Happy 150 posts!

Happy 150 posts to my blog. I started writing on 22nd May, 2008 and I can't believe I was persistent for three entire years. Wow, seems like a really long time now. Anyway, an ode to the posts.

I have ten students now in my dance class, and they are the best therapy for me. Yesterday could not have been gloomier had it not have been for them. Right from the morning, I did not practice well for my Bharatanatyam class, and hence made many mistakes. Previous evening, I had almost got a child to teach an entire dance sequence for a programme, but the family backed out because they realised that the event was meant only for the employees, not their family. After my class, I got back, feeling really exhausted. I came back, made breakfast with semi boiled eggs and milk-oats topped with papayas and mangoes, and started making lunch immediately. As if nothing was bad enough, but the vegetable-mushroom-soya suggets curry I had put to cook got burnt from the bottom. I pretty much gave up and decided that the best thing to do in such a case is to sleep off. I slept for an hour, got up only to realize that it was an hour left for my workshop and I needed to have a bath. But as we are still on the things-not-going-according-to-the-plan scheme, there was no water in my apartment. I just washed my face and ran to the class. And from this point onwards, everything written above does not seem like anything bad at all. Infact right now, when I'm writing those things, I'm wondering whether its even required or should I erase those things. Anyway, I waited for the kids to come.

The kids came in by 4.00pm . the greates thing about kids is that when you ask them not to be late, and come by 3.55pm, they are always so excited that they'll come SHARP at 3.55pm. And the way they smile at you, it seriously gave me another perspective in life.

The perspective that there are so many bigger, better things in this world that we can get happiness out of. And those bigger things come from little gestures. Like a child feeling so happy dancing, and getting confused whether to call you Didi or Aunty. I let them call me anything. Some of them even call me Mam. I'm fine with anything actually.

I got back after teaching them some steps, got back , had a nice warm water shower, dressed up real nice, and went strolling with OT. One of the greatest therapies when you feel low is to get dressed, wear pretty clothes and feel gorgeous. Once you do that, it really makes you feel better about yourself.

I slipped on my purple sleeveless top, a scarf which is black and white and graphics of pink, and a pair of baggy style black trousers which I completely adore.

I've put samples of what it looks like. (Could not find the exact replica on the internet)

At the end of the day, I was happy. The only thing that was missing was my stomach crunches.

On the ending note, I am becoming much better in doing my full flip .

Organizing the mind and redirecting negative energies

Many things to write.

When I cannot put it in the right order, I write it in the form of list. As long as it gets out of my head and successfully put down on the blog, then my job is done.

- I conducted my first demo class for the summer workshop. Plus finished registrations. The best part about teaching kids is that they'll always, always love you. Plus, I got to meet a few working mothers who were demanding a weekend dance aerobics class to get them to move. Its not exactly dance I know, but it totally belongs to my category of Piah Wellness. I have always had in my mind to also do something in health and wellness apart from dance. Give them health tips, teach them different exercise techniques, explain the importance of exercise and good health , not just to look good, but to live longer younger.

- I ran around the whole day yesterday. From an early morning dance class to registrations of kids to printing the receipts . So after all of that being clubbed together, plus after cooking quite an elaborate lunch, I was pretty tired in the evening. So decided to take the time off and not do anything. I could have slept because I slept only for six hours that previous night. But instead, decided to watch some Friends, clean my room, have a nice warm water shower and drink a warm glass of milk. I drink milk or Horlicks in the night to induce faster and more blissful sleep.

- I was really happy yesterday because I ensured I did all the work on time and then slept off exactly by 9.45pm. I'm sure I would have entered deep sleep mode by 10.00pm. Got up today morning at 6.30am. After checking mails/blogs/facebook, I drank a bottle of water and exercised for an hour. After a long time, I have had time to exercise at my own ease and then cook breakfast at my own ease without knowing that I'll have to hurry anywhere.

A plate of cut fruits, oats and milk topped with papayas and two boiled egg whites with salt and pepper. It couldn't get better.

I know for sure that in moments of frustration or any kind of negativity, if we can transfer all the energy into exercise, nothing can be better. We would never get old that way. So my new resolution is to start doing stomach crunches or push ups whenever I feel anger inside me. Lets see how much I can tone up my arms or waist that way.

Feeling accomplished for the day's routine. Finally.

First things first. I just realized that I use the word "feel" a lot more than "think". I guess it has something to do with my INFJ characteristic taken from the Myers Brigg test. So I have stuck a chart on my wall behind my bed which has a time table where I have written that I'm supposed to sleep by 10.00pm and get up everyday at 6.00am. Dance classes in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the rest of the days get up and practice my full flip and aramandi.

In terms of health, to eat one spoon of flaxseed daily, drink 10 bottles of water, 2 cups of green tea.

I made that chart and conveniently ran off to Bandipur. All routine to dogs. I did what we call the EXACT opposite of following the routine. But then, I also got back and got to shape.

And when I say shape, I mean started shedding all the extra fat from my thigh accumulated from the overeating at Bandipur.

So today, for the first time in a long long time, I ate dinner by 8.30. Went for my dance class in the morning, practiced aramandi for sometime. For the people who dont know what aramandi is, in Bharatnatyam the half sitting position with your hands on your waist and legs bent so as to form a V is called Aramandi. That is the basic step of Bharatnatyam. Something like Sa Re Ga Ma of Music. But its definitely tougher than that. The pure shivering of your thighs, the bending forward of the upper body , the excruciating pain you feel directly in your thigh muscles, which screams and says you can do no more.

But thats the catch. Once you go past that excruciating pain, the dance is as beautiful as the effort put to get your aramandi right.

So as happy as I am right now in accomplishing the day's routine, I just realized its already 10.45pm and I'm past bedtime. Damn.

Oh last thing, I got wet in the rain today. It felt so amazing looking at everyone hunting for a shelter and I was walking in the rain and listening to music. Plus, luckily I saw this boiled corn guy so took a cup of hot,steaming corn and started walking in the rain again. Long time since I did that. I know it might not seem like a big thing, but it felt so perfectly liberating. Like I broke all the norms and shackles of right and wrong and decided to go the rebel way.

Time to pack up.

Goodnight readers.

Best time to blog

My dinner is getting ready. The rice has got cooked and the dal palak has been put on the wok. I dont know how long will it take to cook. So I have mainly been travelling since the last time I blogged. A few of us went to this place called Bandipur National Park , 5-6 hours from Bangalore. 2 days 1 night. It was an amazing trip. Which also resulted in me sleeping the whole of Monday. Somehow I didn't want to lose track of blogging, so decided to write something.

Also, one thing I discovered today. When you don't practice for five continuous days, and then suddenly go to your dance class.. Forget expecting appreciation for your dance, it will be commendable if you can finish an entire bharatanatyam item at one shot perfectly without panting.

Fingers 'n' Feet

The summer workshop poster is out. Will blog about daily updates later.

Its finally here. The promo video .

My dance workshop got over. And it went really well for my debut. Hardly any profit in the first event, but at least I covered the cost incurred to the conduct the event.

Right from the choreography, the thought behind which dance step to keep which will be easy by a non dancer, and at the same time ensuring every step could be broken down into segments so that it is understandable.

It was my first experience. So I can still see amateur quality in the choreography, the video too.

No regrets at all. Because however be it, I'm going to continue making more videos. And now, my videos will focus on performance rather than events. For the time being at least.

Plus the promo video gave me quite a tough time because it had been long since I had worked on Movie Maker. Nevertheless. I'm proud of it. Here is my first promo video .

Things left to do now are

1)make a visiting card

2)make a website.

But anyway, glad I stayed up and finished this video.

I finally made a start. :)

Do give me suggestions on how to improve the videos and video making style.

Day 8 : It is very easy to sleep when you have work

And easy to blog too. Just like how it happens for all of us during exams, where we are at our creative best, our health best and suddenly we are worried about our skin and health and the things we want to do that we love most. And somehow, we end up forgetting all about it immediately after our exams are over.

Same is the case with me right now. I need to rush outside for promotion and I'm so conveniently learning CSS and editing an image on photoshop to put as my header. After a tough battle with myself, I got myself to get up, leave those things half way done, ate food and started getting ready.

Now, its raining outside. A sudden respite from the terrible heat Bangalore is getting. Not that I should complain much because I have lived in cities like Ahmedabad, Bhopal,Mumbai and Hyderabad where the heat doesn't seem to detach from the cities. Looking at the weather now, I am getting the tendency to slack off again and go to sleep.

But if I do this today, my workshop will be unsuccessful tomorrow. Lets do this today. Lets finish all the jobs and get some good sleep after the workshop.

The fight starts today.

Will I be successful in getting enough people to my workshop?

Day 6 : Never forget hidden costs

One important advice. When you plan something, DO NOT forget overhead costs.

Also, never ASSUME you'll get something at concession.

Rookie Mistake for the first event I am organizing.

My challenges now are

a) Get at least 15 people for the workshop just for break even.

And no, I'm not thinking of charging more or getting profit, because I just want to see whether this concept works.

So, my plans of conducting this event for two days got pretty much ruined. Finance wise things didn't seem to fit. So I had to push the event to one day for 3 hours straight. I don't know how it will go, and lets hope I break even.

Here is my poster for this event.

Fingers crossed. :):):)

Lets hope I can get a breakeven.

Day 1 : What I learnt . Marketing Strategies

Day 1 My pseudo stint as an event manager. Well, not entirely an event "manager", but more like a sponsorship getter, if thats even a word.

I made a list of all the possible questions regarding details of the event, got it clarified, prepared a budget break up and what we can offer to the sponsors, got ready and headed off to one of the busiest streets in town.

Brigade Road, Bangalore.

I went to around 20 showrooms/franchise/ shops which included places from banks, handicraft items, antique piece showrooms, watch showrooms, hotels, photo studio, gold loans, and I did not even spare government registered emporiums.

To my surprise, I got really good response from a lot of people. The bigger brands just ended up giving me their card with their manager's e-mail address asking me to send them my proposal.

But some shops where I went were totally interested and were really friendly. I never got even a single person signalling me to get out or stop disturbing him or anything.

It was like a nice cushion for the fact that I had just collected the material, and without an agenda or a particular shop to go to, my randomness looked quite positive.

Another thing that I understood in this field is : You'll meet different kinds of people, some may be truly business minded and will ask you " Isme hamara faayda bataao", or people who expect smooth talking like "Considering your product will attract art lovers the most" etc. Also, always remember that if you are girl, you'l also have to deal with over-friendly shopkeepers , if you know what I mean. Essentially, don't take anything to heart, and if you get compliments , there is no need to get offended... Just take it :)

Somehow I didn't even mind those over-friendly shopkeepers, they seemed completely harmless.. and in fact they were really nice people.

I got back, with 20 visiting cards, lets see how "The Proposal" goes. But happy to have a good start at least.

Can get some peaceful sleep tonight. Except if I get dance dreams again.

Early morning, time to get up and get going

I got up a little early today. Even in spite of not having my dance class today morning.

So I have a few things to do for my agenda today. Today's main agenda is getting sponsorship for this programme of my dance class . There is an event happening in July for which I need sponsorship worth 2L. Ive done some small level sponsorship in my college where I did not get too much either. Infact I hardly got anything out it. Thats why I thought I venture in for a few days and see how successful I can be at getting sponsorship.

Secondly, I have my regular dance class today evening. Before that, I need to finish my regular stretching, the aim for being able to do a full split . Shockingly, yesterday after I got done with my stretches and cooled down, and when I sat for dinner, I saw a few scars on my knee, the ones you get when someone punches you or you hit some object very hard. Like a blood clot. It was pretty scary and the spookily the first thing I remembered was the movie "Black Swan". And ouch, the scar hurts a little. But as most experienced dancers say, if you can live with the pain like nothing happened and continue dancing, the pain will go. I am not a firm believer of that in many cases. I believe it works when you have an internal ailment, like fever or cold. But if your bones are damaged, let them rest for sometime before messing with it.

Ironically, the same person who is saying this ended up practicing for 6 hours straight before the dance auditions with a damaged ankle and succeeded in reducing the pain. I just dont understand how the human anatomy works.

Anyway, these days I have got totally obsessed with dance. I dont remember a single night after coming back from the auditions where I haven't dreamt of being auditioned . And surprisingly, everytime I seem to be getting selected in every dream. Seriously weird as I thought I got over the whole auditions thing, got back to Bangalore and started planning of what to do next.

By the way, I am planning to conduct my first ever dance workshop in my apartment itself. I plan to schedule it next week. I need to get a flyer ready so that I can stick it all around my Apartment complex. I am still finalising on he dance style and which audience to target.

Fingers crossed.

Aim for the next one month

a) Learn to do a full split

b)Learn to do a cartwheel

c)Post both on youtube and be be proud of yourself :)

Now that was my first reality show stint

I had been vanishing from blogging for the past one month. Not that I was completely busy, but I chose to keep shut about the experiments I had been doing with my life.

Now that the experimenting is over , at least the one I was in, I decided to talk about it.

So here is the entire story of my first reality show stint.

I had gone home for a couple of days after quitting my job, and my mom saw me dancing at home. She asked . "Why don't you take part in some dance competition?" It sounded like a good idea to me, considering I wasn't doing anything apart from enjoying being unemployed anyway. After looking up on the net, we saw this dance competition called Just Dance that was a TV based dance competition going to be hosted and aired on Star Plus. The Bhopal auditions were going to be held on the 4th March, 2011. I was anyway planning on going to Bhopal to attend the Tech Fest of my college. Anyway, I decided to just go and give it a shot. I had zero preparations on me. I hadn't in fact even started attending my dance classes then.

This is the first time I understood how things work in a reality show, how to face the camera, how and what is looked for from you in a reality show.

Day 1 , 4th March ,2011 : I landed at the Venue, State Museum of Bhopal where the auditions were supposed to be taking place. I didn't have my song edited nor the choreography done. I got done with that somehow. After waiting for seven hours in the scorching heat and realizing that no one else had come to the auditions just wearing a pair of jeans and a black top, I surrendered even before entering the auditions and knew I can't get through. But I went and gave the auditions .. And somehow I scraped to the second round called the TV round. This round was essentially a recording of your dance that they would send to Mumbai to be judged and will come back to you if they like your dance.

22nd March, 2011 : Got the call for the next round of selection .

29th March, 2011 : Reached Kolkata. First round here was called the TV round part 2. Got through that. Second round was the Producers round. I had prepared a contemporary dance on "Kahin To" from the movie Jaane Tu ya Jaane Na. The producers told me my strengths lies in Semi Classical and that I should not attempt dancing on Contemporary if I haven't been trained in it. I clear the producers round somehow. They tell me to dance on a semi classical number. I go roaming in Kolkata at 10 in the night hunting for a semi classical/bharatanatayam dress. Found something somehow, got back and slept off with my makeup on. Did not even choreograph for the song.

30th March, 2011 : I get up at 6 in the morning with a start realizing that I haven't decided the song yet. I make my decision to repeat some song Ive done before and square in on "Iktara" from the movie Wake up Sid. I just put a few Bharatanatayam steps in between so that it starts looking like a semi classical number. I get ready, edit the song and reach the venue at 8. My aim was to choreograph the song in the mind while I was waiting for the judges to arrive. The judges by the way were Farah Khan and Vaibhavi Merchant. And ya, this show is called Just Dance, if I forgot to mention it earlier. Anyway, I choreographed something while everyone was waiting in the line . These people were the 80 finalists selected from the east region which included Hyderabad, some people from Bhopal and a lot of people who had come from the Kolkata first round of auditions itself. Anyway, this round was quite a screw up for me , Ill tell you why.

I had anyway already surrendered for this round because all the people I met there had previous experience in other TV reality shows. And I even watched their dance, they were too much better than me anyway. More experienced, more trained. It was going to be an impossible task just getting out in a dignified way, I just didn't want to end up making a fool of myself.

The moment came for me to enter the stage. I went there and was pretty cool in spite of seeing Farah Khan and Vaibhavi Merchant being there to judge me.

I did my first semi classical performance after which Vaibhavi Merchant said she thought I had something in me. Then she asked me whether I knew some other styles, and then asked me to dance on Sheila. Now because I had just finished dancing on a semi classical, my body was still in that semi classical stage and I ended up dancing on Sheila just like another Semi classical performance to which Farah Khan told me that I might have been one of the best dancers in my region but right now I was not even close for this competition. I smiled and agreed, because I myself knew how much I had to learn . I took that in the right spirit and left with a wonderful experience and a hope that I will become a better dancer, learn more.

And back I am to Bangalore, my first stint in a reality show.

The minor setback that led to a positive me.

Today was essentially an productive day. Well, I wouldn't call it totally unproductive, because even if it began with a major headache, a bad cold and fever, and which was followed by my bouts of crankiness and whining about how nobody cares about me, it ended in me feeling that I needed to wake up and start doing something about my life. I was neatly aware of the fact that I needed to make some changes in my life to make things work. To make myself more disciplined, to get into a routine , to take charge of my life. And till I don't feel proud of myself, Ill always feel that others around me think low of me. The problem lies not in them, but in me. But this problem wont stay for long. Just the time to get up and get going.

The only little thing I'm scared about is the bad karma generated after removing my bouts of temper on others. I know results of karma, be it good or bad, hits me faster than I think. Like a reflex action.

Im not working.. Im whining

I'm down with a bad cold, have been planning a few things for the past few days to finish. Since I came back to Bangalore from an India trip, I had decided Ill take enough initiative and join dance classes and then look for a job.

a) Ive just started looking for dance classes, which hasn't gone very well

b) My portfolio is nowhere near to be made

c) I haven't even chalked out a plan to what types of job to look at. Leave alone applying to any of them.

The few attempts I made in the past few days were all unfruitful . Every night I would come back home whining that things didn't work out my way, but do you want to know why it REALLY didn't work out? Its because I didn't try enough.

You know when sometimes in life, you try something but you already know you wont get it, the effort is less than half because you are defeated in the mind. I dont know why I am having this.

Thats where I turn to blogging, because I know that this is the only place which will get my thoughts together, get my act together and take the initiative, be pushy.

I need to get out of my comfort zone and take the initiative.

And yet again, typing down the thoughts does relax my mind . Im glad

Eight months and a bundle of attachments..

I felt really sad today. Extremely Sad. It all suddenly looked like it was all for the money. I admit that there was a time when I joined here where I felt that they pay me less, but eight months here and a lot of exposure to the work and responsibility really made me feel that maybe it wasn't about the money anyway. Its just been eight months in this place, and I already responsible towards the company. Now I understand why people like A.K treat this place like their baby.

Looking at so many people wanting to leave just because some other place makes me feel sad. Makes me feel why everyone is running after the money. I agree you should change your job if you think your job is not good enough. But to be honest, I quite liked my job a lot. Me, someone who loves having things in action, does not like sitting on my desk, likes dancing, managing events is saying this. There must have been something about this job that made me stick around for so long without complaining. A few days of low obviously were there, but who does not have those days?

I might have decided to move on to explore my other talents, but if anyone with a job is reading this, please remember

Do not try to look for a job that pays you more. Look for a job that gives you greater satisfaction.

Did I make a difference?

I had one of my introspection days today. I think it started because I saw someone in this company who made a big difference to the company. I'm talking about A.K. I couldn't be happier and more proud of him when a colleague of mine came and told me how much he has heard about his work in this company. I have always known A.K to be a very hard worker and he is sincere in whatever he does. Just like the Bhagvad Gita says that Duty always comes first, he is a firm believer of it. So this guy I was talking to was all praises about A.K and how he contributed a lot to the company.

Its just that at that moment when I was feeling so happy and proud of him, I kept having this recurring thought... How much did I contribute to the company? Did I make any difference in these 8 months that I was here to anyone/anything?

I know I have decided to go ahead with my plans of doing what I like to do. But I was just very thoughtful today.I think all of us, to some extent want to feel important. Want to make a difference. Want to feel valued. Its not just about the importance you might get from the people around you, but I think its essential for oneself. One needs to feel proud of themselves, and not feel like another couch potato whose being or not being did not make any difference to those around you.

I think a few things are important for the well being and constant morale boost of every individual.

Ask yourself this.

Did your presence cause impact of any sort to your company?

Honestly, I don't have an answer for myself for this question . I really want to believe that I did cause some difference to the company. I know I might not have. But I know I want to make a difference wherever I am.

No qualms, its always a new beginning.

I took the plunge!!!

There are going to be big changes in my life. Im not sure how prepared I am for it.

I resigned.

Ya, I know its shocking. But I just resigned. I knew this was not what I wanted to do all my life.

Another month in this company and I'm off, to discover all the hidden ways to happiness in life.

Lets see what I have in my platter, I'm going to try my luck at event management, begin with my dance and finish the aim of finishing Arangetram by the time I'm 25 (That might stretch I know, but lets see how fast I can do it). Apart from this, I'm really in the mood to experiment a lot of random things like planning a fitness center, trying out Yoga/Dance Aerobics.

This comes as a shocker for most people around me because whenever I tell them I quit this company, the first question I'm asked is "Which company did you shift to?" or "Which company are you going to?".

Somehow me telling them "I'm not going anywhere, I am just taking a break from this hustle-bustle and then trying my luck out at other things" is taken with a pinch of shock. Although, there have been a lot of my friends who couldn't be happier for me because I took this risk, but there is a set of people who think its not a very good idea.

Whether its a good idea or not, only time can tell. I want to know from life whether its just money that can buy you happiness or the satisfaction of what you do. I have taken the plunge, I quit my job. I'm all on my own. Ready to face the world. Now whether the world kicks me or embraces me in its arms is something I am yet to figure out.

Good luck to me!!!

Confessions of a Shopaholic!!!

I must went a little overboard I must say. But I have no regrets whatsoever. :)

These are some of the things that I bought during the New year Eve.

Twas a very good day...

The first half didn't go that well because of my laziness. But second half compensated for it all.

Did a few things :

Called up the dance class. Not luck on that front yet.

Bought a cot finally.

Put curtains in my room.

Bought a lot of food stuff for the week.

Cleaned my room completely.

Got my shoes repaired.

Thats quite a lot of stuff for today.

I'm too sleepy now, so will write about my day in detail tomorrow, hopefully after getting back from office.

Monday tomorrow, I'm sure the Monday Morning Blues are going to hit me again. Need to crack it by getting up and going to the gym.

Thats all from my end for the day.

Oh before I go..

Health Tip of the Day : Fenugreek (Methi) is the best cure for hair fall. Just start having the water in which fenugreek seeds are soaked overnight. I might be buying fenugreek in a few days. Will post updates about how effective it is for my hair.

A bright, new, happy 2011 !!!

I have so many things to write today. So I went about it by jotting down all the points I wanted to write before I forget. This substantiates the fact of my fetish for making lists.

I had a very happy New Year's Eve party last night. I danced like crazy. And suddenly I realized that its the most fun thing dancing with A.K. Everything suddenly becomes bliss. I know he is not a big fan of dancing. But I also know that he doesn't mind dancing once in a while with me. I was just a little worried towards the end because Popat became unwell. Also that I lost my clutch that had my debit card and my license. (Zufair : I know. This must be making you really happy. This is still nothing compared to the four cards you lost in six months)

Still, somehow these little roadblocks didn't stop me from feeling happy about the New Year Eve party. I think because it had a lot to do with the fact that I had all my close ones in Bangalore (Zufair was missing though :(..I wish he had been there too.) , the blissful dance with A.K and the final countdown to 2011. Honestly, after that precious moment when the crowds shouted "5..4..3..2..1", I became so emotional that I started crying. It just takes a drop of the hat for my tears to start rolling.

On this note, I want to make a special mention of A.K who has made my journey in Bangalore really special. Sometimes in life you need a cushion, to fall back on when you know the world slaps you with a hard hand. I have so much faith in him, because I know I have him in my life. There is immense happiness and tonnes of happy tears when I'm with him. I'm so glad that there's been a great beginning for 2011. I'm so glad that even the little fights we have had has never let me stop seeing the big picture, and realize there are more important things in life than winning some petty fight. And as I mentioned before, I've never loved dancing with anyone as much I have loved dancing with you.

This New Year Eve party involved me doing a lot of shopping. I have A.K's Canon Powershot SX110 IS which is THE best thing I could have in my hand. I took pictures of all the dresses and shoes that I bought. Will upload once I get the data cable from him. Also, along with those dresses, I suddenly got the mood to try out different styles of clothing from whatever I have in my wardrobe. How it all started was, I was watching these "How to dress in Style" videos on youtube.com. And seeing these girls team up simple t-shirts with belts and looking like style icons inspired me to do the same. Fortunately, I succeeded in creating one top-jeans-shoes-belt combination which looked pretty good. Anyway, I clicked pictures of me wearing them.

Adding to my list of things that I need to do in the next two days includes inquiring about my lost clutch, my lost driver's license, and getting a new debit card. I'll be joining dance classes soon.

Adding to the New Year resolution list :

1)Get a professional photoshoot.

2)Dont let people treat you like a pushover(Learn to be firm and ward unwanted people away).

Music I'm listening to :Beyonce, Irreplacable (Spanish version)

Book I'm reading : Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger

Weird Fact of the Day : When you type "add" in T9 on your mobile, the first word that it gives you is "bed". ( I don't know how "bed" is a more common word than "add"... Don't want to think deeper into this though. (chuckle))

Health Tip I just learned : Just found out that lycopene, found in tomatoes are absorbed in the body only if you take in with a little amount of fat. The best suggestion is to add a little olive oil to the salad. Time to buy Olive Oil I think.

Also, I oiled and steamed my hair. Lately I have been having more bad hair days than good ones. Soon , I plan to visit the dentist and the dermatologist to get myself checked.

Finally, I'm taking this moment to thank all the people who were there for me in 2010. In no particular order :Zubair ,Urvi, Alfan, Prerna, Amar, Indu, Animesh, Amit, Farah, Vivek, PU, Tirus, Smriti, Sonali, Harsh Mishra, GT, Pratham, Goli, Polly, Mom and Dad, Abhishek,juniors like Monika, Rakesh, Manju, the gujjus Amit, Megha(the biggest Gunti), Rekha (the biggest Drama Queen)..the IT Folks : Nandu, Chansal, Apurva, YK, Ritika and others, my basketball team: Sarita, Rachna, Siddhant, Rekha and all the others in the girls and guys team, Work people like Kranthi, Anup, Supriya, Madhavi, Komal, Jigisha, Madhurita, Ramya, Komal, Renjit, Vimmy, Eswar, Sumesh,my blog twin Anurag aka Lavinor.

And finally A.K... for giving me all the happiness I ever wanted.

(I apologize if I forgot a few names.. It might just mean that you were very important but always there.. so didn't click in my head)

New Year Resolutions..

This might not be the entire list. But just the few that I decided to put up :

1. To take a pledge to donate all my body organs that can be donated after I pass away. (Its a grieving resolution, but I thought why not help someone else after I am gone?)
2. To decide what tattoo to get and get it before 2011.
3. To read one book every fortnight. That way, to read 24 books in 2011. And add a (+1) to make it my lucky number. Makes it 25 books in 2011.
4. Stop procrastinating. This is a resolution I keep every year, but fail to stick to it.
5. Get going on Bharatanatyam . I suddenly realised I have only one and a half years to complete my aim of doing an Arangetram before I turn 25. Atleast let me start now, if not 25 , Ill still do it someday.

Will fill in some more that are to come by tomorrow.
Happy New Year all of you!!! :):) Stop drinking and getting slaushed this New Year Eve. Wake up early morning, and get ready to kick start a bright, new morning. :)

Now I understand what an awkward situation means...

Funny as it may sound, but feeling out of place in a huge crowd of people can be the worst feeling..

I had the exact same feeling a while ago.
I went out with a couple of friends of the one because of whom I went. They were four in all. The worst part is because they all know each other really well, and their conversation involved a lot of internal talks. The worst part was , the person who was common to both me and them didnt seem to help either. So at the end of it, I was just sitting and listening to what they were talking, half of which I didnt comprehend because it involved some internal joke or some incident that I'm not aware of. It really disgusted me to the core.
It was a cold, dark night. 11.00 o clock in the night. Chilly winter. I was wearing that person's pyjamas and a T-Shirt, looking nothing better than a mad woman walking on the streets in loose clothes and unkept hair, my cheeks were red because of a lot of exercise I had done, my Kajal was spread across my under eye bags, making me look like a total unkept, ungroomed psychopath. Anyway, I wasnt even totally over the pain of entering a posh coffee shop looking like a total hag, than I realised that worse was to come.
To fake smile is something I have learnt from stage performances. But to fake smile when you are not understanding what the hell is happening for almost an hour and a half was the biggest test of my life.

More than test, somehow it began to annoy me a little towards the end. They aren't bad people I'm sure. Its just the feeling of feeling stupid and awkward in a situation that made me feel really weird.

But I must admit this too. Venting this random feeling out was the first step of conquering it. I already feel much better now. And my list of new year resolutions is almost out. I know I wont have time to blog tomorrow as Ill be busy getting dressed for the New Year Eve Party. So Im thinking why not blog my list today itself. Already feeling in the wonderful mood right now. :)

Why I am vulnerable right now...

I decided to reflect upon my life.. Pre Bangalore vs Post Bangalore. And see where I am going. And how has it been for me till date.

Firstly I'm going to list down all the things I feel or the traits which are currently there.

- I get happy very fast too.

- I feel lonely very fast nowadays.

- And the past two feelings suggest I have been getting very vulnerable.

I just talked to Popat and realized that this vulnerability is nothing but parting sadness. And the real problem here is that I miss people after spending good quality time with him, but get really irritated if I feel they don't miss me enough. I think people are different. And we just have to understand that different people are made differently.

Anyway, I need to uplift my mood so that I can work upon my New Year Resolutions as well as the long list of work to be finished.

Feeling Blue.. Maybe because once you get a burst of happiness and back home, you want some more!!!

Time to sleep it off and forget about it.

I love Simpsons!

I love every character in that show. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa , Maggie , Santa's Little Helper. The entire family is super cute!!!

I did not get to blog much since my dance. Blame it on my dance a little though. Oh btw, while we are on it, lemme tell you that I was very very disappointed with my dance. Not because there was no synchronization in the dancers, but the concept itself was something I didnt enjoy right from the beginning. So the problem is that there are two schools of thought.

1) People who think that just by playing the audience's favourite song one can pass off any dance.

2) People see dance only for the dance, not for the music.

I agree I may be the biggest extreme of the latter (which again is not a good thing), but there were people who swore by the former. And because of majority, I gave in. Anyway, as long as I had something to work for, I am happy.

On the Simpsons note, this show gets out all my maternal instincts. You know its weird, but I really think I can take care of little ones well. I think the best indication how you ll be with your kid is by seeing how you keep your pet dog. And I thoroughly pamper Polly, to the extent of spoiling her.

Looking forward for this weekend, explore Cochin.

Winters make me real sleepy, and I have food cravings all the time. But I love to sleep during winters. After getting back from Cochin though, I plan to decorate my room in pretty twinkly lights and finalize my 2011 list. Lets see how it goes.

@Lavinor : Ill make the list before 2011 starts, for sure.

Time to plan some new year resolutions.. aint it?

One hectic day leads to another lazy day...

I just got up from a nice afternoon siesta. Well, not nice I must say... I kept having these random choreography in mind and then couldnt sleep very properly. But because of yin yang, I got up, danced with my roommates and I became all fine. I thought of meeting Purnima today, but because of being late, I got late. So now I have plans of watching Harry Potter 7 (I know I'm late).
I was a little bossy with the dancers today I think, I'm a little guilty of that. I believe in Karma. Put two and two together. :(

Time to get dressed and go for the movie. Suddenly I'm very happy. :):)

And I know why.
On that note, I just remembered how much I love the books of Luanne Rice. She has a lot fo warmth in her books. I have read only two of them till now, but wish to go to Blossoms, Bangalore and buy all the books available. Its a must read for those who take a minute to cry,and a second to laugh it off afterwards.

You ll get what you want ... When the time comes..

The person knows this one is for him/her. So, Ive always believed in the theory that if you really really want something in life, there cant be a case where you would never get it. The only reason you would'nt have got it because you did not REALLY want it. I have seen people saying , "Gosh , I wish I was so lucky" . But dude, whoever out there says it, hope you realise that you are in the queue of getting it. A) Just REALLY want it. B) Have patience.

Anyway, I lived the day of my ancestors. It sounds absurd I know. But I always had learnt that our ancestors , going back to cavemen used to hunt for animals almost 16 hours of the day. So essentially, all they did throughout the day was to workout, and then come back and sleep. But then the new age set it and lethargy entered in all of us, being content in our umpteenth cup of coffee and sitting at our office desks from 9 to 5.
I had a friendly match with another college in Bangalore today morning, and we were not bad either. I came back , got ready for dance practice for our annual day, and then came back home, changed and ran to run the 5 Km Marathon run. There were 3000 participants out of which I was 6th in the women's category. Not too bad for me. Unfortunately they only had medals for top 5. Nevertheless, it was a proud moment for me to have finished the race. Im glad.

Time to sleep now!!! Long day ahead.
At the end of the day, Im completely exhausted, but proud of myself

Another day of a lost fight with my own self...

Its been a few days since Zufair pointed out a few flaws in me. The same flaws that Ive been living with all my life, something Ive never wanted to have in me. and yet, there are moments when I lose it.
I dont want to punish myself repeatedly for it, because it will dull down my morale, at the same time cut down those flaws, just like how a chain smoker would cut down his cigarettes in a rehabilitation center.

Isnt it so ironic that when I was small, and I would see my loved ones smoking , I would often wonder how weak would their will power be to be able to conquer smoking and just go cold turkey. But now that I look at me, it doesnt seem much different to conquer this flaw of mine. The tendency to lose temper fast, the tendency to feel hurt soon. Infact feeling hurt sooner is a much bigger flaw than losing temper. Feeling hurt is followed by self pity, which makes me feel utterly miserable, dependent and vulnerable.

Like today, I was silly enough to have a momentary lapse of temper with Zufair just because he made fun of my hair. (@Zufair : Openly admitting my shortcoming suggests that I am trying to improve and take in the right spirit :))

And then something as stupid as OT scolding me for not using other people's cellphones to take photos. Worse to come, I actually looked for another reason to be angry at him, a reason big enough that could destroy important strings attached in life. When I look at the bigger picture, I know how much importance this person holds in my life. I can see the effort taken from that side to keep me happy. And I am.


Then for what did I get hurt? Just to satisfy my ego? To prove me right?
I know that someday will come where I dont let anger rule over me.
And the struggle for it has already begun.

So at the end of the day, I tag this blog as "I_am_grateful_for" because I am grateful there have been these two people who have been with me and tolerated me inspite of my flaws.

I really want to be what Russell Peters says (in Zufair's rendition)
"When you look at a tree, and if there was a camera that would take pictures of what is going on inside your head, you should be able to see nothing."

This one doesnt have a title

With each passing day, I tend to believe even more that blogging makes me really happy. After a long , hard day of multi tasking and trying to make ends meet at work, there is nothing better than listening to some nice music and just writing out everything that is in my head. Somehow it helps me clear declutter my mind.

The latest thing that has caught my fancy is singing along with Karaoke on Youtube. I sang along to a few songs till now, my favourite being Yellow by Coldplay, You 're still the one by Shania Twain and Zombie by Cranberries. Zombie just came by chance, I heard our office band singing this song during one of their jam sessions. I loved it so much that I actually went to the extent of making my roommate call one of those guys to find out what the song was.
Talking of music, Zufair just reminded me of how much I am in love with Mohit Chauhan's voice.
So listening to one of his latest songs from his album Fitoor.

My annual day dance is getting me a little stressed out. Its a lot of factors put together, different people having different opinions, not able to find the perfect time for everyone to come and practice .. and most importantly, these practice sessions have been taking out this mean person inside me .
I was a little rude with Psycho today, was really mean with some of the guys who keep commenting on everything and anything under the sun. I feel like Im behaving like a total arrogant b*&%$ when I'm trying to get practice done . I dont like that side of me. And honestly, I think Im not doing my job well if Im not keeping the dancers happy. I feel responsible somehow to make this dance go smoothly. I am not expecting the best dance to come out of this, but something that makes me happy and rememeber it as a performance that I did. So yeah, I feel a little guilty now, but charged up to try and be nicer to people when dance practice is going on.

More on my updates. I have a friendly basketball match with one of the best women's team of Bangalore. God save us. On a fitness note, there is a midnight marathon organised in Bangalore every year. I plan to run the IT run event which is a 4.2 Km run. I just hope Im able to squeeze in some time to do all these things.

Today, I just realised how even talking to some people for sometime and uplift one's mood to such a brilliant level.

And the weirdest part is that I began writing my blog with the intention to ramble along for sometime. :)

Happy Birthday Poki!!!

This one is for my childhood memories, for someone who was always there when you needed her.
People are born with Barbie Dolls, I was born with having a friend like her. She came to Mount Carmel School in Kinder Garten. And since then we were always together in any activity, basketball, dance, name it.. and both of us are there for it. She was always the blue-eyed girl of our class. I always found her the prettiest in our class.

If you happen to catch a first glance, you'll notice that she lives life like a Princess. And that makes me so proud of her. With her 5"7' height, her lovely locks, her beautiful eyes and her powerpul personality, she can definitely give run for all the models in the country. Has an amazing fashion sense, a total diva one could say.

Although, thats what you 'll see. I have seen the real,crazy,whacky side of her. For example, I have heard her call diabetes , "DII-YAA-BATES" and rolling on the floor laughing for it. Thats the crazy her.
We have our set of really crazy moments we have had together.
Some of them are:
Poki has actually signed an autograph for me saying , " This one is my first autograph for you when I become famous. Signed : Nikita Puniani. :)
I know this day will defnitely come where Ill flaunt this autograph on Facebook.
(I still have the autograph on a page btw)
We have read Femina and discussed weird gossip right from how a guy dumps a girl to which is the best beauty secret when we were in the 8th Standard. We were very inquisitive kids.
Our everyday routine would be that we would meet in school together, wait for Recess to happen, have breakfast together, wait for classes to end, and cycle back to my place. And then I would put Backstreet Boys in my cassette player and we would start finishing all my homework. Maths, Science, even Drawing. There was always this competition between us as to who would finish first, and that way we would always end up finishing homework on time. Once the clock struck 5pm. We would get out of the house and play basketball or this crazy version of Badminton Ive never played before. The distance between us would almost be double of an actual Badminton court and we would call it our "Long Range" game. After a long ,tiring game of our "Long Range Badminton" we would get back, wash our faces and dress up like complete divas to go to CTF (Chills, Thrills and Frills) to eat something. Somehow ,she was always fond of coffee. So then we would go to CTF, and we would crib about how there are no "good" guys in Gandhinagar. (Think : Typical Teenage Drama Queens ). Thats what we were. Poki was mostly at my house all the time. It was like another member of the house. And then when she would finally go back, one of us would call and start gossiping again.
Another may to pastime for us was, the moment the clock struck 12 in the midnight, we would have this crazy urge to dress up and also my little sister Goli(aka Pavitra) up. We would remove alll our makeup and start wearing anything that we think is in vogue, and click loads of photographs. This also reminds me of the days we would go to dance during Navratis and get back really late. I still remember this one day when danced till 4.30am, got back. And thought there was no point sleeping, so just changed and went for a walk. But after we got back,both of us slept like logs.
Our terrace gossip sessions used to be another whirlpool of a time. We would lie down on the iron beds that were put there and begin discussing which is the best guy in our class, or which is the funniest guy in class. Essentially, analyse our class like mad people. Not to forget our Bharatanatyam sessions we had together.

We were inseperable.

But then 10th Standard happened. We ended up going to different schools and as a result, to different coaching classes. A period where we were a little cut off from each other, but things became rosy again after I came to college.

She has always been like a cushion for me. There is not even one emotion that I havent been able to vent out to this girl. You know, they say , in life if you have one close friend, your life is fulfilled. I did. And I think my life is fulfilled.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!!

I really miss you a lot. :(

Bucket List continues ...

So I did a few things I never did before..

a) Went to Hard Rock Cafe, Bangalore for the first time. Was brilliant fun with A.K (aka OT) ,Zufair and OT's roommate.
b) Took a tequila shot, with loads of lemon. Never done that before.
c) Had a big discussion on what tattoo to get and where. So, OT and me are planning to go together and get the tattoo done.
d) Helped Zufair decide pickup lines he wishes to use on someone.
e) Drank my highest 7 litres of water in the last 24 hours.

Aint I completely proud of myself?
So next steps. Do look for places which can be explored in Bangalore cheaply.

Talking about things that makes me happy...

Today's plan. Thought Ill leave office early. Somehow ended up getting stuck. Anyway, I plan to go the gym , run for a while, feel good. Get back and make some salad. Blah Blah..
I feel so enthusiastic to get abck and get healthy once again.
Today I realised that Ive been having a permanent bad hair day, so thought Ill start eating multi vitamins regularly and applying oil every alternate day .

Highlight of the Day : It feels truly amazing to see a friend in love. :)

I feel nice...

Its 10.12pm , Im sitting in the office. Dont be surprised, for a change Im not working at night. I left office relatively early today, had a dance meeting where, after too much of discussion I came to my usual bias of doing slow, graceful songs compared to peppy-filmy-bollywoodish numbers.

My roommate Madhavi (aka Psycho) came along with me for the dance meeting.
She somehow had her Monday evening blues, so when we set out of the office, I decided to get the best food and let her feel good at home. Somehow, it so happened that due to some work she had to get back to the office, so I decided to accompany her. With two bags full of food, I managed to enter office and here I am, listening to her while blogging.

I had a nice lunch talk with A.K. And somehow he is right, I should really stop being revengeful. I know that its not going to take me anywhere. I am so proud of him. Somehow I knwo that he got my frustrations out so easily, that I know he will be able to calm her down and give the best advice. Sometimes I wonder, how can someone so young have a maturity of an old sage. Its the combination of the maturity and the patience he has that makes him such a perfect advisor.

Also, Im really proud of Zubair (aka Zufair) who is finally beginning to conquer what he likes. Its just today that I realised his value in my life here. His presence is like a "Chuddy Buddy" which always comforts me. And funnier being me showing my confidence and discussing some non-work issues about him with one of the top heads of my workplace. Either its called confidence, or its called stupidity. I am definitely one of them.

I also felt really good because I read this blog called Ill Seen , Ill Said. The blog about finding the perfect mug really inspired me. Such little details which are so important in life also mean a lot to me. Like finding the perfect mug where one's fingers can fit perfectly. Nice read.

Good Morning - Daily Dose 29/11/2010

I got up today morning with a bad headache, total guilt from saying nasty things last night and as a result with the fear that Ill lose loved ones. One thing that I realised about myself. I can be a complete b%&$@ with other people when Im angry at them, but when I look inside, I know that its me Im angry at. The real reason is actually that I'm not happy with my own life. The feeling of unfulfilment is always inside me. And I desperately need to do something about it. I can be happy with other people only if I am happy with myself. So I just need to take a few baby steps in order to make my life a better place.



First of all, I sincerely apologize to A.K , for being so nasty. You are a wonderful person at heart, and I always want you to have the best in life. Im going to be there with you and help you out whenever you need me. You have always been really nice to me , and maybe for sometime I took that for granted. I am lucky to have you in my life.

Ill try from now to be a nicer person.



I take an oath that Im going to write a daily Thanksgiving message for those things that Im thankful to , or grateful to have.

What one thinks of themselves..

Ill be honest. Lately Ive been realising that what I perceive of myself is a lot to do with what others think of me. Very surprising, since I was the exact opposite of this earlier. I must admit that its a very bad thing as it leads to serious vulnerability. I feel the need to change.

I think this feeling creeped in me only today, otherwise normally Im pretty much satisfied with myself on most days. :) Call it a "Bad Mood Day", but thought of posting it. Anyway, other updates about me are I almost missed an opportunity to play Basketball in Nepal. Sad as it was, but it was a mix of different reasons because of which I missed it. An ankle sprain and no leave granted, put together. Plus, it was a bit too soon. No regrets though.. It was a step. Maybe next time.

My dance for the next month's company annual event is going on at full force. Even with my sprained ankle, Im able to manage a few slides and jumps during the dance. Ironically, Im doing a full fleged hip hop dance with the guys. Looking forward to it. :)

Thats about it for now.
PS : I made another discovery. Blogging about my updates and emotions makes me really happy. :)

To learn from them...

A few things that I learnt today. Always try to get the best out of people around. It will really help you become a better person.
So I already told you about Lavinor Online and how I decided to make a resolution list of my own.
Today I also decided to pick up good reading habits from A.K. He has been a voracious reader since childhood. And it really impresses me to see how engrossed he can get when he starts reading books. I really respect his love for books and the way he has been in a relationship with them forever.
Im going to get pushy to get myself enrolled in a dance class . And get going with Bharatanatyam.

General Updates : I'm really excited about 3rd Nov,2010. :)
You know the biggest realisation I had today? I have this daily dose of caring for people. Maternal Instinct sort of. So I just have to care for someone around. Whoever it may be, but till I dont vent it out.. I feel suffocated. Thats why when I was at home, I vented out all my maternal instincts on Polly by papmering her all the time. Its not always a good thing, because it could easily be of annoyance to people who like living a carefree life, but you can let your care go to those channels in a controlled manner. Till you know they dont mind it.

My cooking spree was on a sabbatical for a while, have gotten back to healthy cooking again. Made khichdi today. Will put up the recipe on my other cooking blog.

Moral of the day : Learn good things from everyone around you.

Need to get really organised!

I feel utterly stupid right now.
Trigger : I have to leave home for Ahmedabad in a few days. So to save a few bucks on the ticket, I decided Ill take a cheap flight from Bangalore to Mumbai and then take a train to Ahmedabad. Turned out I did not leave enough buffer time to reach the station. Worse was to come, people at home found out about this stupid plan, gave me a nice thrashing for taking such stupid decisions, and booked another flight for Ahmedabad (because the flight till Mumbai was refundable). So in the end, I ended up paying more than what I would have if i would ahve booked a ticket from Bangalore to Ahmedabad directly, go a scolding, felt utterly stupid AND I have to wait at the Mumbai airport for 5 hours to catch the next flight.

CONCLUSION : Penny wise, pound foolish

I realised that this was all because of lack of being organised. So inspired by Lavinor Online,
There was a time when I used to think the above blog was my blog twin, but now I realised
that I need to learn a lot from him.

I decided to start making a checklist of things that I need to finish. Its not just about being organised, but also about deciding a few things to do to get my life under control.

Lets cook, shall we?

My new interests, cooking. Just that its healthy, and it aids my fitness.
http://letswhipituprealnice.blogspot.com/

Let there be light!

Breathe.
Feel liberated.
Feel proud of yourself.
Feel independent.
Let it all sink in.
Get up and get going.
Nothing to stop you.
I know you can do it.
And you will.

The journey so far...

So , after yet another long sabbatical from blogging, I'm finally charged up, ready to start blogging again.

So, few of the random attempts and resolutions taken during the first three months at Bangalore.

- Get thinner, jog for at least half an hour everyday in the gym below my building.

- Don't drink coffee at office, especially when you get stressed and have deadlines to meet.

- Don't get annoyed with people unnecessarily , especially when you know they care about you. and you know they care a lot about you.

- Speak yourself out, you know you need to speak up.

- Just realized that dates , and when I say dates, I mean the fruit (no pun intended) is very good for health

- Do one new thing every month, the assignment called "pet project of the month" by "Juna" .. Beginning with learning to solve the Rubik's cube this month.

- Smile, smile more when you are stressed. You know you cant beat the stress, so enjoy it.

So, its been a pretty awesome journey so far. Three months, seems like a lifetime. And I'm loving it.

Its a scary world , but its still comforting.

Just because I feel like....So I will

So I just thought of blogging without a purpose. Just felt like getting back to blogging after quite a sabbatical.
I was just feeling hyper and happy right now. :) Perfect reason to blog .

So Im in Bangalore for the past two months. When I came here for the first time, I felt really alone for the first one week, considering I was the only person who joined from my college. But I was fortunate to have found a very close friend, a bud always there when needed .
Sometimes you think you will be alone after going to a place. But there is always a perfect friend waiting for you .:)

Im just go glad to have found such an awesome friend.
Thanks dude for making my journey in Bangalore the smooth ride it is now. :)

Best Friends Forever!

This is my first post since Ive come to Bangalore. I spent some really wonderful fifteen days at home, pampered Polly to the fullest. I know she got used to being pampered by me, I knew that when she got up in the morning and wanted to do her job, the first thing she would do is to whine and wake me up. I had her regular check up done, the doctor said she is perfectly healthy for a 11 year old.
I am proud of her.

I cant forget the day when I left. Polly stared at me from the gate, with her utmost endearing eyes, her ears all flopped up, wondering why Im sitting in the car and where Im going. I know dogs dont understand language, and mostly she wouldnt have understood a word of what I said.
But the day I was leaving I whispered into her ear and told her how much Im going to miss her. And somehow, I felt she understood .

Nothing gives me greater happiness than when Im with her. When I get back to my accommodation after a hard day of work ,come back and switch on the TV, and when there is a dog movie coming, Any movie for that matter, I look at the dog, the most endearing expressions ,and cry like one would cry watching a Titanic. The other day I was watching Beverly hills Chihuahua and cried looking at the expressions of the dog.

I feel like running back to Gandhinagar and being with her for a while. I miss her more than anything else in the world.

Love you Polly!

Midget or A Giant?

When I was small, I used to come back from school and cry everyday and ask my mom, "Why am I not tall?"

My mom always told me "Big things come in small packages."

As i grew up, I became pretty confident in my own skin. I never took height as an important factor and always thought, God didn't make everyone perfect. He always made them beautiful but with a flaw. Maybe my flaw was my height.

Im 22. High in sprits and peak of my analysis. Ive come to terms with my flaws and strengths.

But I am still curious. Is height an important criteria to describe your superiority over others in terms of external beauty?

One thing as we see, all the models are tall. And they definitely look good. Sexy rather.

So are actors.

Height is associated with sexiness quotient , but petiteness is associate with cuteness.

The preconceived notion of smallness linked with a baby, or rather a child is what describes

the cuteness quotient.

Somehow, a very major part of the society sees height as a major factor for good looks.

Why is it that we dont like seeing tiny people on the ramp?

Strange as it is.

THERE'S A SAYING THAT "HEIGHT IS MIGHT" ESPECIALLY IN BASKETBALL AND BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

HEIGHT WAS NOT REALLY AN ISSUE DURING THE 50'S, 60'S, 70'S AND EVEN IN THE 80'S. BUT FROM THE 90'S UP TO THE PRESENT, HEIGHT BECOMES A DETERMINING FACTOR IN CHOOSING THE WINNERS IN VARIOUS BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

Does the liking for tall people come from the fact that we love and get inspired by the White Race and try to be like them? Right from using fairness creams to having a physique like them, does the fantasy of become taller and using products like YOKO height increaser come from the White Race?

If not , then where is this coming from?

When fifteen minutes seem like a lifetime..

1:00pm, me waiting for my GP viva. Im busy chit chatting with the girls.

Suddenly an announcement."Next batch". I get up to get my file and go in.

Cant find it. Initially i thought its sleep deprivation that caused me not to be able to see things even when they are right there. I asked others to look.

They said, "They cant find it". My batchmates enter the Viva room. I went and told them that ill come in a while. I go out.

Start panicking . Panic at its zenith. 3 hours of sleep.

My file .

All the originals, right from 10th ,12th marksheet, semester marksheets ..All my certificates. GONE. TOTALLY GONE.

I start crying out of panic and fear.

I dont know how ill find it. "Did anyone steal it?" "How could it just vanish?" "Did i give it to someone and i dont remember?"

My viva sir waiting for me.

I cant go in because i have the gp form in that . I suddenly felt what a heart attack feels like. Panic lasted for almost 15 minutes. The worst 15 minutes of my life. Suddenly.. A guy in a white and blue stripes shirt enters. I can see my file in his hand. (*drum roll*) . My heart skipped a beat due to relief and I lived happily ever after. ...... PS: Guess who was the guy?

..

....

......

......

.......

.........

..........

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Mr. PRADEEP KUMAR. :P:P

MYSTERY UNRAVELED:

The file accidentally went into his bag . Hahahaa..Fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime. :D:D

Thanks macha. Im more than glad you had the file with you. :):)

Oh by the way.. my blog finishes 100 posts today. :):)

Getting over isnt easy.. neither is it difficult

I had my drishtant farewell yesterday. We had lunch at ranjeet . and then went to bharat bhawan for hot seats .. after a few hot seats got over, we went to watch the sunset .. that was one beautiful sight to watch.

I could see the hustling traffic through marine drive. I was standing on one side of the lake, with utmst peace and serenity, and there on the other side.. i saw many cars overtaking each other, rushing and pushing to reach their homes/work as soon as they could.

I was just thinking.. How can there be two such different lives on two sides of the same thing??

And then i realized ....Getting over pain isn't as difficult as i thought it to be. Just count your stars for whatever you have got.. and you'll be grateful not to brood over some pain.

I started Tumbling

My new tumblr blog

I like tumblr. I still wont forget blogspot. Because it is 98 posts old. Been with through all the happy, sad, cranky, inspiring and moody moments. :)

Can I live the life of a danseuse?

It was.

It really was the amalgamation of body and soul.

Union of dancer and the dance.

She is Ms.Rama Vaidhyanathan. Born in Kerala, brought up in Delhi, she is 42, but looks nothing more than 20.

She inspired me to the extent that i thought i write something about her.

She performed a dance called "Navrasa Mohana" which meant, nine emotions which are shown towards Lord Krishna .

Bharanatayam is something that makes me forget all other beings in this world. And especially watching true grace inspired me so much.

I was sitting there, clapping, having tears in my eyes whenever she depicted each emotion, every moment thinking.. would I have been even half as good a dancer as her had I not left dance in the 10th standard.

Every thought occurring in my mind..Can i leave my job and just become a danseuse ? Will I be half as good if I only pursue dance in life? How spiritual must she be feeling doing every performance, everything coming from her heart?

Although i know one thing. Even if i never become a renowned dancer,I know for a fact that Ill never stop loving to dance. Its not the number of claps that one gets, its the feeling of moving to the beats of music.. raga.. taal.

Can I live a life of a danseuse?

...

...

is what i thought.

Bohemians that we are

Do you remember watching Adams Family when you were young? Yeah, we are similar. But worse. And we couldnt have been more proud of ourselves.

We live in our own world . We live by our own conventions. We have our own rules. We do our own things. We live in this blissful world of our home.

We enjoy the greatest time spending time with each other, sipping a cup of "Amma's Chai" , opening the windows and let the 4.00pm sun rays enter in. To top it, we have Polly sitting with us on the sofa , listening to our afternoon chit chat.

That is some time that no one can ever replace, I dont think that heavenly feeling of sitting and listening to Pratham and Mumma laugh can be replaced by anything in this world.

How we meet people who inspire us.

You never know when you might end up meeting people who inspire you so much that you wish to get up and do what you really want to do what you love to do, and not what you should do in accordance to the norms of the society. I met two such people. Dreamers ,you would say, they had their own defined principles about life, would do what they want to do.

Also, day by day, my belief about karma is becoming more and more. I would call it faith now.

I always heard people say, "Why do good things happen to bad people?"

It doesnt. Its all conspired to happen for the best.

Just look at it as a big picture.

The most beautiful thing ive ever felt

You know what is the best feeling?When you come up on stage. You feel the lights blinding your eyes. And suddenly , with the start of the music. You hear people screaming at the top of their voices. J

Im smiling right now. Im really happy . These four days of Technosearch ’10 went by without realizing.

I started preparing for dance. Me and my favourite dance partner Indu along with Urvi decided to do something special this year. So we choreographed the dance on “Baby One more Time” .But due to unfortunate circumstances we couldn’t do the dance .I was a little disheartened. Because I hate backing out of anything , once Ive taken it up,especially dances.I still didn’t give up hope. Me and a few really good dancers from the junior batches danced on Iktara. Iktara was cancelled once before, but this time we did. I don’t know how the audience found our dance. But I loved dancing on it. The way all of us moved gracefully to the tunes of Iktara, I felt true inner happiness. All these things didn’t feel like it was done for any competition. Or for any commercial act. It was pure dance. Beauty. It felt beauty inside. It did not think about whether it was better than others or not. Other dances might have been much better, but I didn’t seem to care.I just danced. Felt like I was praying. I just danced because I loved to dance. I took part in B-Tango with my son (Amar Sesma) . J We rocked the stage the way we danced, especially Amar. He was absolutely brilliant. People shouts were heard the most when he used to start dancing.Im realy proud of him.

I also walked the Ramp. Angels of Paradise. We were looking gorgeous. Everyone was dressed like angels. The effort put in, the choreography involved. Everything seemed so worth it in the end. I just walked the group ramp and came. Urvi majorly designed our clothes, after which girls used their own brain to create the final look. The outcome though was beautiful . The way people walked the ramp. When I slipped on to the white one shoulder dress with yellow and white flowers on it, it just felt so beautiful. I felt like the most beautiful person on earth, even without looking in the mirror. Coz I felt beautiful. I felt in from inside. When we came on stage, the feeling that I got when people started cheering at the top of their voices.God must have been there to see me. It felt like prayer. It felt like meditation.

It felt beautiful.

I dont like dance competitions.

Something about dance being a "competition" has always repelled me since childhood. Maybe it is something to do with the fact that I haven't won a single dance award. Or maybe because I just want to dance to dance, not to be judged and compared with other dancers. I think dance is something where its best to feel you are the best. And dance because you love dancing.

Plain and Simple.

Like one loves someone. Does one compare them with others? No.

One just loves them.

Thats why, when there is any dance performance in my college, I just like to dance. But then I dont like to get into the competition loop..

I know people say competitive spirit makes a performance better. But somehow, I cant fit into this concept of competition.

Run not to beat someone, run because you like to run.

Dance not to show you are a better dancer than someone, dance because you love to dance.

Using Swear Words has been proved good fo health

A study at California University suggested that using swear words actually helps you calm down faster. And anger energy is utilized in screaming rather than pumping your blood vessels. So go on!!!!

Let anger management classes get a run for their money and start swearing at the world.:P:P

PS: I hate swear words. I cry when Im angry. You can try that too.:D

Value of Goodness!

I reflect the most upon life when I'm meditating. There is complete silence all around. I was just reflecting back upon my life in the year 2009. This new year I decided I wont keep any yearly resolutions. Instead of deciding to do things for myself, I thought Ill decide all the values Ill inculcate in this new year. My year began with a lot of goodness. And hopefully, I was good to others too. The latter half of the year came with a lot of negativities. I felt from the inside that I was very negative about a lot of people, never understood their perspective. I always thought every action that anyone caused to hurt me was a malicious act of hurting me where it hurt the most.

I was wrong.

I was insecure with my life. I looked at everyone the way the looked at myself.

And its truly said that the way one judges others is a reflection of how one judges themselves.

And maybe I judged myself so much that I was always blank about what to post in my blog. And then I preferred not to blog at all.

I came home after the Surat Inter NIT basketball tournament. I met my best friend after a long, long time. I wasn't even sure whether he still thinks of me as one of his closest. I was wrong in doubting that. I felt the closeness. I was happy. Contented. And suddenly my insecurities flew away to some faraway land. I feel happier now. I got him back.

I thought I had become distant with Popat this semester . She is at home now. She makes me laugh like crazy. Im happy I have her.

Despo was the biggest surprise of this year. After seeing me laugh with him, sometimes I wonder, Can friends ever go away?

And then I get my answer: Never.

I wasnt even in touch with Poki this semester. But when I came home, I roamed with her all around the City. We talked about the times when we were kids and used to hang around and play Pictionary and dance together. It felt like Class 9 again.

And then I realise. That I was wrong in thinking people went away from me. It was me who went away from me. And when I decided to come back, I saw no one was gone. Everyone was there. And then I realised how on-the-edge lucky I was.

So this new year, I thought .. No jobs to be listed in the list of resolutions. Just an attempt to become a better person. And to make others happy.

A year to value goodness.

Forgetful Plans

I thought of doing a lot of things last night. Because of that I wasnt even able to sleep well. Anyway I decided to take things lightly . And I also realised that it doesnt take much time to spend with friends. But it is real fun. And feels good at the end of the day.

Also ..From now on I decided to take more photographs.:)

Little things I like

I like touching dogs' wet noses. And keep touching them .

I like fiddling with the remains in my plate at the end. If it is a vegetable piece , I could use a fork to cut it into a million minuscule pieces.

I like describing an action using sounds. This Ive taken from my mom. When a lizard falls on the floor, she says " The lizard fell.. "Pattth".

I like to look at myself in front of the mirror immediately after Ive cried. I get so engrossed in looking how red my eyes have become that I forget that I was crying.

I hardly cry in romantic movies. But I cry in every dog movie. I cried like crazy when I saw 101 Dalmatians . When they thought the last pup Lucky died,but suddenly it moved its arms, yawning like the most beautiful thing in the world. And lo... the water tank began!

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I like crying. I cry a lot. And a lot. Its lets my grief come out and make me come back to normal.

I like to smell. I smell a lot. I smell petrol , pickle bottles, washed clothes, my hand when there is lotion on it.My olfactory sense is the strongest.

I never like to visualize the end. If i see it, that means Ive lost it. Like when i run a 100 meter race, I never ever imagine holding the trophy. That means Ive just lost it.

I like eating Dairy milk and keeping a piece on my upper palette without chewing it. I wait for it to melt.

I like catching mosquitoes in my hand tight enough to fracture their limbs, but loose enough for them not to get squished in my hand.

Its strange that whenever I end up sleeping more during exams and dont finish a particular topic, that topic either does not come or I can leave it choosing another option I know. And when I dont sleep, it seems like this voice inside already knew the paper and used its discretion to wake me up early in the morning. I can feel it.

I read reading Prevention magazine.

I like mimicking Bubbles's voice (Powerpuff Girls). I like her the most amongst all the sisters.

I like taking quizzes about self help.

I like believing in astrology and feel that I AM truly a cancerian.

I like listening to the sound of flowing water. Whenever I go to a beach, I just listen quietly.

I like singing the Carnatic Music of Bharatanatyam while doing my daily chores.

I like to synchronize my breath with the running steps I take while practicing for basketball.It makes me forget that Im tired.

I like going by the color therapy. Thats why there is red wallpaper in my room.

I like being weird.