly, that didn't really happen, but my love for flexibility always continued. So yeah, I still practice yoga and stretch. But wish to take that to the next level.

e) I want to finish my Arangetram. I think wanting to do my Arangetram would have always been there in all of my dream lists in the past five years of blogging. I can't really tell how good or bad I am at Bharatanatyam,  but I'm working towards it is all I can say.

f) I want to expand idea and make it into an annual event for performers and all. Long way to go, but who says one can't dream.

Some of my crazier, but less urgent dreams (call them fantasy) are

g) Get a tattoo. This is also one of my to do lists for a long long time . I somehow cannot get the most perfect thing to be tattooed on me. I decided though that whatever I get, I'll get it done on the nape of my neck.

h) Get a bikini bod. I really want to do this before I get old. I want to go to a bikini permitted beach, wear a bikini and just walk. It just has to do with being liberated. I want to grow old thinking I walked on a beach with the perfect bikini bod when I was young. :P

Its a crazy feeling right now, but typing all this madness out is making me feel super awesome.

Oh I forgot to add, another of my dreams/wishes is to make my husband dance during our wedding. Yeah, more about that later.

Yeah, this feeling is super!!! Just to write down random things and feel awesome about it. :)