Time to plan some new year resolutions.. aint it?

One hectic day leads to another lazy day...

I just got up from a nice afternoon siesta. Well, not nice I must say... I kept having these random choreography in mind and then couldnt sleep very properly. But because of yin yang, I got up, danced with my roommates and I became all fine. I thought of meeting Purnima today, but because of being late, I got late. So now I have plans of watching Harry Potter 7 (I know I'm late).
I was a little bossy with the dancers today I think, I'm a little guilty of that. I believe in Karma. Put two and two together. :(

Time to get dressed and go for the movie. Suddenly I'm very happy. :):)

And I know why.
On that note, I just remembered how much I love the books of Luanne Rice. She has a lot fo warmth in her books. I have read only two of them till now, but wish to go to Blossoms, Bangalore and buy all the books available. Its a must read for those who take a minute to cry,and a second to laugh it off afterwards.

You ll get what you want ... When the time comes..

The person knows this one is for him/her. So, Ive always believed in the theory that if you really really want something in life, there cant be a case where you would never get it. The only reason you would'nt have got it because you did not REALLY want it. I have seen people saying , "Gosh , I wish I was so lucky" . But dude, whoever out there says it, hope you realise that you are in the queue of getting it. A) Just REALLY want it. B) Have patience.

Anyway, I lived the day of my ancestors. It sounds absurd I know. But I always had learnt that our ancestors , going back to cavemen used to hunt for animals almost 16 hours of the day. So essentially, all they did throughout the day was to workout, and then come back and sleep. But then the new age set it and lethargy entered in all of us, being content in our umpteenth cup of coffee and sitting at our office desks from 9 to 5.
I had a friendly match with another college in Bangalore today morning, and we were not bad either. I came back , got ready for dance practice for our annual day, and then came back home, changed and ran to run the 5 Km Marathon run. There were 3000 participants out of which I was 6th in the women's category. Not too bad for me. Unfortunately they only had medals for top 5. Nevertheless, it was a proud moment for me to have finished the race. Im glad.

Time to sleep now!!! Long day ahead.
At the end of the day, Im completely exhausted, but proud of myself

Another day of a lost fight with my own self...

Its been a few days since Zufair pointed out a few flaws in me. The same flaws that Ive been living with all my life, something Ive never wanted to have in me. and yet, there are moments when I lose it.
I dont want to punish myself repeatedly for it, because it will dull down my morale, at the same time cut down those flaws, just like how a chain smoker would cut down his cigarettes in a rehabilitation center.

Isnt it so ironic that when I was small, and I would see my loved ones smoking , I would often wonder how weak would their will power be to be able to conquer smoking and just go cold turkey. But now that I look at me, it doesnt seem much different to conquer this flaw of mine. The tendency to lose temper fast, the tendency to feel hurt soon. Infact feeling hurt sooner is a much bigger flaw than losing temper. Feeling hurt is followed by self pity, which makes me feel utterly miserable, dependent and vulnerable.

Like today, I was silly enough to have a momentary lapse of temper with Zufair just because he made fun of my hair. (@Zufair : Openly admitting my shortcoming suggests that I am trying to improve and take in the right spirit :))

And then something as stupid as OT scolding me for not using other people's cellphones to take photos. Worse to come, I actually looked for another reason to be angry at him, a reason big enough that could destroy important strings attached in life. When I look at the bigger picture, I know how much importance this person holds in my life. I can see the effort taken from that side to keep me happy. And I am.


Then for what did I get hurt? Just to satisfy my ego? To prove me right?
I know that someday will come where I dont let anger rule over me.
And the struggle for it has already begun.

So at the end of the day, I tag this blog as "I_am_grateful_for" because I am grateful there have been these two people who have been with me and tolerated me inspite of my flaws.

I really want to be what Russell Peters says (in Zufair's rendition)
"When you look at a tree, and if there was a camera that would take pictures of what is going on inside your head, you should be able to see nothing."

This one doesnt have a title

With each passing day, I tend to believe even more that blogging makes me really happy. After a long , hard day of multi tasking and trying to make ends meet at work, there is nothing better than listening to some nice music and just writing out everything that is in my head. Somehow it helps me clear declutter my mind.

The latest thing that has caught my fancy is singing along with Karaoke on Youtube. I sang along to a few songs till now, my favourite being Yellow by Coldplay, You 're still the one by Shania Twain and Zombie by Cranberries. Zombie just came by chance, I heard our office band singing this song during one of their jam sessions. I loved it so much that I actually went to the extent of making my roommate call one of those guys to find out what the song was.
Talking of music, Zufair just reminded me of how much I am in love with Mohit Chauhan's voice.
So listening to one of his latest songs from his album Fitoor.

My annual day dance is getting me a little stressed out. Its a lot of factors put together, different people having different opinions, not able to find the perfect time for everyone to come and practice .. and most importantly, these practice sessions have been taking out this mean person inside me .
I was a little rude with Psycho today, was really mean with some of the guys who keep commenting on everything and anything under the sun. I feel like Im behaving like a total arrogant b*&%$ when I'm trying to get practice done . I dont like that side of me. And honestly, I think Im not doing my job well if Im not keeping the dancers happy. I feel responsible somehow to make this dance go smoothly. I am not expecting the best dance to come out of this, but something that makes me happy and rememeber it as a performance that I did. So yeah, I feel a little guilty now, but charged up to try and be nicer to people when dance practice is going on.

More on my updates. I have a friendly basketball match with one of the best women's team of Bangalore. God save us. On a fitness note, there is a midnight marathon organised in Bangalore every year. I plan to run the IT run event which is a 4.2 Km run. I just hope Im able to squeeze in some time to do all these things.

Today, I just realised how even talking to some people for sometime and uplift one's mood to such a brilliant level.

And the weirdest part is that I began writing my blog with the intention to ramble along for sometime. :)

Happy Birthday Poki!!!

This one is for my childhood memories, for someone who was always there when you needed her.
People are born with Barbie Dolls, I was born with having a friend like her. She came to Mount Carmel School in Kinder Garten. And since then we were always together in any activity, basketball, dance, name it.. and both of us are there for it. She was always the blue-eyed girl of our class. I always found her the prettiest in our class.

If you happen to catch a first glance, you'll notice that she lives life like a Princess. And that makes me so proud of her. With her 5"7' height, her lovely locks, her beautiful eyes and her powerpul personality, she can definitely give run for all the models in the country. Has an amazing fashion sense, a total diva one could say.

Although, thats what you 'll see. I have seen the real,crazy,whacky side of her. For example, I have heard her call diabetes , "DII-YAA-BATES" and rolling on the floor laughing for it. Thats the crazy her.
We have our set of really crazy moments we have had together.
Some of them are:
Poki has actually signed an autograph for me saying , " This one is my first autograph for you when I become famous. Signed : Nikita Puniani. :)
I know this day will defnitely come where Ill flaunt this autograph on Facebook.
(I still have the autograph on a page btw)
We have read Femina and discussed weird gossip right from how a guy dumps a girl to which is the best beauty secret when we were in the 8th Standard. We were very inquisitive kids.
Our everyday routine would be that we would meet in school together, wait for Recess to happen, have breakfast together, wait for classes to end, and cycle back to my place. And then I would put Backstreet Boys in my cassette player and we would start finishing all my homework. Maths, Science, even Drawing. There was always this competition between us as to who would finish first, and that way we would always end up finishing homework on time. Once the clock struck 5pm. We would get out of the house and play basketball or this crazy version of Badminton Ive never played before. The distance between us would almost be double of an actual Badminton court and we would call it our "Long Range" game. After a long ,tiring game of our "Long Range Badminton" we would get back, wash our faces and dress up like complete divas to go to CTF (Chills, Thrills and Frills) to eat something. Somehow ,she was always fond of coffee. So then we would go to CTF, and we would crib about how there are no "good" guys in Gandhinagar. (Think : Typical Teenage Drama Queens ). Thats what we were. Poki was mostly at my house all the time. It was like another member of the house. And then when she would finally go back, one of us would call and start gossiping again.
Another may to pastime for us was, the moment the clock struck 12 in the midnight, we would have this crazy urge to dress up and also my little sister Goli(aka Pavitra) up. We would remove alll our makeup and start wearing anything that we think is in vogue, and click loads of photographs. This also reminds me of the days we would go to dance during Navratis and get back really late. I still remember this one day when danced till 4.30am, got back. And thought there was no point sleeping, so just changed and went for a walk. But after we got back,both of us slept like logs.
Our terrace gossip sessions used to be another whirlpool of a time. We would lie down on the iron beds that were put there and begin discussing which is the best guy in our class, or which is the funniest guy in class. Essentially, analyse our class like mad people. Not to forget our Bharatanatyam sessions we had together.

We were inseperable.

But then 10th Standard happened. We ended up going to different schools and as a result, to different coaching classes. A period where we were a little cut off from each other, but things became rosy again after I came to college.

She has always been like a cushion for me. There is not even one emotion that I havent been able to vent out to this girl. You know, they say , in life if you have one close friend, your life is fulfilled. I did. And I think my life is fulfilled.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!!

I really miss you a lot. :(

Bucket List continues ...

So I did a few things I never did before..

a) Went to Hard Rock Cafe, Bangalore for the first time. Was brilliant fun with A.K (aka OT) ,Zufair and OT's roommate.
b) Took a tequila shot, with loads of lemon. Never done that before.
c) Had a big discussion on what tattoo to get and where. So, OT and me are planning to go together and get the tattoo done.
d) Helped Zufair decide pickup lines he wishes to use on someone.
e) Drank my highest 7 litres of water in the last 24 hours.

Aint I completely proud of myself?
So next steps. Do look for places which can be explored in Bangalore cheaply.

Talking about things that makes me happy...

Today's plan. Thought Ill leave office early. Somehow ended up getting stuck. Anyway, I plan to go the gym , run for a while, feel good. Get back and make some salad. Blah Blah..
I feel so enthusiastic to get abck and get healthy once again.
Today I realised that Ive been having a permanent bad hair day, so thought Ill start eating multi vitamins regularly and applying oil every alternate day .

Highlight of the Day : It feels truly amazing to see a friend in love. :)

I feel nice...

Its 10.12pm , Im sitting in the office. Dont be surprised, for a change Im not working at night. I left office relatively early today, had a dance meeting where, after too much of discussion I came to my usual bias of doing slow, graceful songs compared to peppy-filmy-bollywoodish numbers.

My roommate Madhavi (aka Psycho) came along with me for the dance meeting.
She somehow had her Monday evening blues, so when we set out of the office, I decided to get the best food and let her feel good at home. Somehow, it so happened that due to some work she had to get back to the office, so I decided to accompany her. With two bags full of food, I managed to enter office and here I am, listening to her while blogging.

I had a nice lunch talk with A.K. And somehow he is right, I should really stop being revengeful. I know that its not going to take me anywhere. I am so proud of him. Somehow I knwo that he got my frustrations out so easily, that I know he will be able to calm her down and give the best advice. Sometimes I wonder, how can someone so young have a maturity of an old sage. Its the combination of the maturity and the patience he has that makes him such a perfect advisor.

Also, Im really proud of Zubair (aka Zufair) who is finally beginning to conquer what he likes. Its just today that I realised his value in my life here. His presence is like a "Chuddy Buddy" which always comforts me. And funnier being me showing my confidence and discussing some non-work issues about him with one of the top heads of my workplace. Either its called confidence, or its called stupidity. I am definitely one of them.

I also felt really good because I read this blog called Ill Seen , Ill Said. The blog about finding the perfect mug really inspired me. Such little details which are so important in life also mean a lot to me. Like finding the perfect mug where one's fingers can fit perfectly. Nice read.

Good Morning - Daily Dose 29/11/2010

I got up today morning with a bad headache, total guilt from saying nasty things last night and as a result with the fear that Ill lose loved ones. One thing that I realised about myself. I can be a complete b%&$@ with other people when Im angry at them, but when I look inside, I know that its me Im angry at. The real reason is actually that I'm not happy with my own life. The feeling of unfulfilment is always inside me. And I desperately need to do something about it. I can be happy with other people only if I am happy with myself. So I just need to take a few baby steps in order to make my life a better place.



First of all, I sincerely apologize to A.K , for being so nasty. You are a wonderful person at heart, and I always want you to have the best in life. Im going to be there with you and help you out whenever you need me. You have always been really nice to me , and maybe for sometime I took that for granted. I am lucky to have you in my life.

Ill try from now to be a nicer person.



I take an oath that Im going to write a daily Thanksgiving message for those things that Im thankful to , or grateful to have.

What one thinks of themselves..

Ill be honest. Lately Ive been realising that what I perceive of myself is a lot to do with what others think of me. Very surprising, since I was the exact opposite of this earlier. I must admit that its a very bad thing as it leads to serious vulnerability. I feel the need to change.

I think this feeling creeped in me only today, otherwise normally Im pretty much satisfied with myself on most days. :) Call it a "Bad Mood Day", but thought of posting it. Anyway, other updates about me are I almost missed an opportunity to play Basketball in Nepal. Sad as it was, but it was a mix of different reasons because of which I missed it. An ankle sprain and no leave granted, put together. Plus, it was a bit too soon. No regrets though.. It was a step. Maybe next time.

My dance for the next month's company annual event is going on at full force. Even with my sprained ankle, Im able to manage a few slides and jumps during the dance. Ironically, Im doing a full fleged hip hop dance with the guys. Looking forward to it. :)

Thats about it for now.
PS : I made another discovery. Blogging about my updates and emotions makes me really happy. :)

To learn from them...

A few things that I learnt today. Always try to get the best out of people around. It will really help you become a better person.
So I already told you about Lavinor Online and how I decided to make a resolution list of my own.
Today I also decided to pick up good reading habits from A.K. He has been a voracious reader since childhood. And it really impresses me to see how engrossed he can get when he starts reading books. I really respect his love for books and the way he has been in a relationship with them forever.
Im going to get pushy to get myself enrolled in a dance class . And get going with Bharatanatyam.

General Updates : I'm really excited about 3rd Nov,2010. :)
You know the biggest realisation I had today? I have this daily dose of caring for people. Maternal Instinct sort of. So I just have to care for someone around. Whoever it may be, but till I dont vent it out.. I feel suffocated. Thats why when I was at home, I vented out all my maternal instincts on Polly by papmering her all the time. Its not always a good thing, because it could easily be of annoyance to people who like living a carefree life, but you can let your care go to those channels in a controlled manner. Till you know they dont mind it.

My cooking spree was on a sabbatical for a while, have gotten back to healthy cooking again. Made khichdi today. Will put up the recipe on my other cooking blog.

Moral of the day : Learn good things from everyone around you.

Need to get really organised!

I feel utterly stupid right now.
Trigger : I have to leave home for Ahmedabad in a few days. So to save a few bucks on the ticket, I decided Ill take a cheap flight from Bangalore to Mumbai and then take a train to Ahmedabad. Turned out I did not leave enough buffer time to reach the station. Worse was to come, people at home found out about this stupid plan, gave me a nice thrashing for taking such stupid decisions, and booked another flight for Ahmedabad (because the flight till Mumbai was refundable). So in the end, I ended up paying more than what I would have if i would ahve booked a ticket from Bangalore to Ahmedabad directly, go a scolding, felt utterly stupid AND I have to wait at the Mumbai airport for 5 hours to catch the next flight.

CONCLUSION : Penny wise, pound foolish

I realised that this was all because of lack of being organised. So inspired by Lavinor Online,
There was a time when I used to think the above blog was my blog twin, but now I realised
that I need to learn a lot from him.

I decided to start making a checklist of things that I need to finish. Its not just about being organised, but also about deciding a few things to do to get my life under control.

Lets cook, shall we?

My new interests, cooking. Just that its healthy, and it aids my fitness.
http://letswhipituprealnice.blogspot.com/

Let there be light!

Breathe.
Feel liberated.
Feel proud of yourself.
Feel independent.
Let it all sink in.
Get up and get going.
Nothing to stop you.
I know you can do it.
And you will.

The journey so far...

So , after yet another long sabbatical from blogging, I'm finally charged up, ready to start blogging again.

So, few of the random attempts and resolutions taken during the first three months at Bangalore.

- Get thinner, jog for at least half an hour everyday in the gym below my building.

- Don't drink coffee at office, especially when you get stressed and have deadlines to meet.

- Don't get annoyed with people unnecessarily , especially when you know they care about you. and you know they care a lot about you.

- Speak yourself out, you know you need to speak up.

- Just realized that dates , and when I say dates, I mean the fruit (no pun intended) is very good for health

- Do one new thing every month, the assignment called "pet project of the month" by "Juna" .. Beginning with learning to solve the Rubik's cube this month.

- Smile, smile more when you are stressed. You know you cant beat the stress, so enjoy it.

So, its been a pretty awesome journey so far. Three months, seems like a lifetime. And I'm loving it.

Its a scary world , but its still comforting.

Just because I feel like....So I will

So I just thought of blogging without a purpose. Just felt like getting back to blogging after quite a sabbatical.
I was just feeling hyper and happy right now. :) Perfect reason to blog .

So Im in Bangalore for the past two months. When I came here for the first time, I felt really alone for the first one week, considering I was the only person who joined from my college. But I was fortunate to have found a very close friend, a bud always there when needed .
Sometimes you think you will be alone after going to a place. But there is always a perfect friend waiting for you .:)

Im just go glad to have found such an awesome friend.
Thanks dude for making my journey in Bangalore the smooth ride it is now. :)

Best Friends Forever!

This is my first post since Ive come to Bangalore. I spent some really wonderful fifteen days at home, pampered Polly to the fullest. I know she got used to being pampered by me, I knew that when she got up in the morning and wanted to do her job, the first thing she would do is to whine and wake me up. I had her regular check up done, the doctor said she is perfectly healthy for a 11 year old.
I am proud of her.

I cant forget the day when I left. Polly stared at me from the gate, with her utmost endearing eyes, her ears all flopped up, wondering why Im sitting in the car and where Im going. I know dogs dont understand language, and mostly she wouldnt have understood a word of what I said.
But the day I was leaving I whispered into her ear and told her how much Im going to miss her. And somehow, I felt she understood .

Nothing gives me greater happiness than when Im with her. When I get back to my accommodation after a hard day of work ,come back and switch on the TV, and when there is a dog movie coming, Any movie for that matter, I look at the dog, the most endearing expressions ,and cry like one would cry watching a Titanic. The other day I was watching Beverly hills Chihuahua and cried looking at the expressions of the dog.

I feel like running back to Gandhinagar and being with her for a while. I miss her more than anything else in the world.

Love you Polly!

Midget or A Giant?

When I was small, I used to come back from school and cry everyday and ask my mom, "Why am I not tall?"

My mom always told me "Big things come in small packages."

As i grew up, I became pretty confident in my own skin. I never took height as an important factor and always thought, God didn't make everyone perfect. He always made them beautiful but with a flaw. Maybe my flaw was my height.

Im 22. High in sprits and peak of my analysis. Ive come to terms with my flaws and strengths.

But I am still curious. Is height an important criteria to describe your superiority over others in terms of external beauty?

One thing as we see, all the models are tall. And they definitely look good. Sexy rather.

So are actors.

Height is associated with sexiness quotient , but petiteness is associate with cuteness.

The preconceived notion of smallness linked with a baby, or rather a child is what describes

the cuteness quotient.

Somehow, a very major part of the society sees height as a major factor for good looks.

Why is it that we dont like seeing tiny people on the ramp?

Strange as it is.

THERE'S A SAYING THAT "HEIGHT IS MIGHT" ESPECIALLY IN BASKETBALL AND BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

HEIGHT WAS NOT REALLY AN ISSUE DURING THE 50'S, 60'S, 70'S AND EVEN IN THE 80'S. BUT FROM THE 90'S UP TO THE PRESENT, HEIGHT BECOMES A DETERMINING FACTOR IN CHOOSING THE WINNERS IN VARIOUS BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

Does the liking for tall people come from the fact that we love and get inspired by the White Race and try to be like them? Right from using fairness creams to having a physique like them, does the fantasy of become taller and using products like YOKO height increaser come from the White Race?

If not , then where is this coming from?

When fifteen minutes seem like a lifetime..

1:00pm, me waiting for my GP viva. Im busy chit chatting with the girls.

Suddenly an announcement."Next batch". I get up to get my file and go in.

Cant find it. Initially i thought its sleep deprivation that caused me not to be able to see things even when they are right there. I asked others to look.

They said, "They cant find it". My batchmates enter the Viva room. I went and told them that ill come in a while. I go out.

Start panicking . Panic at its zenith. 3 hours of sleep.

My file .

All the originals, right from 10th ,12th marksheet, semester marksheets ..All my certificates. GONE. TOTALLY GONE.

I start crying out of panic and fear.

I dont know how ill find it. "Did anyone steal it?" "How could it just vanish?" "Did i give it to someone and i dont remember?"

My viva sir waiting for me.

I cant go in because i have the gp form in that . I suddenly felt what a heart attack feels like. Panic lasted for almost 15 minutes. The worst 15 minutes of my life. Suddenly.. A guy in a white and blue stripes shirt enters. I can see my file in his hand. (*drum roll*) . My heart skipped a beat due to relief and I lived happily ever after. ...... PS: Guess who was the guy?

..

....

......

......

.......

.........

..........

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...............

..................

Mr. PRADEEP KUMAR. :P:P

MYSTERY UNRAVELED:

The file accidentally went into his bag . Hahahaa..Fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime. :D:D

Thanks macha. Im more than glad you had the file with you. :):)

Oh by the way.. my blog finishes 100 posts today. :):)

Getting over isnt easy.. neither is it difficult

I had my drishtant farewell yesterday. We had lunch at ranjeet . and then went to bharat bhawan for hot seats .. after a few hot seats got over, we went to watch the sunset .. that was one beautiful sight to watch.

I could see the hustling traffic through marine drive. I was standing on one side of the lake, with utmst peace and serenity, and there on the other side.. i saw many cars overtaking each other, rushing and pushing to reach their homes/work as soon as they could.

I was just thinking.. How can there be two such different lives on two sides of the same thing??

And then i realized ....Getting over pain isn't as difficult as i thought it to be. Just count your stars for whatever you have got.. and you'll be grateful not to brood over some pain.

I started Tumbling

My new tumblr blog

I like tumblr. I still wont forget blogspot. Because it is 98 posts old. Been with through all the happy, sad, cranky, inspiring and moody moments. :)

Can I live the life of a danseuse?

It was.

It really was the amalgamation of body and soul.

Union of dancer and the dance.

She is Ms.Rama Vaidhyanathan. Born in Kerala, brought up in Delhi, she is 42, but looks nothing more than 20.

She inspired me to the extent that i thought i write something about her.

She performed a dance called "Navrasa Mohana" which meant, nine emotions which are shown towards Lord Krishna .

Bharanatayam is something that makes me forget all other beings in this world. And especially watching true grace inspired me so much.

I was sitting there, clapping, having tears in my eyes whenever she depicted each emotion, every moment thinking.. would I have been even half as good a dancer as her had I not left dance in the 10th standard.

Every thought occurring in my mind..Can i leave my job and just become a danseuse ? Will I be half as good if I only pursue dance in life? How spiritual must she be feeling doing every performance, everything coming from her heart?

Although i know one thing. Even if i never become a renowned dancer,I know for a fact that Ill never stop loving to dance. Its not the number of claps that one gets, its the feeling of moving to the beats of music.. raga.. taal.

Can I live a life of a danseuse?

...

...

is what i thought.

Bohemians that we are

Do you remember watching Adams Family when you were young? Yeah, we are similar. But worse. And we couldnt have been more proud of ourselves.

We live in our own world . We live by our own conventions. We have our own rules. We do our own things. We live in this blissful world of our home.

We enjoy the greatest time spending time with each other, sipping a cup of "Amma's Chai" , opening the windows and let the 4.00pm sun rays enter in. To top it, we have Polly sitting with us on the sofa , listening to our afternoon chit chat.

That is some time that no one can ever replace, I dont think that heavenly feeling of sitting and listening to Pratham and Mumma laugh can be replaced by anything in this world.

How we meet people who inspire us.

You never know when you might end up meeting people who inspire you so much that you wish to get up and do what you really want to do what you love to do, and not what you should do in accordance to the norms of the society. I met two such people. Dreamers ,you would say, they had their own defined principles about life, would do what they want to do.

Also, day by day, my belief about karma is becoming more and more. I would call it faith now.

I always heard people say, "Why do good things happen to bad people?"

It doesnt. Its all conspired to happen for the best.

Just look at it as a big picture.

The most beautiful thing ive ever felt

You know what is the best feeling?When you come up on stage. You feel the lights blinding your eyes. And suddenly , with the start of the music. You hear people screaming at the top of their voices. J

Im smiling right now. Im really happy . These four days of Technosearch ’10 went by without realizing.

I started preparing for dance. Me and my favourite dance partner Indu along with Urvi decided to do something special this year. So we choreographed the dance on “Baby One more Time” .But due to unfortunate circumstances we couldn’t do the dance .I was a little disheartened. Because I hate backing out of anything , once Ive taken it up,especially dances.I still didn’t give up hope. Me and a few really good dancers from the junior batches danced on Iktara. Iktara was cancelled once before, but this time we did. I don’t know how the audience found our dance. But I loved dancing on it. The way all of us moved gracefully to the tunes of Iktara, I felt true inner happiness. All these things didn’t feel like it was done for any competition. Or for any commercial act. It was pure dance. Beauty. It felt beauty inside. It did not think about whether it was better than others or not. Other dances might have been much better, but I didn’t seem to care.I just danced. Felt like I was praying. I just danced because I loved to dance. I took part in B-Tango with my son (Amar Sesma) . J We rocked the stage the way we danced, especially Amar. He was absolutely brilliant. People shouts were heard the most when he used to start dancing.Im realy proud of him.

I also walked the Ramp. Angels of Paradise. We were looking gorgeous. Everyone was dressed like angels. The effort put in, the choreography involved. Everything seemed so worth it in the end. I just walked the group ramp and came. Urvi majorly designed our clothes, after which girls used their own brain to create the final look. The outcome though was beautiful . The way people walked the ramp. When I slipped on to the white one shoulder dress with yellow and white flowers on it, it just felt so beautiful. I felt like the most beautiful person on earth, even without looking in the mirror. Coz I felt beautiful. I felt in from inside. When we came on stage, the feeling that I got when people started cheering at the top of their voices.God must have been there to see me. It felt like prayer. It felt like meditation.

It felt beautiful.

I dont like dance competitions.

Something about dance being a "competition" has always repelled me since childhood. Maybe it is something to do with the fact that I haven't won a single dance award. Or maybe because I just want to dance to dance, not to be judged and compared with other dancers. I think dance is something where its best to feel you are the best. And dance because you love dancing.

Plain and Simple.

Like one loves someone. Does one compare them with others? No.

One just loves them.

Thats why, when there is any dance performance in my college, I just like to dance. But then I dont like to get into the competition loop..

I know people say competitive spirit makes a performance better. But somehow, I cant fit into this concept of competition.

Run not to beat someone, run because you like to run.

Dance not to show you are a better dancer than someone, dance because you love to dance.

Using Swear Words has been proved good fo health

A study at California University suggested that using swear words actually helps you calm down faster. And anger energy is utilized in screaming rather than pumping your blood vessels. So go on!!!!

Let anger management classes get a run for their money and start swearing at the world.:P:P

PS: I hate swear words. I cry when Im angry. You can try that too.:D

Value of Goodness!

I reflect the most upon life when I'm meditating. There is complete silence all around. I was just reflecting back upon my life in the year 2009. This new year I decided I wont keep any yearly resolutions. Instead of deciding to do things for myself, I thought Ill decide all the values Ill inculcate in this new year. My year began with a lot of goodness. And hopefully, I was good to others too. The latter half of the year came with a lot of negativities. I felt from the inside that I was very negative about a lot of people, never understood their perspective. I always thought every action that anyone caused to hurt me was a malicious act of hurting me where it hurt the most.

I was wrong.

I was insecure with my life. I looked at everyone the way the looked at myself.

And its truly said that the way one judges others is a reflection of how one judges themselves.

And maybe I judged myself so much that I was always blank about what to post in my blog. And then I preferred not to blog at all.

I came home after the Surat Inter NIT basketball tournament. I met my best friend after a long, long time. I wasn't even sure whether he still thinks of me as one of his closest. I was wrong in doubting that. I felt the closeness. I was happy. Contented. And suddenly my insecurities flew away to some faraway land. I feel happier now. I got him back.

I thought I had become distant with Popat this semester . She is at home now. She makes me laugh like crazy. Im happy I have her.

Despo was the biggest surprise of this year. After seeing me laugh with him, sometimes I wonder, Can friends ever go away?

And then I get my answer: Never.

I wasnt even in touch with Poki this semester. But when I came home, I roamed with her all around the City. We talked about the times when we were kids and used to hang around and play Pictionary and dance together. It felt like Class 9 again.

And then I realise. That I was wrong in thinking people went away from me. It was me who went away from me. And when I decided to come back, I saw no one was gone. Everyone was there. And then I realised how on-the-edge lucky I was.

So this new year, I thought .. No jobs to be listed in the list of resolutions. Just an attempt to become a better person. And to make others happy.

A year to value goodness.

Forgetful Plans

I thought of doing a lot of things last night. Because of that I wasnt even able to sleep well. Anyway I decided to take things lightly . And I also realised that it doesnt take much time to spend with friends. But it is real fun. And feels good at the end of the day.

Also ..From now on I decided to take more photographs.:)

Little things I like

I like touching dogs' wet noses. And keep touching them .

I like fiddling with the remains in my plate at the end. If it is a vegetable piece , I could use a fork to cut it into a million minuscule pieces.

I like describing an action using sounds. This Ive taken from my mom. When a lizard falls on the floor, she says " The lizard fell.. "Pattth".

I like to look at myself in front of the mirror immediately after Ive cried. I get so engrossed in looking how red my eyes have become that I forget that I was crying.

I hardly cry in romantic movies. But I cry in every dog movie. I cried like crazy when I saw 101 Dalmatians . When they thought the last pup Lucky died,but suddenly it moved its arms, yawning like the most beautiful thing in the world. And lo... the water tank began!

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I like crying. I cry a lot. And a lot. Its lets my grief come out and make me come back to normal.

I like to smell. I smell a lot. I smell petrol , pickle bottles, washed clothes, my hand when there is lotion on it.My olfactory sense is the strongest.

I never like to visualize the end. If i see it, that means Ive lost it. Like when i run a 100 meter race, I never ever imagine holding the trophy. That means Ive just lost it.

I like eating Dairy milk and keeping a piece on my upper palette without chewing it. I wait for it to melt.

I like catching mosquitoes in my hand tight enough to fracture their limbs, but loose enough for them not to get squished in my hand.

Its strange that whenever I end up sleeping more during exams and dont finish a particular topic, that topic either does not come or I can leave it choosing another option I know. And when I dont sleep, it seems like this voice inside already knew the paper and used its discretion to wake me up early in the morning. I can feel it.

I read reading Prevention magazine.

I like mimicking Bubbles's voice (Powerpuff Girls). I like her the most amongst all the sisters.

I like taking quizzes about self help.

I like believing in astrology and feel that I AM truly a cancerian.

I like listening to the sound of flowing water. Whenever I go to a beach, I just listen quietly.

I like singing the Carnatic Music of Bharatanatyam while doing my daily chores.

I like to synchronize my breath with the running steps I take while practicing for basketball.It makes me forget that Im tired.

I like going by the color therapy. Thats why there is red wallpaper in my room.

I like being weird.

The rains are making our hostel pups crazy!

Its pouring heavily in Bhopal. Effects of Cyclone Phyan hitting the northern regions of Maharashtra and Gujarat. Part of the winds coming towards Bhopal and the nearby areas. Elizabeth,our hostel dog and her babies were almost wet when it started raining at night, we went to check whether she was fine. Someone had covered her house (a table) up with used raincoats and cardboard sloping so that the rain water could trickle down . I slept then, couldnt sleep properly though. When i got up, i went to see her.She was all wet,the cardboard under her was damp, the pups were shoving themselves under her, she was shivering and looking at me with those hopeful,innocent eyes. Urshila ,Ritika and me then lifted the pups up and put them in a basket. I could see tension lines on Elizabeth's head. She was probably worried where Im packing her pups away. We then took the following materials and constructed a new house for her:

a)Sacks

b)Flour Bags

c)A Table

d)Shoes

e)Stones

f)Rope

We took these things and made a house for her and her pups. She entered inside and couped herself up in the corner with the maximum amount of sacks. The pups jumped towards her and felt warm and cozy. I felt at peace.

I think ill be able to sleep nicely .:):)

PS: Oh yeah, i forgot to mention.. All the pups have finally opened their eyes. They are those big,black,twinkly,i-love-you eyes.

It was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen!

This is when Elizabeth was a baby.

Our hostel pup Elizabeth finally gave birth to pups. They are so adorable. It was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen.I wish Polly had given birth to pups. :(.

She gave birth starting from 22:50pm on 30th October 2009. 7 pups in all. one died.:( now they are three black and three white.

But anyway ,Im putting up pics. Enjoy!

The above three photos are when Elizabeth gave birth.

The happiest moment of my life..

Seeing elizabeth as a baby. And now seeing her babies.:)

Why I lost the Semi Finals .....

I had my semi finals Inter Branch basketball the same day I was leaving for home. IT/BI vs CS/Chemical. The game began at around 5.00pm. We were on an easy lead. And I was pretty sure we will win. The last quarter began. Unfortunately I already had four personal fouls on me. If I made one more, I would have had to substitute me for someone else. I was playing carefully. Trying hard not to lose my temper. All efforts in vain. We lost. Do you know why? It wasn't my not-upto-the-mark game. It was something else. For the first time in my life, I felt that some people succeeded in breaking my confidence, distracting me to the level that instead of focusing on the game I was busy focusing on how to stop people from saying things. Cheering is one thing during a game, and commenting is another. I know this sentence is coming out from someone who has never let these things affect any game. But amongst the tension,game plan,adrenaline rush due to energetic running on the court, I lost it. Completely. I hated it. And when my heart was hurt, everything erupted. I was dribbling on the court and I heard someone say "Arey akele thodi khelna hota hai, doosro ko bhi khelne do" . I admit I can dribble well, but the second someone said that I lost hold of my basketball. I got it back with some effort again, and by that time I was so anxious and hyper that I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to save the last foul for the last quarter. All the unnecessary hooting and "KP haaregi" ,"KP ka shot nahi jaayega" got me hyper. I pushed the girl who was defending me and took a shot. And guess what? The shot when in straight through the basket . A clean sweep.


But worse was to come. The referees paused the game. The shot wasn't counted.Along with that I was given a foul for charging. My last foul for the game. Last quarter. All gone. I was substituted. The score that time was 9-4. Five minutes left to the game being finished. We were leading. I thought we will survive. I came out and watched those guys in utter fury and resentment. Within two minutes the opponents took 2 shots. 9-8. Within the next minute another shot. 9-10. I knew it at that time that we have lost . I still didnt lose hope. Asked my teammates for just one more shot. Within a matter of seconds, both the referees took their hands and signalled the ending of the fourth quarter.


I lost..



But isnt it ironic that these same people, who had hooted for our team so badly during Sportomania '09 actually made us win?They were the ones who actually motivated me to play so well. You know something? Im horrible at takng shots. My only strong point in the game is dribbling. Otherwise my shots are normally very innacurate. You know during sportomania, I converted 13 shots and 7 free throws ?Guess why? The negative hooting of "7 number haarega" made me truly positive about playing well. I was laughing with pity and remorse looking at them. Because I knew what the results would be. So those set of people were probably the only elements that made us win the game. But this time I lost. I didn't take their criticisms positively. Its my fault. If I could have done the same thing that I used to do earlier, then these negative hooting would be the best motivator for me.

Pehla Nasha (Remix)

I was listening to this song sitting at home, and it suddenly struck me that a dance drama in the form of contemporary ballet can be done on this song. Imagine, the same characters as in the video, one very beautiful, stylish girl along with another girl who is fat and ugly. The theme of this dance drama could be school life.

The point is that, its happened a lot of times whenever Ive listened to any song, it seems like converting it into a dance is not at all difficult. So who came up an idea of "Dance Song"? Every song is one.

Diwali '09!!

ts
Because I wasnt able to go home for Navratri, I thought why not go home for Diwali?So I came here. Diwali was like any year a silent Diwali, without crackers. Polly gets traumatized after hearing the sound of crackers. It reminds her of her German ancestors probably..;)

Anyway me and Goli decided to make a Rangoli to get the feel of festivities of Diwali.

She decided to make The Simpsons as rangoli. Not only because that is her favorite TV series, but also because we have always thought of The Simpsons having an uncanny resemblance to our family. (Hilarious ,I know)

Homer .J : His behaving like a kid at most times, Penny Wise Pound Foolish. Competing with Bart and Lisa, not answering to the questions their kids ask with the right answer, instead.. saying "No LISa, Daddy does not want you to go there".(Daddy)

Marge: Singing along to herself when she is working in the kitchen, an extremely loving mother,does not hear when her kids are shouting out her name. Cannot be very strict to her kids. Lisa and Maggi's favorite.(Mom)


Bart: Spoilt Brat, very street smart, good with gadgets and playing pranks on friends. Fights with little sister Lisa and finds her stupid to believe in institutionalization and formal education. (Pratham)

Lisa: Passionate, emotional, animal lover, pure vegetarian, environmentalist. (Me)

Maggi: High IQ, always on mom's lap. (Goli)

Santa's Little Helper: Cute ,Brown dog. Always near Lisa. (Polly)


Dur to this,Maggi decided to make the Simpsons rangoli during diwali .It turned out to be pretty much a disaster, with me giving outlines in black and my brother in green.




Also, I discovered a few things:

a) Socializing does lighten your mood. Even its on the net.

b) Polly is really a smart dog. There was rangoli all over the balcony. But she was really smart not to step on it, even if it took taking a few extra steps.

Inter Branch Quarter Finals today!

Quarter finals inter branch : IT/BI vs Masters. Lets see how it goes. Just read a mail on faith. Suddenly inspired. Also met one janitor who works in our wing. She told me she has six kids. The eldest one owns a dance class somewhere near our college campus. He has been to Boogie Woogie once and performs on many city shows that happen for cultural or religious programs. The second son delivers pizzas from Pizza Hut ,Bhopal. The eldest son hasn't got married yet because he wants to establish himself . The second and third children are married. I was very impressed an awe struck seeing such unconventional ideas in a supposedly lower middle class family. Its then only that i realised..

You can find creativity anywhere. You don't need money for it to happen.

Phew!My net connection finally works!!!

I absolutely loathe not being able to blog. It is almost a month since Ive posted anything on my blog. Maybe because of work load,sponsorship for Ripple '09 or anything. But its back to be on track. And my god, my Airtel connection has never caused so much problem ever.

Dont have a lot to say. Just that I hope this hostel connection continues to work as well as it is now.

If clowning around keeps me happy...So be it!

One of the little ways to be happy. See others laugh. Even if its at you. I realised being laughed upon is not that bad when it makes you laugh too. Little ways to keep oneself happy.

(Courtesy: Prevention Magazine, August 2009 Issue)

Because the world conspires for it to happen!

"When you want something good in life, you pay a price for it. When you want something better, you pay a heavier price ."

But when you know that you see not a single scenario favoring the thing you want, mark my words, you wont be happy even after you get it. Because it wasn't meant for you to be.

Strive for a particular limit, fight till you keep seeing some ray of hope. But if everything right from your phone to your friends , your family to your work... everything seems dishevelled, it just means there is a signal warning you against it.

The difference between paying a price and getting a signal is that, when you have to pay the price ,you just have to. It doesn't come with an option. But getting a signal does have one.

I had my share of getting a signal .And chose not to.
The whole thing wasn't worth it in the first place ,I think.
Too many fights.
Too many enquiries.
Too many tiffs.
Near-to-falling-out fights with close ones.
Ignorance.
Arrogance.
Revenge.
And then, Polly falls sick .She has tumour. Not sure whether its benign or malignant. I feel numb.Cant understand a thing. Im not sure whether I should stay at home for a few days. I feel so attached to her. It scares me. The biopsy reports will come next week. Hope its not malignant. Otherwise chemotherapy sessions begin. Im sure though its benign.

Its at that moment when I look everywhere and think.. some things can look so petty when seen from a distance.

Some things look so frivolous when you talk about it, but when you come up with a greater problem , you can see the bigger picture.

And it feels so petty and small to even say what the problem actually is. I don't want to feel small about myself when I describe what it is which made me introspect circumstances.

Not thinking about it , I have decided to dedicate this year to a whole list of new things. Things which I didn't/couldn't/never thought of/ always wanted to do. A toast to a bright , new beginning. And for the petty things to follow, what was I thinking when I was fighting with a few people ? Why couldnt I have just reacted normally when they were asking me things/interviews/application forms/posts in the college? Why did I react?

I feel utterly stupid and shallow now. I feel there was no point fighting over something which wasn't worth fighting for. I also realized how crazy mob mentality can make you. I feel embarrassed to write this blog , but I had to declare my mistake. And i finally repaired it. I chose not to. I had always chosen not to. Revenge and curiosity of other people in me made me want to get back at them. I forgot for a moment I needed to increase my Karma points considering the number of good deeds Ive done till now has taken it to minus.

I wouldn't forget that now.

The road less travelled

Im scared. Not scared to death. But scared. I want to know what's best for me. I happened to meet this woman in our flat who had been in the Navy for seven years. I was awe struck by her. And at this point, I feel like a little kid. I feel like thinking about random things right now, a lot of things ...and nothing related to each other. A complete mad hatter is what I feel right now:

a)Join the navy.
b)Become a veterinary doc.
c)Open a dance class for 15 days in Gandhinagar, and teach them a few dance routines. Pocket money.
d)Go abroad and learn Ballet.
e)Take a trip with my mom and sister. Girls Holiday Out.
f)Sleep continuously atleast for 16 hours. And feel totally fresh.
g)Buy a domain name .Create a web site.
h)Collaborate with my mom and hold a dance competition for different categories in the Town Hall at Gandhinagar. Something small but fulfilling to start with.
i)Not to sit for my placements at all. No point because anyway they are looking for coders. Whtas the point of looking for a "backup" just incase things dont work out.
j)Collaborate with my mom and help her open a boutique. I will be incharge of decorating the boutique. Decorating it with handicrafts and artifacts. Use of wood logs in the boutique as seats. Converting our garage into a boutique seems like a wonderful idea. :):)


I dont know why is it that a lot of times this randomness enters my head and stays for a long time. Why is it that I end up deciding the most random things in life and something so monotonous comes on my way?

I dont know what to do. I just dont. Will this realisation ever come to me?Or shall I do everything turn by turn?

And when I dont, I just want to go home. Things seem so much simpler then.
Even without a solution. :(:(

Introspection!!!

Its really strange. I had an amazing July till now. A lot of events unfolded. Some of them being:

a)Vizag Trip: The greenest place Ive seen till date. I used to think Gandhinagar is the greenest.. and I realised my folly when I visited that place. It had some awesome sites to visit, a few of them being Rishikonda Beach, Bora Caves and Aruku Valley. The road to Aruku Valley was the most heavenly thing I had ever seen. For the first time I could see clouds between mountains. Some pictures from the visit are seen below:


b)My birthday: Was on the 7th July. A really cute birthday it was. I cut the cake three times. We went trekking in the evening on the rocks near our office campus. Later that night, a few of us went to this place called Mainland China. It was a lovely place. We had the best food ,best ambience and the cute waiters played the "Happy birthday" song with their guitars. :):). Was feeling On top of the world.

c)Work wise things went pretty well, had my interview today...That didnt exactly go well. But im happy i reached till there.

d)Hoping to get back now. Harsh was the closest friend I made and he will be gone tomorrow. Now i am really dying to get back.






After all this, I sat thinking about why Im still not happy with what is going on? And then I realized it is because for the first time in my life, the work that I am doing is not what I really want to do. .

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And after these two months, Im absolutely sure that this is not what I want to make out of my life.

Back on track..Back to life!!

First of all ,let me jump as high as I can..July is here!!! Yay..

I must be one of the very few people who gets excessively excited about my birthday coming,and one of the rarest to sit with a pen and paper and actually plan it. So here it is,my favorite month,for the obvious reasons. I love this month for a lot of reasons,mainly being loads of rain,dewdrops on plants early in the morning, college reopening,looking forward to setting up my new room , meeting Popat after such a long time, seeing the birthday pics everyday ..again and again.. So many things happen during July. This July is a little different though. I used to spend every year normally roaming around with Amit , going to Cafe Coffee Day and Cool Point , Infocity, Gandhinagar. Used to listen to his talk, loads and loads of interesting ideas,the way he used to laugh like a moron. This year I havent been able to get a chance to sit with him in those places.And I spent these holidays without him. :( Hope to see him when I get back sometime during the later half of the year. One of my friends had told me that he was disappointed seeing sad posts in my blog. So I decided Ill come back with a bang. And yeah, so I am back ,with the best of my zest and zeal. One of the things I decided to do was to make a list of top 100 things to do before I die.

I had succeeded in making only a few,but thought Ill keep updating as I remember. So here it goes,the few of which I have in the making of a fulfilling life.

1)Walk in the sands of the Goa beach,in the evening..watching the perfect sunset.
2)Get a belly button piercing.
3)Make a dance video,and be the lead,with cool effects...using black,white and red.!!!
4)Get a set of professional photographs taken..the style diva for a day!
5)Have a pet organization.
6)Buy my mom a ticket to some place abroad,all by my own money.
7)Adopt a baby.
8)Taste Alcohol once..and see what its like getting drunk.
9)Get a tattoo.
10)Go to all the continents of the world once..even if it is one place each.
11)Start a cultural events academy.
12)Buy a cool NIKON camera ,used by most professional photographers,and take a lot of photographs.
13)See all weather conditions, snowfall,desert,rainfall,autumn leaves,spring flowers.....
14)Visit to a spa in Kerala.
15)Cook a full five course continental meal ,which btw is delicious...all by myself.
16)Do a ballroom dance,wearing the perfect Black gown.
17)Get a huge family picture ,which can be blown up into becoming a wallpaper of one entire wall f the room.



Loads of things happening in life. A cultural programme took place during our internship. One was a classical dance and the other was a Giddha (Punjabi folk dance of women). The giddha went well, but due to time constraints my solo bharatatyam didnt go really well.I didnt have time to edit the song, and my final performance had a lot of disturbance. Apparently the audience wasnt able to relate to it (a few came and complained as well). I was upset for sometime because of some random people coming and telling me things. But then,I thought its a challenge to come up with a performance without any flaws.

Anyway, Im making a trip to Vizag with a few friends of mine. I plan to celebrate a birthdya in advance during the weekend ,wear a straw hat, bubble chappals, and a shell necklace, and cut the cake on the shore ,water hitting my legs. I hope the weather and other things go the right way. Im really excited about making the trip . And Im missing a few people as well. So yeah,in short, this is pretty much what is happening in my life right now. 17 days left for me to go back home. Im happy and sad as well .Made a few good friends out here. Will miss them a lot when I get back. Lets not think about it for now. Lets hope the best for this new month.

Oh yeah, I also sprained my ankle in the aerobics class in the office building. I fell at an angle of 90 degrees flat on the ground. Its much better now. But lets hope it gets perfectly fine before I leave for Vizag.

Cheers!

???

In the midst of being upset, I just happened to see the tags of my blogs,and i realized that I have the maximum tags are of a)Memories b)Happiness c)Change is Necessary.


Why the hell am i losing my cool if Im having a share of sadness in my life then?

Theory of Karma!

I was going to write a post with a lot of vengeance,but saved it in my drafts folder. Because when I was half writing it,I happened to mention about the theory of Karma,which said that if you do bad to others ,it will come back to you someday. So let the punching bag stay in my drafts folder forever.



And i dont know how many times i need to repeat this to make my mind feel better, but if you want something good in life, you pay a price, if you want something better in life, you pay a heavier price.

I dont know what am I having to pay such a huge price.For what?


I still have faith in Him.I know He has something in store for me, because in this world, everyone has an equal share of good and bad. Maybe i had a lot of good,just paying dues for the bad.

Optimism!

I always used to tell myself "If you want something good in life,you pay a price for it..If you want something better,you pay a heavier price". Dont know why i forgot what it really meant. And you know what ,I learnt another new thing .
"When you are failing,atleast you know you are attempting,and that is the first successful milestone youve reached".

I dont know whether Im paying a price for all the good things that had come my way in this year,or whether it is the onset of something good,atleast i know this. "This too shall pass."

Swinging to Songs!

I always have different songs for different moods. I always thought I should make a list of songs that suit each of my moods.


a)Romantic : Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx),I Need You (Marc Anthony), Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden),You look wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton), Teri Ore(Singh is King), Pehli Nazar (Race) are a few.

b)Enlightened/ Emotional : I Promise (Stacie Orrico) , Daughters(John Mayer), Krishna (Colonial Cousins) ,Tum Se Hi (Jab We Met),Viva la Vida (Coldplay), Scientist (Coldplay)

c)Sad/Depressed : Take My Heart Back (If Only)

d)Peace: Flames (Vast),Hotel California (Eagles)

Stuck in the moment!

Raindrops all around,the sweet smelling earth at its glorious best,a lush green carpet bed,the feeling that I get when I extended my hand out of the window,and feel the silver bullets striking through it."Magical" is what I think when I see the marvels of nature.But the greatest marvels of nature could be family. Wherever I am,wherever I go,but i cant help get stuck at the moment.

The balcony,with a lot of pots around...sweet smelling Lilies and citrus China grass,..the glassy money plant with crystals of water falling on the grass. This time,when my mom made the best coffee for me and my sister and herself. My brother would have his standard Chai. We opened all the windows of the house,little sprinkles getting inside. Then all of us,me ,my brother,my sister and my mom would go to the balcony and sit,each grabbing a chair for themselves.My brother and me preferred to sit on the floor,leaning against the wall,holding his ceramic Chai cup in his hand. Polly ,who loves sitting where she has loads of company,also came to the balcony and sat with us,listening to our talks. The hot steaming cup of coffee,that opened the pores and senses of my face,and my brother's talks that opened my mind. The merry laughter, my mother's jokes,my brother's humor, my sister's getting irritated because she was made the butt of most jokes, my laughter at the mere hearing of so many jokes.I used to be cuddling Polly most of the time,brushing her hair. She looked into my eyes,and was the purest. It seems like ages since Ive had a moment like that ,just sitting and talking.

Sometimes I think,everything is racing so fast. I got admission in NIT Bhopal.Started living in another hostel,away from home.I used to look forward to going home on vacations.And this time Im spending it in Hyderabad,again,away from home. I want to close my eyes,and feel each moment with my family all over again.Those wintry afternoons, the rainy evenings and summer nights.

I just close my eyes.I feel it all over again.

Arundhati Roy:God of Small Things

I always liked to read books written by Indian authors,because I could relate to them so much better.And Arundhati Roy proved all my thoughts to the greatest extents.Ive read only half the book right now,but its soo addicting.

There is something about the way she looks for optimism in all negative aspects.
And thats soo true.A lot of times we feel our lives are in dump,but you know what?There will be soo many others whose lives would be in greater pains.So we musnt complain.
A must read for all.

Btw...music lovers: you must lsiten to "Toss The Feathers" by The Corrs.

And yeah,im coordinating a music show on a small level in our office. I dont knwo the ABC of music.But its fun seeing such talented people come together to perform something.LEts see how the preparation goes.

Hmm..Btw Pavitra..this is for you if you are reading this.

I miss you big time.

Cheers!

Detox Diet!

New thumb rule!!

When I feast on heavy,oily or junk dinner..the next entire day should be a detox diet.Which means giving total rest to your stomach to restart . Not eating carbs,having fruits,four glasses of lemon water, and everything light on the stomach.

Apparently,they say,it helps the skin to sparkle if done regularly.
PS-Dont worry.A day of absence from normal food doesnt mean Im getting anorexic.Just means my digestive system needs a day to restart.

My first pay cheque!!

I got my first pay cheque.No...no treats,Im planning in saving it,buying things for my family,and using a little to invest on shares.Yeah,Im going to try my luck at the stock market. Not to earn as such,mainly to learn how the stock market works.

Btw,there is a random Wi-Fi that works from my apartment.I love it!!!:):)

I love my Cubicle!

Im sitting in this dark cubicle,chose not to switch on the blinding-the-eye tubelights,have a table light switched on,listening to "Walou" by Outlandish,making a list of the work I need to finish today.Little stick notes here and there in different colours,brightly shining,more because of the dim lights,a glass of warm milk with foam,my laughing Buddha...random things scribbled on my whiteboard,list of upcoming birthdays...a picture of Bubbles of Powerpuff girls..

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And then I realised..
I truly and whole heartedly.
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I love my cubicle!!!

I am a weirdo and I love being one!!!

Its weird at times.When people ask me the following questions:

a)Whats up with your hair?
Ans: Nothing is ever UP with my hair.Its curly,and so its messy.And i have no qualms even if a leaf gets stuck in my hair.Let the leaf also get a place to rest for a while.

b)What do you do at your internship besides Gymming and reading the newspaper (read:Proof Reading)?
Ans:Nothing...Yeah...

c)Why am I so Loud?
Ans:Thats because Im such a tiny person,that my voice needs to compensate for it all.

d)Oh my god..such big Heels,how do you walk in them?
Ans: Duh...Cant you see Im just 5 feet 1 inch?...I need to look taller....Lemme bear with the aching feet in warm water later.

e)Wooden Chappals..Arent they a bit weird?
Ans:Read the title of this blog post and you'll realise why.

f)Toe ring......ummm...Are you married???
Ans:Funniest..I have no answer for this.Look at the person with a blank face. And guess what?It was my chemistry college teacher who asked me this.Embarrased and a red face...

g) Lady...You have SOME appetite....??
Ans:Why do you think I go to the gym?

h)Why cant I hear anything from your cell phone?
Ans:Oh thats because it fell into a bucket of water one day,and since then,..the speakers are damaged..Not to mention,when i gave it to be repaired,the only change was that the vendor removed the vibration mechanism..So my cell is always on silent mode.and Im still using it.

i)You are so short..and you play Basketball..WEIRD??
Ans:Yeah ,the tall ones roll me up and use me as one.

j)You have a weird sense of dressing,
Ans:Hey come to my room and check out my golden sandals and multicoloured tshirt.

k)Dont you just LOVE making lists?
Ans:Yeah..Check my previous blogs.I make a list of what lists I need to have.

These are just some of the weird things that prove im a total Whack Job..But yeah..Will update on the rise of the occasion.

Loads of things to write!

Its been long since i posted any blog...maybe close to two months.So i decided to break the ice by writing something..So much has happened in my life since then.Its like ,i got my lucky charm. Im interning at Microsoft,and i truly love my job.Its my kinda job. I love the place as well. I want to write a lot about this place and about my journey from then till now.All the changes,all the getting-adapted-to procedures. But i really miss Bhopal,i miss home,i miss my mom and my sister and my brother and dad and Poll,i miss Roobaroo,i miss my "sons&daughters",i miss Popat,i miss my room.Soo many thingsBut enough for now,as i know the ice is broken..Ill be regular in posting blogs daily.One-Post-Each-Day is going to be my motto now.And you know what,typing these words down actualy motivated me to follow it..atleast for today..:).

Cheers!!!

CAN I SCREAM OUT LOUD???

God.....Soo much pressure at one go. Unix,the subject has grilled my head,the final project report,fully bound,with lamination has our guide's pen marks on it.  Reason???Correction in a few errors...God ....750 bucks.. has to be remade. Solution:We will just stick pages on top of it..Result:Untidy report. Too much course for the exam.. Plus the hostel gate closed at 8.30 today.Couldnt go out to meet someone. I am feelin irritated right now,tied down,frustrated...Annoyed is more like the word. 

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Silver lining: The fact that im venting out myself is already making me feel better.  I got the negtivity out.. 

Another advantage of blogging you see..

I still wish to scream out louddddd......once...so thats its all out of my system..

Thanks buddy..this meant a lot...seriously!

Sometimes you feel you are losing out on friends,and suddenly they all come in front of you,back to you,like as if they never left you in the first place. I felt truly special today. And trust me,nothing could have made me feel soo much better than what I felt after talking to one of my really close friends,and btw,im proud to say that i havent lost all my friends.. Im back on track,injured,hurt, but survival is the key to this world.

 I realised that I still have most of my special friends with me,and all this while when i kept crying for the lost ones,i forgot about those who were still there.I have nothing to cry now,ive cried enough, but wont anymore. Im all geared up for my exams now,and i realised that i can study only if i am happy. The friend gave me a lending ear,to all my problems,related to my minor project,exam preparation, exam schedule ,internship help....everything i could get help with. I just felt soo good venting myself out. And now i feel so much more relaxed now. So much contented. I now know how it feels to lose out on people....and how it feels when you realised that you actually didnt lose them.

 Thanks buddy,it felt really great to have you back. This one is for you!!!

The feeling of feeling focussed.

It finally feels great to feel focussed.I seem to have got back on track,with a lot of enthusiasm. Thanks to someone special,who taught me how to get focussed about life and work. I finally know what I have to do after I pass college,and I know what to do before I finish college. The main thing to do is my Arengetram,havent given it up yet. Im hoping Im able to practise during the 7th of the 8th semester,and placement rat race doesnt deter me from doing so. And earlier I was thinking of doing my Arengetram in Gujarat.But now im thinking,why not do it in Bhopal itself?Will be more fun having all my college mates see my dance performance. 

Btw,the same someone taught me another thing.That one should sleep early,get up early,for complete efficiency. So from today onwards Ill sleep before 11,and get up by 6 everyday.

And ya,also that every hour of sleep before midnight constitutes to two hours of effective sleep.So the earlier you sleep,you can make up with six hours of sleep and feel totally fresh the next day.

So go on people,grab your early night's sleep.

Oh ya,almost forgot...the white puppy outside our hostel,who was named Elizabeth by me,got hurt badly on her leg.She was whining,i sat with her for sometime..then went to Mata MAndir to look for a vet,but couldnt find any because it was a Sunday,and it was already eight o clock. So ill be taking her to the doc tomorrow to get her plastered on her leg. I really wish she gets well soon so that she can begin chewing my jeans once again.

Im all happy today!!

Cant believe this unbelievable transformation from yesterday to today. I was all sad,depressed ,vulnerable, lonely till yesterday. I was crying over a lost friend,when i forgot that in return i had got someone in my life who made me forget all miseries. And of course to the rescue he came...And i was all happy and cheerful again. I was in a dilemma for a lot of reasons....work mainly. I wasn't getting a sense of direction as to what i am supposed to do after B.Tech..plus emotional vulnerability of losing out on a friend. I am so happy today,because I tried my level best to get the friend back..and if i think i tried..i will also get something in return. Plus i finally gained focus on what i should study. And I'm finally relieved that I'm not standing in the middle of this crossroad,trying to wonder which direction i should go towards.And finally,i all set to start studying for the thing I feel Im supposed to be.And Im proud of the person who gave me this sense of direction..I love the restaurant Bake and Shake at 10 number. Lovely place,amazing music,nice ambience,refreshing coffee.

I am seriously happy today after crying for hours last night because of the lost friend ...and Ive realized one thing. In life ,

"Good things come with a big price..and better things come with a bigger price. "

Change is constant! Frustrated Ramblings...

The year 2009 has been a year of a lot of change in my life.And as I always say..expect the unexpected. Too many things happened which has led me in a very different world than I normally was. And to be frank..Im not sure how good am I at adapting changes..

a)Internship at Microsoft,Hyderabad.Absolutely unexpected.Especially for a non technical person like me.Apparently they were looking for an intern who could fit into the post of a Product Manager.Not sure how i ended up fitting into it.

b)The formation of a full fledged basketball team girls of of MANIT,Bhopal.. we went to Hoshangabad to play an open state basketball championship and were runners up..i.e reached the finals..god only knows how that happened because we were so unprepared.Didn't have players decided at positions and at the same time,didnt even have a basketball kit...Anyway again the second element of surprise.

c)Sportomania 2009- MANIT inter college sports meet happening for the first time for girls. We won the finals basketball..Again a mystery how.. And seriously we hadn't even practiced ..

d)Lost out on two really close friends from my life because of huge misunderstandings and their disappointment over a decision I took in my life. I did not know ill have to pay such a heavy price for The ONE decision of my life.I still miss them too much,,and waiting for them to come back. Because they should understand that its one thing to take a decision and abide by it and another thing to lose out on friends and feel lonely,inspite of having so many people around. So 2009 made me realise Im a really cruel person who just knows to hurt people .

e)Took one major decision of my life of not being alone. And because I gained someone in my life,i ended up losing two. And this gaining wasn't expected.I was always against this policy ..but hypocrite that i am,i changed it.

f)Room got renovated and house looked really different. Not so big a change but listing things irrespective of their order of priority.

g)In this dilemma in the middle of this year what am i actually going to do in future..It seems so easy for people going for some coaching ,whether or not they are happy,because they atleast striving to work for something.What am i striving to work for?I have no idea.

h)Being scrutinized by some colleagues of my college and people judging me for decisions that i have taken in my life has been cornering me to a very huge extent.I normally am a very strong person but to some level...i get the feeling i can crack anytime...so vulnerable i am right now.

i)I'm happy that the decision i have taken in my life has been treating me well.No complaints at all.Infact Im really happy for that one thing.The external effects of course is taking a toll on my strength and courage,but the decision itself has made me happy.

j)People scrutinizing my decision and suspecting it has again been freaking me out to a huge extent.Esp if it was my close friend. I really don't want them to come to me and tell me that they had warned me and i didn't listen if i regret my decision..which till now i obviously don't.



So basically tooo many changes happening in a person makes her blank about whatever is happening. She is strong about adapting to changes,but wants a few things never to change.Like losing out on friends..Because she really is waiting to get her two lost friends back to her life.Because she really really missed them the most right now. Will she get them back?